frustrated

yes i can show how much God helps me but sometimes i hate C.P. im tired of my name being would u repeat that i didn't understand u #frustrated

A coworker went off on me today and after an already rough morning, I had to step away to break down for a minute. Ever since when I think of it even for a minute I feel like I'm frozen and get really upset all over again. Idk why. I did nothing wrong.
She has been a problem for a while because of multiple issues with many things, but today may have tipped the scales of finally making her leave(or rather get fired).
I still feel pretty shook from it and idk why I can't shrug it off. Ive already been feeling awful and now it's like I can't escape it. #Anxiety
#Depression
#Drama
#frustrated

Dealing with grandparents who took custody of my son, continue to push against me by subtlety 'asking' I drive to get my son(I have neither a license right now or a vehicle but a roomie n friend who has helped...in emergency) they assume I can do this. Court orders it I pay them money in child support which seems wrong. Anyways the judge ordered it as they asked and the reason was transportation costs n now it's suddenly not good enough and I'm the only solution. I suspect they sooner maintain custody and control our time to as it's shown in little things like tell me not to cut my son's hair...he needed one so I did so. Normal yes? Well they're taking this shit. Since they pay they take final say is that it. I've caught their lies n in court. The judge seems amblivious. I fear it's gonna wind up right back there. Arregh I hate it. #anger is a central secondary feeling to the frustration and feeling disgusted by their arrogance.

I had a cardiologist appointment today to check on some of my health issues that have been going on for multiple years. Today I saw four doctors in total (all who focus on the heart and everything like that) I told them some of my symptoms but they didn’t let me finish and they said I have something that I’ll grow out of. They said I should drink more water and work out (when I work out my heartbeat is 170) they didn’t want to do ANY tests or try ANY medications. There is a cardiologist in that office that focuses on the autonomic nervous system and they wouldn’t let me make an appointment with them even though I told them my pcp said it be a good idea to see someone who specializes in the autonomic nervous system and my pcp suspects dysautonomia. I have to wait until THEY call me to make an appointment with the doctor that could actually help me but they don’t know when they will call me. They also said I don’t have a connective tissue disorder even though a genetic specialist and rheumatologist diagnosed me with one!!! I’m so tired of not getting the medical attention I need!!!
#Dysautonomia #AutonomicDysfunction #Depression #frustrated

I don’t have OCD personally but I have Anxiety GAD and I came across this while trying to find why I’m super anxious than normal and obsessed with my breath. I will feel so dump and weak like I can’t control it and it’s taking over my day and making me feel miserable like I can’t take a deep breath in and then I panic and it cycles and I’m constantly monitoring my breath where it doesn’t go automatic like it should :( please help sometimes even after meditation or deep breathing I still don’t feel good. #Anxiety #OCD #help #panic #AnxietyAttacks #PanicAttacks #anxious #sad #Upset #miserable #frustrated #dumb

#lonely #stressed /#frustrated #dispaxia #Anxiety #MentalHealth

Am I the only person that can't seem to navigate this new format? I was offline for awhile and now I'm not liking the new format. #frustrated #just stupid

I feel so lost and like I'm struggling right now. I really am. Once again, my emotions got me in trouble. I don't like fighting with people but I have this terrible habit of shutting people out. I suppose it's due to a lack of role models when it came to modeling emotions or the simple fact that I was abused. Whatever the case may be I am so disgusted with myself. I know people mean well when they want to talk to me when I'm upset but for whatever reason I'd rather go days without speaking to them. I am trying to understand why this is. I don't like hurting people because it only makes me feel worse about myself than I already do. It's like this vicious circle of shutting people out then feeling bad later because I said or did something out of line. I know my avoidance tactics can be kinda excessive often lasting for a week or so. It's not that I have anxiety about talking to people, I don't know what it is.

I just feel so lost at the moment. There is so much going on currently that it's like I'm being bombarded with information, thoughts and feelings. Meanwhile trying to work and maintain a healthy relationship. I don't know if my symptoms are flaring up again or if I am simply overreacting. Whichever the case, I don't like it. I try to manage my symptoms with therapy and medications but as I've written before I am at risk of losing that which has me very worried. I am also not looking forward to something that I have to do which I know will be very triggering. That has been occupying my mind and making it hard to do anything. I talked about this in therapy but that doesn't seem to be enough. I'm just at a loss right now. It feels like I am going backwards and my life is falling apart again. I don't want to jeopardize my relationship or anything else.

I just feel defeated and while I may be working towards healing each day, recently things have not been working out in my favor. I hate being so emotionally reactive. I wish I could just act rationally sometimes like other people do. While I could rant about why I dislike my mental illnesses I won't. I just really need some help/encouragement right now. Prayers too please (if you're into that). I just don't want to go down a dark path of self harm again. I am not saying I'll do it, only that I don't want those thoughts to return. We are here for each other. Normally I try to inspire all of you, now I am asking for inspiration from all of you. I appreciate you allowing me to vent. It helps a lot.

Blessings.

-Anastasia

#PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #help #encouragment #Selfharm