Living with #BipolarAffectiveDisorder Type 1 And The Things People Don’t Get
I’ve been in euthymia for one year and four months after meeting the most amazing psychiatrist in the world.
And with true euthymia, which I’d never experienced before, came all the “What-if”s.
I think what neurotypical people will never get is the chill of fear we get when we wake up and realise we’re down and it’s gonna be a bad day. Then, we constantly have ho remind ourselves that bad days happen to everybody and they’re not a sign we’re relapsing.
Or, we wake up over-excited for something and we are suddenly very productive and we immediately second-guess ourselves: “Am I manic? Am I too high?”
Too low and too high are our biggest fear, because if those prove to be a relapse we’ll probably get admitted and every admission adds to the toll of traumatic medical experiences we’ve been through in our lives.
Personally, I have to say I don’t know how I’d navigate life with this illness without my best friend, who also has Bipolar 1. She’s the one I ask to analyse my thought patterns to see if I’m still stable. She’s the one reassuring me, and I do the same.
But this. This relentless second-guessing ourselves.
This is what people who don’t have Bipolar don’t understand.