I am feeling overwhelmed today. I have ran errands all day. I come home and want to have a little while to just relax. This NEVER happens. Everyone is so dependent on me to take care of their needs. My husband has Multiple Myeloma Cancer. He sleeps so much. He wakes up, and is ready for me to make something to eat. I am happy to do this. I just get so tired. I do have 4 dogs, that I love and adore. My 4 legged babies bring joy to my life. If I could have one wish, right now, it would be for me to have just one day where I wouldn’t have to take care of anyone but myself. In my situation a wish like this would be so hard to get! I am still thankful that I am able to do what I do.
I had a bad dream last night.
Lymph pain but not enlarged?
Looking for Help with new therapist which backfired.
I have a useless psychiatrist at the cancer center where I participated in a 2 year clinical trial for smoldering multiple myeloma. I am still getting IVIG at here monthly and give blood for follow up every 3 mos. The shrink to whom I was assigned keeps telling me to wean off Pristiq and go back on Prozac for relief of depression and ruminative anxiety . I have told him repeatedly that I tried doing this a year and a half ago only to have daily migraines return. I originally went on pristiq because I was depressed on Prozac and having daily migraines. Pristiq doesn’t help my depression but is migraine preventive.
I’ve told him this repeatedly but he repeats the same thing , as if he doesn’t know anything about psych. meds. I see a trauma psychologist who also thinks he’s useless but doesn’t know any shrinks .
I was told about another shrink at the cancer center and was excited to get an appt with her , hoping that she could help me with terrible depression, anxiety, and PTSD made much worse by isolation and fear for the past year since covid began.
I got a call from a psychologist who led a CBT telehealth group that she was canceling the appt with the new shrink and I would be forced to see the useless one again. They are having a team meeting about me , with me included. I am so upset and feel like I am being treated like I committed a crime.
I admittedly did not think about the politics of the place when I made the appt . Just felt so relieved to have it. Despite having made 100 calls to shrinks in this area, have not gotten one response back . That does not seem to be an option. How would others feel in this position ?
Sorry for the length.
The Waiting Game
Monday morning again- this week is probably going to be one of the most agonizing weeks awaiting test results again! On my last trip to my hematologist/oncologist, I related to him the additional symptoms added to my chronic illness reportoire - extreme fatigue, itchy skin,bone-breaking feeling in my long bones ,and muscle weakness- he ordered a skeletal survey,a full series of x-rays of my entire skeleton for today, suspecting
Multiple Myeloma, a blood and bone cancer! I have suffered from MGUS for almost two decades, a pre-cancerous condition of elevated protein levels in your blood . Myeloma cells eat up healthy red cells, cause tumors to grow in the spine, cause holes in your bones causing them to break, and make it hard to fight off infection with tooany white cells ! The doctor also ordered a battery of blood and urine screenings to determine if the kidney function has been affected, another organ the disease impacts negatively- I don't worry about the actual tests but the waiting is a whole other ballgame! My next appointment isn't until a week from today, and my psyche is already on full throttle with the anxiety rising fast like a new full moon - it's going to be a long, worrisome week ! I've decided to break it up a bit by inviting my granddaughters to come stay for a few nights while on vacation from school- @ 6 & 8 years old, they will distract me and entertain me, I'm certain of that- hopefully, I don't have to call a family meeting on my birthday this year ( Sunday, May 2) to tell my family I have full-blown cancer requiring chemo, radiation and stem-cell transplant - wish me luck, friends,I could really use a boost- thank you all for being there!