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A Heart Set Free by Melanie R.

A Heart Set Free by Melanie R.

A great winded rhythm underway; prickled readiness underfoot. A mission called into blended shadows- undulate in shades of smoke as hope glimmers.

Drumming a cleared path of yearning webs for justice. Where a brightened light pierced an open door. Candlelit wonders motion the clouded poufs to view a saved heart…set free.

Chosen and preserved.
A living hope guarded in faith.
Examined, mourned, pressed, scarred, shattered,…repaired;
never faltered, never failed.

Search me, Oh Lord, and know my heart.
Lead me through the everlasting way.
I’ve been tested, and tried…know I am true-know my heart. You are my indwelled heart pounding through our shared domain. Monitor my steadfast rhythm and the intricate design of each ticking; of each pulsed beat transformed by this undeniable salvation.

Echoed chambers of my heart.

Centered rhythm deepest part.

Search me, Lord, and see I’m true-

slated clean-each beat for you.

Five waves count each beat’s refrain, monitored life both joy and pain.
Set each P, Q, R, S, T…
My heart declares my love for thee.

And if one day my chambers still,
my heart set free-
fulfilled Your Will.

Psalm 139:23
Search me Oh God, and know my heart.

Matthew 6:21
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in The Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.

The Lord searches the heart.
Give God your whole heart. Stay strong Mighty Warriors!

#ChronicIllness #Dysautonomia #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #Cardiomyopathy #RareDisease #ChronicPain #InsideTheMighty #PrimaryImmunodeficiency #ChronicInflammatoryDemyelinatingPolyneuropathy #RheumatoidArthritis #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease

8 reactions 3 comments

Reaching out for help...

Hello. I'm in a weird place. I respond when I can as my phone is on its last legs and my tablet died. I can't replace either at the current time due to present circumstances. This is a problem as my tablet and phone are my only windows to the world. With ESR cardiomyopathy a knee needing replacement and 7 spinal surgeries and dialysis I cant get outside much. This has aggravated my depression and anxiety. Just sitting inside looking at walls and ceiling is making what little life I had unbearable. If you have any unneeded tablets I'd be grateful. So if I don't answer immediately my phone has decided to be on strike that particular day or I'm not feeling well. I hope you are well. Prayers and blessings.

28 reactions 5 comments

I’m new here!

Hi, my name is MummyTut82. I've been diagnosed with so many illnesses diseases that at age 40 and Mum of 3 darling children, I have lost all quality of life and I'm scared of myself honestly.. For I can't keep just 'existing' like this and I know it is destroying my children's hearts watching me so sick ... it breaks me more every minute coz I honestly believe they shouldn't have to see Mummy this way anymore it isn't fair on them... #icantdothis😮‍💨 #heartbroken💔 #idontwanttoleavemybabies😪 #itisjustfartoomuchtohandle💔

#MightyTogether #PTSD #Fibromyalgia #Anxiety #Depression #ADHD #OCD #Grief #Leukemia #FunctionalMovementDisorder #DiabetesType2 #Cancer #RheumatoidArthritis #OpticNeuritis #NeurocardiogenicSyncope #DemyelinatingNeuropathies #CeliacDisease #InappropriateSinusTachycardia #congenitalheartdefect/Disease #BirthDefect #IronDeficiencyAnemia #Arthritis #ArteriovenousMalformation #SuicidalThoughts #chronicactiveepstein-BarrVirus #ChronicIllness #polycysticovarysyndrome(PCOS) #Hyperparathyroidism #ThyroidCancer #Cardiomyopathy #CardiovascularDisease #CongenitalVascularCavernousMalformations

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Four years into remission

I recently found out that I am four years into remission from non Hodgkins lymphoma. When I heard this news my heart sank. I so much wanted to hear the opposite. I nearly didn't have chemotherapy because of my self loathing and the fact that I have already had cancer, cardiomyopathy and two major suicide attempts and other stuff. Of the few friends I have left hardly any will understand. But I can't imagine continuing in this life for another ten to twenty plus years.

4 reactions 2 comments

I'm new here!

Hi, my name is billp. I'm here because I've been having a hard time trying to find friends online, especially women interested in dating, because once they discover I'm mildly disabled from peripheral neuropathy and chronic pain managed with pain meds and have been diagnosed with terminal congestive/systolic heart failure with only a couple years to live without a transplant, they don't want anything to do with me.

#MightyTogether #CongenitalHeartDefect /Disease#HeartDisease #Cardiomyopathy

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Still best friends after all this time

These cats are inseperable and do everything together. The black one has that feline cardiomyopathy and probably won't live for long. It will be sad for little Pickles, the orange cat. He will miss his friend.

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I need all the sleep tips please!

So insomnia + painsomnia - sleeping meds - pain meds + an uncomfortable sleeping environment = nightly anxiety attacks induced by pain. I can’t take it anymore, it’s bringing back the #SuicidalIdeation and I’m seriously afraid that I won’t be able to fight it.

I’ve been off all mental health and pain meds since early August. They took me off of everything cold turkey in hospital because of my heart condition, #Cardiomyopathy and a low ejection fraction. Now I’m only allowed acetaminophen for pain but sparingly and Xanex for panic attacks but only if I absolutely have to however I can’t take it when I really need it because I have to take a heart medicine at bedtime and the two can’t mix. I have several #ChronicPain conditions as well as #MajorDepression , #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder and #CPTSD as well as #Cancer and my heart condition. It makes it really impossible to be able to look past the intense pain (6-8 during the day and usually a 9-10 at night now). It doesn’t help that my heart medicine flares up my #Asthma and #Anxiety so on top of being in pain I’m wheezing and coughing and freaking out over the wheezing and coughing.

I’m having surgery next week for a port removal and replacement. I know last time the pain was insane and that was on meds and before the horrible neuropathy that chemo gave me. I know if I can’t figure out a way to get more comfortable in bed at night so I can rest then there’s no way I’ll make it through all that.

So what do you do to make yourself as comfortable as possible in bed? What brands of pillows do you recommend? Is there a tea you drink?

I have a cooling memory foam topper on my pillow top mattress. I use Sertra cooling pillows and cooling/moisture wicking sheets (my stupid #Diabetes makes my sugars drop in my sleep and I get soaking wet cold sweats nightly). I also have a wedge pillow I use sometimes for extra support. I’m a side sleeper because of my asthma but the #Fibromyalgia and #Bursitis make that really hard so I have to switch sides constantly because of the pain. Also chronic #sinusitis acting up for the win. Constantly have a #Migraine too.

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Feeling trapped by pain, no relief options.

TW: #ChronicPain #Anxiety #SuicidalIdeation #Vent

I’ve lived with chronic pain all my life. Diagnosed with #ChronicMigraines at 6, #TemporomandibularJointDisorders at 14, #PsoriaticArthritis in all joints at 28, #Fibromyalgia at 29, #PolycysticOvarySyndrome at 30, #Cancer at 39, #ChemotherapyinducedPeripheralNeuropathy at 40. And countless other diagnosis along the way like #Asthma , #Diabetes , #sjogrens , #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome , #Cardiomyopathy , #CongestiveHeartFailure , #Anemia . All while dealing with #CPTSD , #MajorDepression , #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder , #DomesticAbuse , #ChildhoodSexualAbuse , #MedicalTrauma .

I’ve been in and out of hospital for both the cancer and my heart lately. The bile duct liver cancer is responding to chemo however due to a port that needs replacement and having been in hospital, I’ve not had chemo in a month. So it’ll be starting back up soon. I’m mixed about it, on the one hand what was meant to be palliative had turned out to be curative so that’s amazing. On the other hand the sickness and pain of chemo this time will suck because no meds!

No meds? Yes, no pain meds or pain management anything aside from “a” Tylenol if I really need it, not the prescription kind. Earlier this month while in hospital for my heart they decided 90% of the meds I was on were “heart toxic”, including my mental health meds and pain meds. So they had me cold turkey all of those and I can’t go back on them because they’re trying to give my heart a chance to improve and heal with the help of heart meds and off the meds that were bad for my heart. As well as lifestyle changes. My ejection fraction is 20-25% since April. They think it stemmed from a virus or infection and usually that heals within 6 months but the meds + weakness from chemo (my chemo meds don’t affect the heart itself) were not allowing it to heal. So now no pain meds, no pain preventing meds. No mental health meds aside from a Xanex to use in emergencies but can’t be mixed with or taken near my heart meds. Which means I can’t ever use it because I take heart meds 3x day.

Now I’m having pain flares of everything at once because no chemo for a while means my immune system is awake again and overreacting to literally all the things. I know pain, I’ve lived all my life with it and I have a high threshold for it. But I’ve never had to live with it in all its fury and all at once without help for any of it. The full pain with my untreated anxiety has led to almost nightly severe panic attacks at night because the severity of the pain keeps me from being able to sleep. I’m also freaking out at the thought of having to do chemo with no side effect help.

The intense pain/anxiety combo is throwing me deep in depression again and bringing back all the thoughts of ending things. It’s just so much to deal with at once, losing hope so quickly.

Thank you for letting me vent & for any support!