autism spectrum disorders

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    Nowhere to go from here

    My wife just blew up at me. We need to communicate better, she said. She has a habit of telling me what negative thoughts I am thinking and feeling, and then adding, "well am I wrong?" to it. This is years in the making. Essentially, it happens when she asks me a question or tells me about something, and my tone of voice sounds negative to her, or my face or body language looks negative.

    I have chronic pain as well as deep depression, so it is difficult for me to convincingly put on a happy face, or speak with joy in my voice. But I do try my best to speak in neutral tones at the very least, and I have thought that I have a resting face of a neutral mood or higher as much as possible.

    It has been building for a long time. I am struck out of the blue most times when she tells me what I am thinking, and how unfair that is, and paints me as the bad guy and her as the innocent one. In the early days, it would just shock me, and sometimes confuse me. In the last couple of years, it just makes me angry and defensive. We've had plenty of arguments about it, but no agreement. She doesn't see it as mind reading because she says "I 'feel like' you were disgusted by what I just said, and you shouldn't be", or "I 'feel' that you think I'm stupid just because I did X, or Y". She says since she uses the word "feel", she isn't mind reading, and so it's up to me to tell her if she's right or wrong. Well, I have been telling her she's wrong for over 40 years now, and that only makes her angry and defensive. I told her time and again that I get mad when people try to read my mind and put words into my mouth. I tell her to skip saying the part about what she is so sure that I am thinking, and just ASK ME what I am thinking, instead. Ninety percent of the time, I am not only NOT thinking what she thinks I am, but I am thinking about some other subject altogether. Then when she accuses me of thinking some negative thing, it hits me out of the blue, and I register it as an insult. I asked her why she can't just ASK me what I am thinking, or ask me how I am feeling. I would welcome both of those if they were honest questions. I would feel like I was cared about. That makes perfect sense to me, but she doesn't see it that way. She says that she's just being honest, and that she IS asking me how I feel, or what I am thinking, when she tells me what she feels like I am thinking. We can't get past that. So she got louder and more accusatory, and then angrily walked out.

    I don't know what to do. I am battling Major Depressive Disorder, CPTSD, Anxiety, ADHD and severe Chronic Pain. I am doing the very best that I can. I am on disability, and I fill my days and evenings reading books on my various diagnoses, learning as much as I can, so that I can better control, or adapt, or adjust to the reality of my life, and I do feel good about that. I have tried to share some of this with her, both verbally, and by sharing articles with her via email. She seems stand-offish about it, at best. When I ask her outright if she wants to learn more, she swears she does, but she has a life, therefore she just doesn't have the time or energy to read much about it. I told her a few minutes ago that I will stop burdening her with it, and will stop sending her articles and such. She rebuffed that idea, but added again that she just doesn't have the time. She said she is doing the best that she can in trying to deal with all my problems, and she doesn't have the energy or the will to do it any more. She's "had it."

    She came back and brought up another time recently that I was unreasonable, saying that she had told me something about her job, and I had reacted with sarcasm and disgust. I remember it well. It was just the opposite. She told me that her employer was giving $50 bonuses to anyone who got a Covid booster shot, and I responded "wow, that must be nice. Go ahead and do that." She and I both agree that that's all that I said. But she says I was being sarcastic, and spit the words out like venom, and I thought it was disgusting. I remember calmly saying those words, genuinely happy for her to get $50 just for getting a shot that we both were going to get anyway. The difference, more than likely, was the fact that during the time that she was unwinding after work and telling me bonus, as well as about the rest of her day, I was in a pit of depression, and I was in a ton of physical pain from my legs and my back. I know that had to have affected the tone of my voice, the look on my face, and my body language. But I don't talk about the pain, because it would sound whiney and redundant. I was just sitting there listening to her, and I thought I answered appropriately and honestly. Anyway, that night, after I had answered her, she responded by telling me what (she believed) I was thinking and feeling, and she wanted to know what my response was. My response was "that's not an argument I am willing to have right now." To me, I was angry that "it" was happening again, and I could argue about it like so many times before, or I could choose not to. I chose not to argue. To her, I had just insulted her, and said she isn't worth arguing with, and since I had not argued, then what she had thought about me must indeed be true.

    If (and when) she "reads my mind" again, and assigns various negative thoughts and feelings to me, we could bypass all of this trouble if she could just hold those 'mind-read thoughts' inside, and just ask me two simple questions, instead. First, "how are you feeling?" And second, "what are you tinking." I will gladly and honestly answer her. But I just can't take any more veritable accusations for thinking and feeling certain ways, and then be expected to explain or defend myself, meanwhile letting it roll off me like water off of a duck's back. It's not an argument I'm having anymore.

    Thanks for listening.
    ♧♧♧

    #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #CPTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Anxiety #ADHD #Autism #BodyFocusedRepetitiveBehaviors #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome #AutismSpectrumDisorders #TreatmentresistantDepression #TRD #ASD #anhedonia #ChronicDepression #ChronicPain #SpinalStenosis #GAD #Sadness #CombinedPresentationADHD #SmilingDepression #SocialAnxietyDisorder #Disability #MentalHealth #Insomnia #DiabetesType2 #Diabetes #Asthma #Hypertension #Hypervigilance #nerveandjointpain #HearingLoss #Grief #generationaltrauma #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #TraumaRecovery #Trauma #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #MedicalTrauma #IntergenerationalTrauma #Trauma #SexualTrauma #traumasurvivor #Survivor #EmotionalAbuse #ChiildhoodSexualAbuse #ChildhoodEmotionalAbuse #PsychologicalAbuse #PTSD #AdverseChildhoodExperiences #ChildhoodAbuse #ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #RAD #attachment #Childhoodneglect #attachmentdisorder #ChildAbuseandNeglect #FearOfAbandonment #abandonment #Suicide #SuicideLossSurvivors #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #PassiveSuicidalIdeation #suicidal #Depression #MajorDepression

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    Repetitive HUMMING while watching movies and TV?

    Whenever I am watching TV or movies, anything except comedy, I continually hum, and have done so all my life. Sometimes I hum an actual tune, but in the vast majority of the time, I hum  just 2 or 3 random notes, which I will repeat for really long periods of time. Sometimes it is in unison with a main note in the background music, or a harmony,  but most times the notes have nothing to do with the music soundtrack. As you can imagine, it distracts and irritates other people to varying degrees. My solution, since I haven't been able to stop it, is just to watch alone. If you still don't understand what I am talking about, imagine sitting next to someone humming the cello notes to the theme from JAWS while you are trying to concentrate on an episode of The Gilmore Girls, or Dateline, or Law & Order.  I've done this my whole life, and it soothes me while at the same time it embarrasses me because I can't stop without starting up again a couple of minutes later, usually unbeknownst to me. I'm not actually looking for a cure for this. I just want to know if I am the only one, and does anybody know why I might do it, or where it comes from? Thanks for your time. Peace.♧

    #Humming #ADHD #CPTSD #DistractMe #Anxiety #hums #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Autism #Aspergers #PervasiveDevelopmentalDisorders #ASD #AutismSpectrumDisorders #Stimming #stim #BodyFocusedRepetitiveBehaviors #BFRBAwarenessWeek #ADHD #CombinedPresentationADHD #noise #Music #Selfsoothing #Soothing #Calming #Depression #neurodiverse #neurodivergent #distraction #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #obsess #obssess #Singing #ThroatSinging #noise #Movies #TV #Drama #Fidgety #restless    #DisruptiveImpulseControlAndConductDisorders #impulsive #compulsion #Habit #habitual #Misophonia #

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    Doctor Prescriptions

    So, I took a bunch of tests showing it’s highly likely I am on the spectrum (it makes so much sense) and I sent the information to my doctor.

    His response was, “Lets focus on getting you feeling better first,” and prescribed me kolonopin.

    He’s an old, white southern guy and honestly very sweet but I was hoping for some more conversation about it. My anxiety is off the charts right now so I’m grateful to try something new but I did want to talk about autism, too.

    What are some questions I can bring to the table? Thanks

    #Autism #AutismSpectrumDisorders #ADHD #Anxiety

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    A question for autistic people: What’s a well accepted symbol/emblem that represents the community?

    I’m an art student, and recently my brother requested me to design a tattoo for him. A tattoo that represents his relationship with autism/how autism is apart of what makes him. I’ve been careful and somewhat concerned about this, because most symbols that represent autism are frowned upon due to their history and what they’re associated with. I want to be informed as much as possible, and to want to do something acceptable and won’t be offensive to him or the community. #Autism #AutismSpectrumDisorders #Aspergers #question

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    Has anyone with autism noticed their response to sensory stimuli never seems to be reduced?

    I have ASD Level 1 and live right behind a fire door that swings. Every time it swings, no matter how hard it hits, I have a meltdown without any build-up. It swung 7 times in 3 hours yesterday. I ended up leaving my apartment because I could no longer handle the constant noise. I read in the studies there can be poor habituation in autism or lack of it, which is the process by which your brain reduces your reaction to a stimulus when exposed to the same stimuli repeatedly. Has anyone else with autism had this problem?
    #Autism #AutismSpectrumDisorders   #Aspergers

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    Hello! I’m new!

    Hello! My name is Arie and I’m 19. I have Autism so I thought this would be a good group to join! I can’t wait to see what it’s all about and I can’t wait to get to know everyone! #New #Autism #AutismSpectrumDisorders

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    Facing new challenges together. #AutismAcceptance #AutismAdvocacy

    Hey y’all, this is my first time posting on here. My hubby and I have recently come to terms that he may very well have #Autism and even though we’re both really positive about it, and even thankful to better understand his mind, it’s a lot to take in. Its actually really been wonderful since we’ve come to peace with it; we feel closer and more at ease because we feel like we can communicate more clearly.
    Any other wives or spouses that can offer encouragement about a spouse on the spectrum?
    #LoveOnTheSpectrum #AutismSpectrumDisorders

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    It’s Friday night. What are all my autistic peeps and homies doing tonight?

    We’re getting a late start, but my small, yet cool group of guys (and two kids) that I play D & D with.

    Since COVID we’ve been playing not at our local comic book store (check out the wicked cool floor)on an online platform named Discord.

    The awesome thing about playing online without sounds means I can play on my underwear and eat/drink what I want. If it’s going to crunch and be loud, I’ll just hit mute.”
    #Autism #AutismSpectrumDisorders #Friday #FridaySocial #AspergersSyndrome #Aspergers #AutisticAdults #Autistic #ComicBook #Dungeons &Dragons #Fun #notweirdjustautistic #Autistic

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    I need advice for my relationship. He has ASD and we are struggling #AutismSpectrumDisorders

    i really need advice... he is struggling to communicate and be honest about what he is feeling. he is constantly worried about how hes going to make me feel and afraid of unintentionally hurting me but i just want to fix this...

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