Disruptive, Impulse-Control, and Conduct Disorders

My grandson is back in the psych ward Baker Acted again. I am, his biological maternal grandmother (Nanny). The court awarded me full guardianship, he's now 23 yrs old. I have been a constant figure in his life since he was 4 months old. His mother, my daughter has cerebral palsy. It's difficult enough raising a child but when your physically challenged it's extremely hard. Now let's factor in things that just weren't "right"..delayed speech... wouldn't look you in the eye...night terrors.... tactical issues..no boundaries..constant motion...hitting..self mutilated.. .and the tantrums that escalated into severe violence. He would always scream to his mom/teacher get nanny, get nanny she knows.. After years of many doctors shrinks medicines behavior analysis the diagnosis is... Rapid cycling raging bipolar.. ADHD.. Autism. spectrum.. hearing impaired..speech delayed..ambulation issues and if that isn't enough severely emotionally and mentally delayed. When he was only 10 yrs old he had been Baker Acted 13 times. I went into court yelling at the judge and finally had him removed from his mother's home. I was terrified he'd wind up hurting her or himself more not on purpose he just doesn't understand. The police actually thought we were destroying her apartment until one day it happened in school. He lived in a small group home for several years was doing well, then one day he destroyed the entire home. Where he is now he has destroyed property there also. He's also snuck out and gone to a neighbor's home and broke their windows. Now they have alarms and cameras everywhere. He'll sit in the middle of the living room with a belt around his neck saying he's hanging himself when the police see that it's immediate Baker Act... doesn't matter if he doesn't comprehend.
Today I get a call he got out of the group home went to a neighbor's home and took a brick to the guys car! Police/ Baker Acted. The second he's non compliant he gets shot with psychotropic meds. It just seems unfair that somebody who doesn't have the mental capacity to understand he has a mental illness gets treated like this and there's no other way. This is what breaks my heart into a billion pieces each time. While I never laid a hand on him except to restrain during his rages
He would spit on me tell me I'm a f...bitch try to bite me and f*** you I hate you I'm gonna kill you. Finally it would stop he'd start crying, then ask "whys everything a pig mess" our word for broken mess.
When he was little I'd tell him if you don't listen I'll snatch you bald headed. That always scared him. So now I wait for the med call from the psych ward and we're back on the carousel of mental health.
My biggest fear, since he's 23 yrs old and 6'1" what if he gets or pretends he has a weapon and...... #Bipolar1Disorder #ADHD #Autism #mentally Challenged# Emotionally Delayed #DisruptiveImpulseControlAndConductDisorders #SpeechDisorders #AuditoryProcessingDisorder #HipDysplasia # mentally delayed

Dear Social Media Friends, Family, and Readers:

It seems as though many of us have had a rough year. I have read wishes to see the end of 2019 from people I was not expecting to express such trying times. I feel you.
I tried changing my tune this year. I didn’t get as involved with sociopolitical posts. I pushed the positive moments of my personal life forwards. I posted a lot of pictures that reflected happiness and fulfillment-like many of us do. As much as I want to say that they were true reflections of how wonderful my life has been in 2019, I can’t honestly say that it’s been some landmark year in manifestation. If anything, this has been one of the most stressful years of my life-including the years leading up to and over my divorce.
I dealt with everything from a two-year relationship fraught with struggle, major health issues for my youngest child and myself, a major car crash, crippling expenses as a result of all of the above, work-related concerns, the loss of a beloved pet, a wasp infestation, a major flood in my living room, on-again-off-again smoking, losing two former students and neighbors (15 & 16 years old) to gun violence in their home, and the mounting worries and frustrations of raising an angry tween, an ADHD tween, and a 7 year old who may be on the spectrum-to name a few of my issues. I walked away from the relationship head held high, finally walked the stage with my BA Magna Cum Laude (along with a handful of other academic awards and honors), and made a bunch of spectacular new friends, too! But, I feel the weight of the tasks still at hand more than the victories I’ve worked so hard to earn.
As a counselor and educator for teen boys involved with the juvenile justice system, I put on a smile everyday. I love my work sons, and show them how to forge ahead in a healthy way when it doesn’t feel as though it’s possible-because I know. But, at the end of the day, I feel broken by everything pushing me into a proverbial corner. I feel unloved and unloveable.
My children-my own, that is-have engendered attitudes that have triggered the same feelings of doubt and instability that their father instilled in me years ago. Over the past three days alone, my oldest stood on my neck while I was trying to say goodnight to her 10-year-old brother; the following night, my 10-year-old antagonized the rest of us for 12 hours because he didn’t get sushi for lunch; and today, my little became so frustrated at bowling that he had a meltdown that resulted in biting, kicking, hitting, and scratching me-leaving cuts all over my arms, neck, and scalp.
I am exhausted. I want this year to be over. But, I’m afraid that nothing will change next year-even with help in place. In the meantime, I will continue to post positive looking moments to look back on the good. I hope for everyone who has struggled this year fir a better 2020. Love to all💜 #struggle #singleparent #Anxiety #ADHD #DisruptiveImpulseControlAndConductDisorders

Dear Social Media Friends, Family, and Readers:

It seems as though many of us have had a rough year. I have read wishes to see the end of 2019 from people I was not expecting to express such trying times. I feel you.
I tried changing my tune this year. I didn’t get as involved with sociopolitical posts. I pushed the positive moments of my personal life forwards. I posted a lot of pictures that reflected happiness and fulfillment-like many of us do. As much as I want to say that they were true reflections of how wonderful my life has been in 2019, I can’t honestly say that it’s been some landmark year in manifestation. If anything, this has been one of the most stressful years of my life-including the years leading up to and over my divorce.
I dealt with everything from a two-year relationship fraught with struggle, major health issues for my youngest child and myself, a major car crash, crippling expenses as a result of all of the above, work-related concerns, the loss of a beloved pet, a wasp infestation, a major flood in my living room, on-again-off-again smoking, losing two former students and neighbors (15 & 16 years old) to gun violence in their home, and the mounting worries and frustrations of raising an angry tween, an ADHD tween, and a 7 year old who may be on the spectrum-to name a few of my issues. I walked away from the relationship head held high, finally walked the stage with my BA Magna Cum Laude (along with a handful of other academic awards and honors), and made a bunch of spectacular new friends, too! But, I feel the weight of the tasks still at hand more than the victories I’ve worked so hard to earn.
As a counselor and educator for teen boys involved with the juvenile justice system, I put on a smile everyday. I love my work sons, and show them how to forge ahead in a healthy way when it doesn’t feel as though it’s possible-because I know. But, at the end of the day, I feel broken by everything pushing me into a proverbial corner. I feel unloved and unloveable.
My children-my own, that is-have engendered attitudes that have triggered the same feelings of doubt and instability that their father instilled in me years ago. Over the past three days alone, my oldest stood on my neck while I was trying to say goodnight to her 10-year-old brother; the following night, my 10-year-old antagonized the rest of us for 12 hours because he didn’t get sushi for lunch; and today, my little became so frustrated at bowling that he had a meltdown that resulted in biting, kicking, hitting, and scratching me-leaving cuts all over my arms, neck, and scalp.
I am exhausted. I want this year to be over. But, I’m afraid that nothing will change next year-even with help in place. In the meantime, I will continue to post positive looking moments to look back on the good. I hope for everyone who has struggled this year fir a better 2020. Love to all💜 #struggle #singleparent #Anxiety #ADHD #DisruptiveImpulseControlAndConductDisorders

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So today me & my best friend have decided to part ways for the best.. because I love her I bring her too much anxiety & stress & I hate myslef for it. I can’t have relationships because I’m just too much.. I know I’m a good person In so many other ways but my strong emotions always seem to spoil everything in my life my bpd I don’t know is a blessing as it’s protected me when I was little but now every day is a battle with this disorder... I have to live with it for my girls or I’d be gone I wouldn’t choose this pain for anyone.
No one can put up with me I’m just a mess.
If I love someone I end up ruining it & the best thing to do is let our friendship go because I’m hurting her without meaning to & vice versa how sad is this ? 💔
Plus my dad is having a heart bypass today & my body feels in so much emotional pain right now I want to self medicate or self harm so so soooo bad but it’s what could lose me my children.. the only two ppl that keep me going 😢