So I quit my job
My doctor approved a 2 month medical leave for me, starting March 15. It has been a journey with a lot of feelings of guilt and shame along the way. On May 1, I went to meet with my boss to talk about returning to work that week with the necessity of having a written job description (which I had never had). She said she wasn't expecting me back until May 15 and that she couldn't provide a job description for me until May 12.
I had been thinking about leaving my job since January, but this was the final straw for me. I felt so devalued and shamed by her words and decision, even though I know she didn't mean it that way based on our past relationship and communication. So, I sent her an email yesterday giving my reasons and expressing my choice to resign.
I have felt trapped in this job - trapped into accepting the promotion in the first place, trapped in the everyday tasks of the job, trapped into staying in the job, and even trapped in poor mental health because of the job. This is one of the big challenges of navigating poor mental health and work - I tend to become very passive and let things happen to me rather than actively making decisions or choosing what I want/need. And then I get into a destructive cycle.
I chose to work for this company because I thought it was a manageable role, but it didn't work out that way. It makes it hard to feel optimistic about future job options when this carefully chosen job didn't work out. My therapist is telling me things aren't as hopeless as I feel, but it is difficult when I see this history of the past ten years of becoming increasingly less capable of keeping up with work duties and having to continually accept less and less responsibilities in order to cope with life.
I don't know what I am going to do, but there are a lot of minimum wage jobs open right now, so I'll probably do something in the service industry for now. I really don't want to stay in this city, so quitting my job also cuts the major tie that I have to this place. My anxiety has been super high all day and it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest.
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