emotional intensity

So today I had this incident where I did something wrong and my manger like corrected my mistake and kinda reprimanded me firmly but not harsh.
Like just point out my flaws.
Which is normal right? Like no one would learn your mistake if ppl where nice to you all the time. I’m aware of that.
But I got so angry with her and I started to cry and whail.
Then 10min later I wasn’t angry with her anymore because I acknowledge my fault but then I got angry with myself for reacting this way. Then when I thought that each time someone points out my flaw I have to react this way, and repeat the cycle cause it hurts like crazy mad, I started to want to hurt myself and then suicide. Like I went to that extent.
I hate myself for this.
Anyone else can help me and tell me if you have had similar experience.
Thanks. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #EmotionalIntensity #EUPD #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #anger

I’m mostly numb and empty, but I can still feel the overwhelming emotions in the back of my head. Panic, fear, stress, worry, loneliness, anger. I can feel the numbness most prominently, but I can still feel everything else churning in the background. Ughh I hate this instability in my head. I’ve had this for years, but it’s only gotten worse recently. I want to be numb, but more than that I want to feel calm. I don’t even care about feeling happy, I just want calmness in my own head.

#emotionallynumb #Emotionallydrained #numbness #numb #Depression #Stress #scared #EmotionalIntensity

I’ve been browsing online the last few days, trying to understand what’s been going on in my head, and I came across quiet bpd. I don’t know much about it, beyond what’s on the Internet, and I don’t want to assume that the internet is correct, so I’m asking a few questions here to see if quiet bpd is something I should discuss with a therapist or if there are just similarities between quiet bpd and what is going on in my head. (Sorry if I end up using incorrect terms or anything, I’m brain-dead, tired, confused, and overwhelmed, so I might not be thinking clearly enough to correctly explain things.

Anyways, online I’ve seen splitting often described as people being put into “categories” of almost a “good vs bad, love vs hate” etc. So I guess I have a couple of questions, is it only two “categories” or can it be more than two? Can splitting be applied to things other than people, like to situations or environments or events or acting?

And my main question that is more directly connected to what’s going on in my head, can splitting basically be having these people that you love and adore and love spending time with and everything, and then it just shuts off, the part of you that’s emotionally connected to these people just shuts off. It’s not that you suddenly hate these people or you think they’re bad or going to necessarily hurt you or anything, but your emotions towards them just.. switch off. Maybe the majority of your emotions have also shut off simultaneously due to overwhelming emotions or situations, or maybe the emotions directly linked to the person/people have just shut off. Maybe there is a subconscious fear of abandonment and/or being emotionally vulnerable. Maybe there’s a fear of being a burden on them or them actually hurting you somehow.
Can that still be considered splitting, the divide between consciously loving these people and wanting to be around them and feeling emotionally connected with them vs feeling nothing or possibly a few trace negative feelings that may or may not be connected to those people.

Sorry for a bit of a ramble, I’m just trying to figure out my own head, and get a better understanding of quiet bpd so I can know whether or not I should look into this with a therapist.

#quietborderline #quietbpd #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #bpdsymptoms #EmotionalIntensity #emotionallynumb

I'm calm in the outside, but on fire on the inside. I'm full of hate for someone I've cared about for a while now. I didn't gradually hate them, it happened instantly. I've been cursing them all day, wishing evil on them. I haven't been myself in a long time, I'm normally not like this either. I'm very tired of everything and everyone. Just yesterday, I was dying to feel loved, but today I'm full of rage, I feel numb, and I don't want anything to do with love ever again. There is no in between for me. #MentalHealth #hate #Rage #shifting #EmotionalIntensity #IntenseFeelings #nomiddleground #TiredOfMyThoughts #tiredofitall

I wrote this some hours ago...

Woman, Interrupted

My chest feels heavy, but I feel empty...
The dark thoughts are back and I’m wanting to taste death again.
I separate myself from the world for my protection,
My emotions at times are so intense that I want to tear myself
Out of my skin,
The times I want to cry, I want to scream as well,
When I am angry, I want to destroy all that’s in front of me,
There is so much that’s there that I can’t even put into words
That I just keep it all inside.
I want to be near you, but I can’t let you get close to me-
But who can really love a woman with an illness that hasn’t
Been named?
Who would dare to put their sanity on the line to give affection
To damaged souls?
Understand that with all the love that I have inside me,
I still will feel like I’m forever missing the mark,
That in my efforts to go the extra mile, it may not be good enough...
That I will never feel good enough.
I’m ruined and I don’t want to do the same to you,
So please...
Run.
#MentalHealth #NamelessFeeling #Poetry #MightyPoets #EmotionalIntensity #Emotions #NotGoodEnough #Depression #MentalIllnessHurts

The other day, I’ve come to realize that (among other things) I have a hard time saying “no” to things and people who aren’t good for me. Along with that, setting boundaries is another issue because I feel bad for standing my ground. I also have a hard time speaking my mind as to what I want or need from people. Sometimes I do know what I want, but I can’t put it into words or like most times I’m indecisive. One thing that I really don’t like is the fact that I’m easily affected by other people’s emotions. If they are angry, I get angry. If they cry, I cry. Some my say that it’s a good thing, but for me, I feel utterly embarrassed if I don’t have control over my emotions in front of other people. ( Let alone the fact that I have a hard time controlling my emotions period.) If and when I do cry, I can’t stop. When I’m angry, it’s explosive and very hard to come down from when I’m in that space. I don’t take criticism well at all. My mind instantly goes to what I call “self destructive mode” which is an endless cycle of me feeling myself that I’ve messed up or that I’m worthless (among other thoughts). During these times, I feel anxious, distraught, I isolate myself (which makes it worse). I end up injuring myself when I can’t stop the negative thoughts. I’ve got a lot to work on and a lot of things that I haven’t forgiven myself for. All I can say is that I’m still learning how to live. #MentalHealth #NegativeThoughts #realizations #SettingBoundaries #Emotions #EmotionalIntensity #Selfdesructive

i just want to #Sleep . i don’t feel these painful emotions when i sleep. when i don’t sleep, my #EmotionalIntensity gets 10 times worse. i hate laying here though the hours of the night. it always seems too, just as the sky is turning purple and the sun is coming up, that’s when my body and brain are finally ready to give in.
i just want one good night of rest

I haven't seen my newer girlfriend for over two weeks and don't know when I will see her again. She is being actively and aggressively stalked by a past boyfriend. My best friend and sounding board unexpectedly just had to put down her beloved cat. My mother is trying to emotionally manipulate me regarding Christmas in which my sister and her family will be there and they refuse to talk to me in the wake of our brother's suicide one year ago. I have only had two days off work for the past month. Stress dreams and almost constant naseua. I so hate life and myself #Depression #IfYouFeelHopeless #EmotionalIntensity #anger #selfhatred #Fatigue