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I feel so defeated right now..
So, I started a new job last Monday. I was so excited to move on from a very stressful place that wasn’t helping me grow. But since I started it has been more different than I thought it would be. My new manger has been training me, but tbh she shouldn’t be training people.. the things I do know it seems like she’ll be with me then, but when I need help or to ask questions I tend to get ignored at first or she reacts like I’m bothering her or like I’m a total idiot for asking. For some reason she seems to think telling me or walking me through something once or twice is going to make it magically stick.
I thought it was getting better, that things were clicking but then Monday came and I am somehow the biggest failure ever again.. she wanted me to multitask more since there’s a lot of that at our desk, but I also don’t completely know how to do some things yet! It takes me longer or is harder to switch around because I don’t understand certain tasks in the first place. She asked me at one point why it was taking me longer today and I said I was getting confused by a few things and it slowed me down. I was doing well and keeping my “this is for work, not friendships” mindset while chugging along. But at the end of the day I asked if I should stay to call for reminders and she was like, “you haven’t called yet??” And I told her I didn’t get the chance to. I had a couple hours taken out because a new hire orientation I had to attend virtually as well as us just being super busy. She said no, it was time and I should go and that we can’t be taking all day to do one task.
First of all, how did you not know I didn’t call? I’ve been sitting next to you almost all day. And second, I’ve been here one week and have repeatedly said that we didn’t have to touch a lot of this at my old job. Im still learning! I multitasked differently there because it was a different environment and I knew what I was doing!
That last thing right as I was leaving broke something though. I had to rush to my car so I could bawl my eyes out.. I wasn’t able to actually drive home for about 20 minutes. I’ve also been feeling sick and ended up skipping eating lunch and sipping ginger ale instead. Got sick a bit after I got home too. Managed some oyster crackers and continued the ginger ale after though.
I feel so lost and defeated. I really do not want to go to work tomorrow because my confidence feels totally shot (what little I had). I miss my old job and coworkers even if I didn’t get paid enough and the newer insurance there sucked.
My poor bf too. I feel like I complain so much but I also don’t want to bottle things up and not tell him what’s going on, I also need to go back to therapy really bad. Maybe that would help. Does anyone have any advice or encouragement? Please?
Sorry for the novel.. idk where else to go with all of this rn. And this is just a fraction of it 🙃 #Newjob #Defeated #Anxiety #Depression #ADHD #Migraine #MentalHealth #Fibromyalgia #JointHypermobilitySyndrome #HypermobilitySyndrome #Pain
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