TherapyPet

Last night I really struggled to get some sleep. On Friday, while walking from a shop to a taxi, I lifted my left leg to take a step and I felt a twinge in my lower back. Then, when I went to lift my right leg to do the same, I nearly crumpled to the floor as an intense cramp went through the entire of my lower back. I managed to hobble my way to the taxi and got myself home.

I’ve been using heat pads and an anti-inflammatory gel and it’s given very little relief, but I persevered. Then, last night at around midnight I had a POTS episode whilst I was on my way to the bathroom before bed. I fainted and hit the floor hard, according to my mum. I’m just glad I wasn’t conscious when I hit the floor because I can only imagine the pain I would’ve felt.

After the episode, I really struggled to get up, get to the bathroom and get to bed. But I managed it. I took extra painkillers but I just could not get comfortable. I tried lying on my side with a pillow between my knees, I tried lying on my back with a cushion under the curve of my spine. Nothing was working. Eventually, I gave up and pulled out my laptop to do some more notes on my novel.

As usual, Loki was sticking to my side. Like he normally does when I’m unwell or in pain. He came up for lots of cuddles and fusses. Until he settled behind my fan, and slowly crawled up until his head was peeking at me from behind the screen. He looked so cute, I had to take a photo. My little mascot. Somehow… He always makes me feel better. And I feel like he really does love me back.

Anyway, I spent the night just tapping away on my laptop, listening to quiet music while I made my notes and tweaks. I just wanted to show you all how much of a good boy he is. Don’t worry - he was given lots of treats and belly rubs.

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #POTS #AutonomicDysfunction #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #EDS #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #Jointpain #Fainting #BackPain #cramps #Pain #InterstitialCystitis #BPD #NAFLD #LiverDisease #FattyLiverDisease #Diabetes #Migraines #Cats #Animals #TherapyPet #TherapyAnimal #therapycat

I know I keep making posts about my Loki, but you guys have no idea how much this kitten is helping me.

I’ve been diagnosed with Pleurisy again - the last time I had it was March 2021 and it was so severe I was hospitalised multiple times and the lower part of my right lung had collapsed. The pain was so bad, I was praying for something to kill me. It was truly agony. I couldn’t speak, because I was gasping for breath even when I was sat doing nothing. When the doctors asked me to tell them what had happened during that day, I could barely get more than two words out without sobbing and gasping for breath like I was slowly drowning. It was hell.

Thankfully, during the middle of last week I started to notice the early signs and was able to see my GP immediately, and get started on antibiotics and my inhalers. Which has helped massively but I’m still struggling to breathe and getting quite out of breath when I do basically nothing but rest.

Since I’m basically on bed rest and I’m in pain (more than usual), my mental health has been a bit rocky and been going downhill a bit. But Loki has been with me the whole time. He’s been curled up with me, or sitting/lying on my belly (and sometimes shoulder) and watching TV with me. And at night? He crawls under the covers and either curls up against my belly, or falls asleep on my pillow, at the back of my head with his head resting on mine.

He melts my heart and I’m so lucky to have him. Don’t ever tell me that cats don’t know or understand how we feel, or that they don’t care.

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #Dysautonomia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #NAFLD #LiverDisease #Diabetes #Migraines #InterstitialCystitis #Depression #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Pleurisy #Asthma #ChestInfection #inhalers #TherapyPet #Empathy #Cats #Kittens #animaltherapy

As some of you will have seen, the other day I made a post about my Loki always knowing when I need him, and the way he calms me down when I’m anxious or in pain. He’ll come over and curl up in my lap or by my side.

I’m so lucky to have him.

HOWEVER. This is what I was greeted with this morning. 😂 He was sat right on my chest, just staring at me. It was pretty unnerving. When I didn’t move, he let out this tiny squeak of a meow and then began patting at my face with his paw.

“Mum. Hey, mum. Are you awake? Get up, wench, and feed me. I’m STARVING.” 😑😂

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #NAFLD #LiverDisease #InterstitialCystitis #Diabetes #Migraines #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #TherapyPet #TherapyAnimal #Cats #Kittens #TherapyPets

The last few weeks I've been in a dark place with depression and my anxiety picking up.
Working through my trauma with my psychologist. Today has been a hard day with my appointment. So some self care hot shower and a few hours reading and cuddles from my little lady trixie. She just knows when I need some cuddles. #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #complextrauma #TherapyPet

My nanny (grandmother) came over today’s she stayed for a few hours and for a little while I managed to forget all about my baby, Storm. I even put a little make up on. But when she left and I was alone in my room it all came crashing back.

I’ve seen death before. In animals and humans. But I just can’t seem to wrap my head around this. One second there was life and the next everything about my Storm was erased. Her personality and character just disappeared. It takes ONE second for them to disappear. A life time of memories, experiences... Gone. In a second.

It’s just hard to understand that and be okay with it.

#TherapyPet #Loss #Hamster #Death #Depression #Understanding

I miss her so much and I can’t seem to wrap my head around it all. It hurts. But I feel a bit better today. It’s going to be a long journey through grief but as many of have said - I need it.

Thank you all for your kind words.
The photo above is from the first day that I brought her home.

#TherapyPet #Animals #Hamster #Loss #Grief #Missingher

I know it seems silly or unusual but my therapy pet was a hamster named Storm. I named her that because she had white fur (like Storm in the X-Men), and because the day I brought her home we had the biggest thunderstorm I’ve ever known. We hadn’t had any rain in the area for nearly 60 days. And the day I brought her home a massive thunderstorm hit.

I bonded with her very quickly. She liked to climb up my body and sit on my chest or my shoulder. If I had my hair down she’d curl up on my shoulder right at the nape of my neck. She would jump into my hands and take food from me. She always made me smile. Whenever I was in too much pain to leave the house I’d get her out of her cage and she’d fall asleep on my belly when/if I laid down. If I was depressed beyond help I’d play with her and she’d cheer me up.

She helped me through so much. Then earlier today at about 6:15pm I noticed her lying on the top level of her cage - something she didn’t usually do. Then she moved abruptly and flopped back down. I literally screamed for my mum (who had also brought a hamster the same day as me, but her hamster died several months ago). Mum came running in. She managed to get Storm out of her cage but she wasn’t moving much.

I started to hyperventilate and I sobbed so hard it felt like I was going to vomit. Mum said Storm was cold. She gave my baby to me and I held her as she jolted a few times and started to vomit a little bit. And just as I called the vets she started to go limp. Her laboured breathing stopped and she just curled up. It was too late. We think it was a heart attack.

I feel lost. I feel irreparably broken. I’ve been crying non stop every minute since. And then I realised the date. I brought her home on 24th July 2018. Two years ago to the date.

My mum keeps telling me that I was with her at the end, that she knew she wasn’t alone and that she knew she was loved. Mum said that she wanted for nothing. I was always buying bags of dried banana chips for her, and dried pineapple cubes. Those were her favourites. She had a comfy bed and lots of toys. And just last night I saw her running on her wheel so fast you couldn’t even see her little legs! She was moving her stuff all around her cage...

I’d been in bed with a migraine most of the day, so I couldn’t see her cage. I keep wondering how long she could have been there? How long was she alone? I feel like a terrible human being.

And it hurts so much.

#TherapyPet #Animals #Hamsters #Depression #hurt #Loss #help