bipolar affective disorder

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Living with #BipolarAffectiveDisorder Type 1 And The Things People Don’t Get

I’ve been in euthymia for one year and four months after meeting the most amazing psychiatrist in the world.

And with true euthymia, which I’d never experienced before, came all the “What-if”s.

I think what neurotypical people will never get is the chill of fear we get when we wake up and realise we’re down and it’s gonna be a bad day. Then, we constantly have ho remind ourselves that bad days happen to everybody and they’re not a sign we’re relapsing.
Or, we wake up over-excited for something and we are suddenly very productive and we immediately second-guess ourselves: “Am I manic? Am I too high?”

Too low and too high are our biggest fear, because if those prove to be a relapse we’ll probably get admitted and every admission adds to the toll of traumatic medical experiences we’ve been through in our lives.

Personally, I have to say I don’t know how I’d navigate life with this illness without my best friend, who also has Bipolar 1. She’s the one I ask to analyse my thought patterns to see if I’m still stable. She’s the one reassuring me, and I do the same.

But this. This relentless second-guessing ourselves.

This is what people who don’t have Bipolar don’t understand.

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Does not mix

#BipolarDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #BipolarAffectiveDisorder #RacingThoughts

This is a picture I colored in on an app. Not mine by any case.

She was a wild woman


Her eyes blazed

with a burning fire

Yet on the inside

she was a burning mess

an unstoppable fire

blazed within her

full of thoughts

that would not stop.

Cycling around

over and over again

they will never end.

The medicine

keeps them at bay

if only

for a little while

The bipolar beast

is sated

in the never-ending war

Today was a day of pain and never-ending racing thoughts. Seriously, they were all over the place and all concerning my health. Fears of being pregnant, fears of my teeth being loose, etc. None of these thoughts were based in reality.

That's how I knew they were racing thoughts associated with Bipolar. Thankfully I had some risperidone on hand. That quieted the thoughts down quickly.

I'm tired of it. The thoughts, the increased anxiety. I'm on birth control and it is driving me up the walls. I know I'm not my illness but it feels like it is taking a bigger part in my life right now.

It's the nexplanon. Gotta be.

I'm going off of it soon enough. Thank the fucking lord. Was NOT a fan of the mood swings and constant spotting. (TMI: sorries).

I just hormonal birth control and Bipolar Disorder do NOT mix.

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Hi looking for support or peer support

I have some cognitive deficits from my thought disorder and unstable mood from my mood disorder. And like a million other issues lol. But I am still capable of showing intelligence and seeming “normal”. So I guess you wouldn’t be able to tell. But truth is my quality of life is very very poor. I am childlike sometimes so I can interpret someone in a maternal or paternal way and want to be emotionally coddled. If I’m not childlike I will just see you as a peer and be “normal” lol. Anyway chat with me if you’re up for it. No commitment tho obv. Just lonely right now. #Depression #Suicide #CheckInWithMe #Support #MoodDisorders #SchizophreniaSpectrumPsychoticDisorders #BipolarAffectiveDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SupportGroups #FamilyAndFriends #Relationships #help #Therapy #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Schizophrenia #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveandRelatedDisorders #Chatspace #Upallnight #Insomnia #SleepWakeDisorders #lonely #alone

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Pros and cons #BipolarDepression #BipolarAffectiveDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Anxiety

I realise this is a site that embraces the whole world and would love to hear of everybodies experience with homework. The reason I put an English Union Jack was in the hope that if anyone has links to Homework available in the UK, they would help those of us that don’t know where to look.

So what is your experience?
How do you sell yourself to an employer?
How do you deal with your anxiety?
What sort of work have you done from home?

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A cocktail medication! #medications #Bipolar #Borderline Bipolar depression #BipolarAffectiveDisorder #Anxiety #Depression

Why an elite few can manage bipolar without medication? Why is there not one medication fits all? Why is medication so varied? Why was mood disorders labels changed?

I’m one of the majority that requires medication to stabilise my mood; anti-consultant, anti-psychotics, benzodiazepine. You wonder how the field of psychiatry found out those aforementioned medications would help? During the 1900’s (can’t remember exact year) manic depression and personality disorder was changed to bipolar disorder/affective disorder and cyclothymia. Why did this occur?

Was there a paradigm shift where instead of a label given - the new status quo would be a discriptor of ‘moods’ along a continuum, and depending on the varied sides of this continuum is where you shall be treated as apposed to a ‘label’. Yes labels can be discriminatory and once place in your medical file, can have an affect on the rest of your life.

For instance, your career, where a occupational health meeting is normally the status quo - for you to prove your sanity aka cognitive competence. In regards to driving, your assessed as to again prove your sanity and stability of medication (if your on them) to drive. Your financial affairs, banks want to know if your bipolar due to the old description - ‘spending spree’ being associated with bipolar.

Yes the disability deacrimination act, can help in your protection of being descriminated. Only however if your educated in knowing about what the act covers exactly. I used it in my work, to adjust my work station with a chair and allowed 15 minutes layaways In the morning entering work - those simple changes didn’t go down well with my managers, and they attempted to extend my probation period, but DDA was used, I’d already passed it!

Back to medications - I’ve noticed among forums that the ‘undiagnosed ‘strive the label and medication, yeah it can be a relief to finally make sense of your behaviour, but a select few, bipolar is the new fashion! It takes years; a long winded journey of monitoring behaviour, being aware, unaware, therapy, referral to psychiatry, and nowadays psychiatry don’t like providing a label. Next medication, 15 years of trialing ssri’s, to no avail or worse affecting/bringing in mania.

Then mood stabilisers trials., anti psychotics (old/new), anti histamines, benzodiazepines, etc and study’s have indicated that lithium, the old as it were in the treatment of bipolar is the most affective treatment in comparison with mood stabilisers. What In affect, are these cocktail of medications doing to our brain and body? Side affects to begin and for some continue.

In sum, the complexity of mood disorders can be difficult to define, treat, after care, therapy and manage. Then is is nature, or nurture or an amalgamation of the two? Let’s just remain positive in that research will continue and reveal positive findings in the care and treatment of mood disorders.

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Cuando reconocen tu esfuerzo #Bipolar2Disorder #Espanol

Hola mi diagnóstico es bipolaridad tipo II y hace unos días tuve hora con una enfermera en el centro de salud mental en donde me atiendo y le dije lo que estaba estudiando, mi rutina dia a dia y cuanto me costaba estar en la universidad con la enfermedad que tengo, no esperaba ninguna respuesta, quizás indiferencia porque ni yo reconozco el esfuerzo que significa estudiar una carrera difícil y tener altos y bajos la mayor parte del tiempo, pero me comprendió, no me comenzó a dar una cátedra de que quizás no me la podía con la carrera o que tenía que estudiar más cuando de verdad no puedo. Me senti tan bien, primera vez que no siento incomodidad frente al tema, porque ni en mi propia familia soy comprendida.
Eso, ojalá a todos les pase.

#BipolarAffectiveDisorder #HighfunctioningBipolarDisorder #BipolarDisorder


I’m tired of it all #BipolarAffectiveDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Pureocd #MoodDisorders

I’m tired
Tired of facing my demons everyday
Tired of leaving class bc of panic attacks or episodes
Tired of friends telling me to suck it up
Tired of my parents not understanding
Tired of my friends bad advice telling me to just push through it
Tired of waking up every day
Tired of feeling like a burden
Tired of worrying
Tired of mania
Tired of being sad and hopeless
Tired of feeling guilty or disappointing
Tired of breathing
Tired of living
I’m just tired of it all 😔

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Fearfully falling #ADD #BipolarAffectiveDisorder #Chaoticmind #Trauma #Anxiety

I recently went and stayed at an intermediate care centre for a week. To try get into the habit of cooking for myself , self care but mainly for stress relief and to learn about ways to cope with obsessive thinking , procrastination, generalised anxiety and learn about self compassion. Before I got there I was desperate to escape my life , take stock and return to apply what I had learnt . But I didn’t have the best time there due to not geling with others for whatever reason so I kept to myself and felt quite isolated. I returned home only to slip back in and if anything I’ve become more unwell to the point were I lost trust with my closest support and thought people were trying to break me down which really wasn’t the case. I’m one year clean of methamphetamine and was only really high doses of serequel and Valium and a low dose of abilifeye which ended up leaving me vacant almost catatonic . So I stopped taking them and for most of this year I’ve been up and down with weed. The other night I took serequel and Zane’x . I felt better the next day but knew not to make a habit of it and to report this to my professionals. Last night I went to meet a girl I’d been talking to and was going to finally meet . I was really nervous and was going into town which I avoid so I was being really brave especially going alone as I have no friends my age . In the car my older friend who is pretty well my everything was happy I was getting out there and just told me to be careful and to call when I wanted to come home. He is pretty much home to me . I begun to over think and go into that almost personality disorder zone where I’m trying to think of how to be and how to portray myself and in that moment I went fuck it and just stopped thinking . We met at the bar I had already had a jaeger shot and a beer . And then I just became reckless and everything was gone with the wind I did 8 shots I think . We left the club and I lost her and her group this is where I blacked out a bit I think I went looking for a toilet and I txted her but I’m not sure what happened if I was looking aimlessly walking around disorientated so I think I sat down when two kind young lady’s came to sit with me and were very worried they called my friend for me and stayed until I got in the car. I fear substances as they do disorientate me and effect my memory and processing , and my personality they’ve fucking ruined that. Pardon the negativity. Today I felt regret I was so irresponsible and didn’t honour myself and my hard earnt wisdom all because I didn’t want to seem weird, anxious or fragile like a nanna in a twenty three year olds body . She may of been drunk and just thought oh she took of or maybe I hit on her or I was weird I dunno but I got ditched and I feel like she didn’t really get to meet me a sort of wasted encounter. though a club isn’t the place for a first meet well not for me anyway . How to build a life when your almost not fit for life. I wanna live not exsist.