scared

I'm still having horrible dizziness. My ears don't hurt, they're not popping, and I can hear just fine. So I don't suspect vestibular issues. I really don't know what could be causing it. It's scary. The whole room is spinning. It's like every 15 minutes. I'm anxious about going to the hospital urgent care cuz what if it's something bad? But my caregiver said we're going. My mom was really rude. I hung up on her. She thinks I'm doing it for attention cuz I don't want to go to urgent care. She wouldn't understand.

We're waiting for our friend who drives for a living to get off work. My caregiver said she'd pay for it.

#scared #dizzyspells

Life has been so dark lately, and I can’t seem to find a way out. I am trying to focus on my work, going to the gym, running, it just doesn’t seem to be enough to get me out of here, my house is as much of a mess as my head. I’m tired of this chaos and really want it to be over, I want a clean slate , I though I was goi to get one this year, but I’m really struggling with my anxiety. I have been avoiding people because I just don’t think that I have any space for anyone’s issues, I’m also scared of the “Are you okay?” question because I know that’s going to break me down. I can’t seem to be able to quiet my thought, sleeping is a task without getting high, and yet the alcohol makes me feel even worse the next morning .I’m here because I’m just looking to vent without consequences #scared #anxious

Have you ever felt #Grief before the person who is terminally ill has passed away? I know that it will happen, but I also know that my brain is unable to really focus. Since I am on #prozac it makes it difficult for some internal emotions to be displayed.

I am feeling #sad and feeling a sense of #Loss without actually experiencing it yet. I think that it is because my Aunt is very ill and should make it through the holidays if we are blessed enough for that. I am #scared because I know what it is like to lose a parent as I lost my Dad last year to #Cancer and it hurts like crazy.

It is also #horrible when you #Lose a job because you called out so many times. It is not a good feeling at all whatsoever. That is grief as well. I am struggling and I really would like a #friend .

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Being autistic feels like a fucking crime these days.

I was staying at a hotel because was about to lose my fucking mind staying at home with my youngest nephew making a lot a noise constantly throughout the day. What my dad said earlier about check-out, I’ve misinterpreted, but he fully apologized and takes full responsibility as he should’ve made it clearer.

I was getting ready to check-out, but it was an hour later because I was getting ready to check-out. Security came to my door and said that I needed to come out, and I told them that I was just getting ready to leave. Packing as fast as I possibly could, they came back again and threatened to call the police on me if I didn’t get out of there soon. I literally told them that I was packing as fast as I could and that I had an appointment an hour after the check up time (and I couldn’t reschedule or else my mom would have to pay over $100 for canceling ,and I didn’t want to do that to her!) … and of course they did care about that last part.

Pissed off, I left the hotel in tears and placed the card keys at express check out. I wanted to complain, but I didn’t bother because I was just so mad and honestly scared for my life.

My dad told me that the police part is just something they say to get others out. If this is a fucking neurotypical norm, I want to let you know: 1) I HATE being pressured or someone trying to rush me and 2) I HATE being FUCKING THREATENED, especially regarding something TO DO WITH THE POLICE! Are you kidding me?!?!

Society SERIOUSLY needs to know how traumatizing and/or stressful that is to hear for neurodivergent individuals who 1) completely misinterpreted what check-out restrictions mean, 2) are trying their fucking hardest to do something in time, and 3) LITERALLY MEAN NO FUCKING HARM!!!!!!!

Now, I’m fucking scared to even go outside anymore. I feel like society just doesn’t want me. I feel like society just sees me as a criminal, or just sees my autism as criminalistic.

I know I was overstimulated earlier with my younger nephew, but I’d rather deal with this and possibly lose my mind than be FUCKING THREATENED TO HAVE THE POLICE ONTO ME!

#IsThisAbleism #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #NeurotypicalNorms #StopThis #Police #overstimulated #Norms #scared #Stress #Society #venting #Vent #triggerwarning #MentalHealth #Ableism