Appreciation

It’s been a while I have been here... For me, I was lost.. Yeah, lost into all those thoughts and things that had nothing to do with me... Exactly, cause after having this, I have noticed prominent changes in myself.. I mean from my confidence to my dressing styles, my way of presenting myself and all... The way of presenting myself I mean that there was a time when I was vulnerable state and I used to believe everyone without any hassles cause that time I was desperate to get better as I didn’t have that enough maturity to deal with this like the way I have right now.. Obviously, age matters and I was young and genuine... And, that's the part I got betrayed by those persons whom I believed and shared my story crying helplessly.. Well, there was the time when someone used to ask me anything, I would just start crying and telling them everything.. But, they broke the trust and made me feel the worst that was too much for me at that time to deal with ... To be honest, I am still traumatised from all these... And, it made me realise that not everyone is safe to share your secrets... I had a lot of friends that time.. I still have but for me, I have only one friend and she is the sweetest person ever.. The only person in my entire friend circle whom I trust cause I found her in the worst stage of my life... She held my hand and just didn’t let me go.. She was the person I needed the most at that time and yeah, she was and she is still there.. I was skeptical and just locked myself from whole world cause I was seeing how those persons whom I know for 18 years are backstabbing me.. And, my friends also.. My childhood friends... At that time, I used to feel everyone is the worst and I got no friends.. But, I was wrong.. The girl whom I just knew for like six months and I wasn’t even in a good friendship with her.. It was just a casual one and we used to sit together.. So, the basic talks and all.. So, she was the one who approached me first.. But, I just couldn’t believe her so much at that time.. Cause I had already been ditched by my so called bestie I made in college and also the so called bestie from high school.. Not to mention, my Childhood friends too... So, you can understand.. But, she was the consistent one and I found my home in her.. I didn’t have good grades like her but there was not judgements in her eyes for me.. There was no competition between us... Well, most of my friendship broke due to the competitions and it was terrible cause when you see the person you believe is jealous of you when you always thought she is the safest person for you.. It’s heartbreaking if you ask.. It happened to me for three times.. Yeah, from my kindergarten to my high school to my college.... So, it was crazy.. But, she was different.. That girl just didn’t come to me for my good grades or anything.. She was there being my healing person.. Making me confident that I do have someone close.. A friend... I am not alone.. Yeah, she tried my best to help me in every way it was possible... From exams to my result, to my admissions and all... Making me hopeful, giving me Strength in every way that I could ask for... So, it was actually an appreciation post for her my bestie though it’s nothing comparing what she means for me and I wanna share it on another day... Just wanna appreciate all these wholesome persons for making us feel home and safe 🫶🫶🫶💖💖💖 cause gratefulness and appreciation for our special persons make us feel blessed and contented reminding us we are loved though we constanly go through negativities and feeling lonely and unloved 💓.... #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Appreciation post🤍.....

Suddenly a post came to my feed. It's related to mother. That the son is unconsciously calling his mother but she is no more. He realized that but still he kept calling though he knew she would never come back. This just remind me of my mother. The person I love the most in the whole world. The most supportive person in my life. You know when at the beginning my family had problems accepting my illness. That time me and my mother, we both suffered a lot. My mother tolerated everything at that time trying her best to protect me. Believe me, she was there from the very beginning. When I was there away from my home, I mean the initial stage,I used to rely on her. My parents had to go abroad that time. It was july when I didn’t even know what depression was. She wasn’t there. I remember before leaving, when she came to me,I was like you are leaving, now what would happen to me. Even when she was in abroad,I used to call her and cry. Even calling her felt so healing at that time. Then,she came back. And after coming back,she just came to me and we, the mother-daughter duo started a new journey. My family didn’t wanna accept and we were alone. She took leave from her teaching profession and we started to go to psychiatrists. I changed about 3-4 psychiatrists before the one I am currently seeing. Well, in this she was there and we alone went to different psychiatrists. She was there. Believe me,that time I kinda had lost my mind. I used to harm myself,throw stuffs and was very violent. I even hurt her unknowingly cause situation was out of control. Then,my medications started. I was in crucial state at that time. I didn’t used to come out from my room, didn’t used to eat and always just sat in the corner of my room the whole day. And she would just stay outside the door,peeking through the window what I was doing. She would also cry, won't eat cause I didn’t. She would always cry when I used to cry. Isaw her crying everytime I cried.Once,when I was heavily suicidal,she pleaded me, please don't do this. You are my life,a part of my heart. How would I leave without you? If something happens to you, I won't be able to live. That time I didn’t want to take my medicines and used to yell at her. But,she would never say a single thing. She tolerated me in my every odds. She saw me in my worst stage. She tolerated me in the worst stage. She saw my worst phase. She knew my pain. She felt it. It's not like my journey was alone,she was the part of it. This whole time we were together and we are. You know when I used to have suicidal attempts, that thought always came to my mind that if I die,my mother would just sit there looking me helplessly. It would break her forever. When I used to cry outside,my mother would just sit there for me. I know I have her. My teacher always blamed me and my mother for my illness that we always cried together. But,I told her cringly that sir you blame her but only because of her, I am here still living. After that,I noticed my teacher always being considerate to her and respectful. Something I am proud of that I got to defend her,the only person who is always there for me. Today,when I see the confident self, it reminds me how she built this. Well, I know It's a long post. But,it’s just an appreciation for the person I adore the most and the person who has my back. We all maybe have someone like her,supportive. Words won’t be enough to praise her. I just wanna say to her, I love you so much ❤️.. Kudos to all those people we have in our life cause they are the best..#Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Appreciation for the special person💖..