Chatspace

I've been with my 3rd therapist now since mid November & I'm still trying to get a vibe. The only one so far is "awkward" & I'm trying not to let that be the main reason of possibly finding a new one.... yet, I don't wanna start all over again with my story. Ugh.

What I mean by "awkward" is once I'm done talking or explaining something, it's complete silence for a minute or so. Grant it, I do my sessions via zoom & it can have some delays, but y'all, delays don't take THAT long. I'm not a fan of awkward silence & stares. My last therapist kept the convo going. Kept the sessions going. I liked that therapist. Wish they didn't leave & I was able to follow her.
Also, I'm an avid journal writer. She knows this. So now, all she suggests is do this in your journal. Do that in your journal. Journal this. Journal that. Some days I don't mind it yet some days I'm like, give me something else lady. Lol.

Has any of y'all had a therapist like that? Just made it "awkward" in some sessions?

#Therapist #Therapy #Chatspace #Anxiety #Depression #Insomnia #PTSD #Migraines #GAD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Healing

... Sundays seem to be the day my mind wanders & overflows itself with "I should do this.." "what ifs" "I need to do this.." & other random things.

My Sunday job gives me the opportunity to let my mind go it's own way yet I can't act on those "ideas" & what not til I get home, obviously. Annoying thing tho, when I get home, my mind shuts completely off & nothing gets accomplished.

I journal at night & some times, I "yell" at myself for allowing sabotage vibes take control. I "yell" at myself for not following thru with the plans I originally made.

Every Jan. 1st, I come up with a word for the year & this year I've chosen "Accountability." Start holding myself accountable for my own actions. My own self sabotage. My own doings. I want all this in my life & yet I don't follow thru for the most part. Accountability is something I've needed to focus on for some time now! This yr, it's time.

I've made a list of 300 things I'd love to accomplish this year. Have I read it to myself in the morning since Jan. 1st? No, I have not! See why I chose that word? Lol. Have I done any of my daily intentions or daily chores I've set out to accomplish for that day, no I have not.

My inner world is so broken. Trying to heal & fix cycles that have been on repeat for so long, that ish is hard to demolish. It's like taking a tiny hammer to some very strong cemet bricks & no progress is made. I need my sledgehammer.

My Sunday Thoughts have been a thing for some time now. Trying to carry them into the week is not easy for me. All I do is beat myself up. Therapy has helped some on how to flip the switch of negative talk to positive, but I find myself quickly sinking to the bottom of the negative.

Speaking of therapy, when new wounds are open, those trigger next day emotions that some days lead to a few days in a row. Journaling those specific emotions is a release to an extent. Insomnia comes out of the woods & is like, let's play. Again, my mind wanders to whatever is thrown its way... nvr ending cycle.

You know that story, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie..... the lil guy remembers so much with every task he's given & leads to more tasks... that's how I feel most days & nights. Mind is non stop!

..... just like this post. I can just keep going with whatever is on my mind, but I'm not going to. Ugh. My life. My life of a wandering mind. My life of trying to calm thy mind..

#Anxiety #Depression #Insomnia #IntrusiveThoughts #Migraines #Therapy #Healing #CheckInWithMe #Chatspace #GAD #PTSD #Undiagnoused #NegativeThoughts

.... to get the thoughts out of head & I'm not a fan of "notes" on the phone.

Here I sit in my car, church parking lot, due to work & the thoughts of anxiety are consuming so much space.
I've noticed the emotions since yesterday & allowed myself to just sit & recognize what my mind & body was trying to tell me.

Last Sunday I returned home from my very first out of state solo trip. Drove 13 hrs from AZ to CO & that was beyond needed. Idk why I allowed self-sabotage to control me for so long. Once I got back, I felt my depression creep in for a day or two. Got that under controlled.

This past Friday I felt my anxiety try to come & play during work. I fought it off due to being at work & not wanting to cause a scene. That night it was good. Went out & saw The Lion King Musical for the first time. Loved it. That calmed the nerves.

Today, I can feel every emotion trying to creep its way back in. I'm trying to remember techniques I've been shared yet some are not quite what is needed.

Tuesday is my session after having a week off. I can not wait for it. Much needed. This therapist has been such a blessing in disguise. Opened so many doors, good & bad, yet the bad has put a lot into perspective. Always looking for the positive in a negative situation. Always reasoning behind actions... I believe.

My mind & body is just full of so much right now. Trying to sit with everything yet trying to push some emotions to the side is exhausting. Remembering I'm at work is what's keeping me from crashing to my knees.

Ya'll, mental illness is not for the weak. This ish is hard.... & I will not be giving up nor giving in. I will come thru on top. I will define my life. This constant "battle" will not.

If you've made it thus far, you're the real mvp. I was just trying to calm thy thoughts the way I know how. Thank you. 🖤

#Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #Trauma #selfsabotage #Migraines #Healing #Therapy #Insomnia #Chatspace #CheckInWithMe #GAD

What are some techniques you are doing on this healing journey?

Inner child work.
Shadow work.
Self-Help Books

What are some advice, pointers, & suggestions you'd give someone who is on the journey who feels hopeless. Clueless. Weak. Unmotivated. & any other "negative" adjective.

Pinterest is only doing so much.
Therapy is helping yet some days sessions feel pointless.

Any & all help is greatly appreciated.
#Anxiety #Depression #Migraines #Chatspace #CheckInWithMe #undiagnoised #MentalHealth #Insomnia #Grief #Healing #Therapy #selfhelp #ShadowWork #innerchild #PTSD #Trauma