learning

So I know my last post was a bit pessimistic but we all need to vent sometimes. After reading my most previous post, I don't want to judge myself for having a rough time. As a part of DBT therapy it is important to be nonjudgmental. However I am human and I slip up and I think being critical of myself is where the problem lies. As I have said before, I believe this negative internal dialogue comes from my history of trauma and abuse. Now however I have been searching for (and have lost sight of) what I have been searching for. During one of my psychiatrist visits I told him that I felt like the constant changes of #BipolarDisorder were tiring me out. Like there is no middle ground between mood episodes. I've done a lot of reading on Bipolar Disorder that I feel kinda like an expert on the topic. Recently someone had commented about mental and emotional burnout and the fact that my inner child feels overstimulated. I couldn't stop reading this comment because it felt like I was becoming burnt out.

I think it's important to find that middle ground. I was put on Vraylar to try and see if that works. To see if that will give me some rest from the near constant mania and depression. I have a lot of coping strategies but when I feel overwhelmed or attacked even, I shut down. I remember my therapist telling me this is the freeze response. It's like a default. When I was experiencing sexual abuse and sexual assault I froze, only able to speak but not move. I suppose that freezing has become my go to response. Not to mention that having #PTSD doesn't help at all. The emotional instability of #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder only makes life harder. I just want to rest and experience emotional stability. Even for a little bit. I know that I can't change what I live with but I can manage my symptoms.

It's just exhausting. Considering that it still irks me that two of the three disorders were caused by the trauma, there's not much I can do besides accept them. Yet I have a long list of things that I have to accept. As far as positives go, I want to get out of this irritated, angry, manic-depressive rut I've been in. So I will try a therapy skill called accumulating positives. Perhaps I should listing them. Sure my mental illnesses make me unique and my history too. Not sure if that's a positive though. Sometimes it seems like all the medications and therapy can't stop my problems but I also know that part of it is on me. So I will try to practice my spirituality, eat healthier, get more sleep and stick to my treatment plan to name a few.

Has anyone been on Vraylar? What has it done for you? How can I accumulate positives without my mental illnesses getting in the way? I also wanted to thank everyone that reads and responds to my posts. I appreciate it and look forwards to reading your comments. So stay strong friends. I believe in you. Stay safe as always.

#abusesurvivor

Hi, my name is Shons. I'm looking for

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #ADHD #AutismSpectrumDisorder #learning disability

#ADHD #learning Disabled
#arthrits # knee replacement (R)
#Scars .

Life has taught me a lot of cruel lessons.

I learned that the people you don't expect to hurt you, can hurt you.

That I am not to blame for what was done to me- and that shame can and does resurface.

That I have no control over others, only myself. And this lack of control over others brings up hard feelings.

That I can live a healthy, happy life but somewhere inside me will always be a slightly wounded child.

That no amount of dwelling on the past will change the past. And that I don't know what the future holds.

That I can heal but the memories will always be there.

That the triggers will always be there but they don't have to disable me.

That I can be and am loved despite what happened. I am not damaged, dirty or abnormal.

I can smile and keep going, even with tears in my eyes.

I can cry it out then move on because I am stronger and more determined than I thought.

Though I've learned a lot of harsh lessons, I've learned lessons on love too.

Keep searching and learning and love will find you too.

#PTSD #Childhoodtrauma #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #SexualAbuse #SexualAssault #Love #learning #Healing

Each day is a new opportunity to learn about yourself.

Today I learned that my Disorganized/Fearful attachment style and my people pleasing are connected. That my trauma driven behaviors are actually the result of my attachment style.

If you are curious and want to know what your style is, there are tons of quizzes online.

I suggest taking one. It changed my perspective and helped me to understand what I need to change. I need to be more trusting and more mindful in my relationships.

Slowly, I am learning what drives my behaviors and the more I know the more I can heal.

#Trauma #PTSD #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #suicideattemptsurvivor #selfharmsurvivor #Healing #learning #attachment

× " So I Did The Cash Register Again All Day... And This Time We Are Currently [ Cash Only ]. The Computer System's Are Acting Up... Alot.. And I Asked My Boss If She Knew About Me Doing The Cash Registration... She Said Yes So Thank The God's... ☆ And I Wanted To Work Late Today To Learn More Knowledge... I Did The Front-Line × Grill Station's... I'm Going To Ask My Boss If I Can Be Trained On The Front-Line × Grill Station's 1st ... Because The Registration Is Alot To Learn And Process... Because Of My #learning Disabilitie's... ♧ I'm Soo EXHAUSTED 😩 And Sleepy... " × #movingup #AnUpdate ☆ S. K. ☆