Appreciation

Suddenly a post came to my feed. It's related to mother. That the son is unconsciously calling his mother but she is no more. He realized that but still he kept calling though he knew she would never come back. This just remind me of my mother. The person I love the most in the whole world. The most supportive person in my life. You know when at the beginning my family had problems accepting my illness. That time me and my mother, we both suffered a lot. My mother tolerated everything at that time trying her best to protect me. Believe me, she was there from the very beginning. When I was there away from my home, I mean the initial stage,I used to rely on her. My parents had to go abroad that time. It was july when I didn’t even know what depression was. She wasn’t there. I remember before leaving, when she came to me,I was like you are leaving, now what would happen to me. Even when she was in abroad,I used to call her and cry. Even calling her felt so healing at that time. Then,she came back. And after coming back,she just came to me and we, the mother-daughter duo started a new journey. My family didn’t wanna accept and we were alone. She took leave from her teaching profession and we started to go to psychiatrists. I changed about 3-4 psychiatrists before the one I am currently seeing. Well, in this she was there and we alone went to different psychiatrists. She was there. Believe me,that time I kinda had lost my mind. I used to harm myself,throw stuffs and was very violent. I even hurt her unknowingly cause situation was out of control. Then,my medications started. I was in crucial state at that time. I didn’t used to come out from my room, didn’t used to eat and always just sat in the corner of my room the whole day. And she would just stay outside the door,peeking through the window what I was doing. She would also cry, won't eat cause I didn’t. She would always cry when I used to cry. Isaw her crying everytime I cried.Once,when I was heavily suicidal,she pleaded me, please don't do this. You are my life,a part of my heart. How would I leave without you? If something happens to you, I won't be able to live. That time I didn’t want to take my medicines and used to yell at her. But,she would never say a single thing. She tolerated me in my every odds. She saw me in my worst stage. She tolerated me in the worst stage. She saw my worst phase. She knew my pain. She felt it. It's not like my journey was alone,she was the part of it. This whole time we were together and we are. You know when I used to have suicidal attempts, that thought always came to my mind that if I die,my mother would just sit there looking me helplessly. It would break her forever. When I used to cry outside,my mother would just sit there for me. I know I have her. My teacher always blamed me and my mother for my illness that we always cried together. But,I told her cringly that sir you blame her but only because of her, I am here still living. After that,I noticed my teacher always being considerate to her and respectful. Something I am proud of that I got to defend her,the only person who is always there for me. Today,when I see the confident self, it reminds me how she built this. Well, I know It's a long post. But,it’s just an appreciation for the person I adore the most and the person who has my back. We all maybe have someone like her,supportive. Words won’t be enough to praise her. I just wanna say to her, I love you so much ❤️.. Kudos to all those people we have in our life cause they are the best..#Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Appreciation for the special person💖..