I have experienced different types of abuse and #Bullying both in and out of the workplace.
I also work in an office that develops workplace training materials, where we discuss a lot of interpersonal conflict situations. Ironically, or perhaps predictably, there are plenty of situations at work that trigger my trauma symptoms.
I used to pride myself on being able to keep things together, at least on the outside, and have a high-achieving reputation before my chronic health issues. In the last couple years, I’ve felt a lot of embarrassment, shame, lack of control, and self-resentment over not being able to stabilize what I didn’t realize at the time was largely my untreated CPTSD. Whether it was a happy life event like my engagement, sad like one of the multiple deaths of loved ones passed in a year, crippling like the bottomless misery and fog of my confounding conditions, or reasonably stressful like being chronically #overworked and malnourished... I used to bottle it all up, huff the hashtag of #FirstWorldProblems when trying to forewarn others and objectively state what was partially on my mind, suddenly overreact to a trigger in front of others at work, and spend a lot of time loathing myself and ruminating on what I should do next to repair my reputation. My personality has changed a lot, and although I’m coming to terms with not needing to be a former self to a tee, I’m still working on that balance of explaining to help others understand as much as they need, valuing my own need and right to privacy, accepting that not everyone will understand no matter how or what you choose to say, and just being a somewhat “normal” person at work with PTSD lingering under the surface without a directly foreseeable end. I’m doing the work and know it will take time, and will hopefully be a worthwhile journey to lifelong recovery.
So, you’ve read a bit of my story. Have you ever broken down at work due to triggered panic or trauma? Do you have advice for how you bounce back? How do you deal with #Relationships at work in this regard? And are there helpful questions or tips you’ve solicited from your therapist related to this that have shifted your approach for the better?
Sending you all peace and healing. Thanks!