Loveyou

You know guys so many of you are so young and if I could express one thing to really grasp it would have to be . ...Be gentle with yourself when no one else is. Believe that YOU are extremely strong in the times you feel weak. I just turned 50 and it's bittersweet. 10 years ago I started a path to finding and becoming the person I was meant to be. I was diagnosed with ADHD and Internalized Anxiety Disorder. In the beginning there was a tad of Bi polar..which today is not the case . ADHD all the way. There are days when the "fear" takes ahold and for reasons I am still figuring out, yet it's my trying to process it all and there is a lot of Life that has me daily procrastinating. I'll go into details another time with that Allison saga.my point is my anxiety cause me to build these mounds of situations that become mountains. These mountains get to the point of needing attention and here ADHD comes and to process and prioritize becomes so exhausting that I give up. This is where it's important to really take into consideration. There are going to be many in life that will say they will be there. There will be times when those promises and those words of others built you up to the point of it being needed..so you think. YOU build upon YOU. It seems like I sound crazy and again you are so young but if you will start building upon positive self talk you will find an energy within you that pushes you thru some dark lonely times as you climb the ladder to 50. A little about me and why I say something so minute that is actually very powerful. In 2016 I had never thought life would become a sess pool of alone in the end. I was wrong. My cousin was taken away by murder suicide and as I tried to grieve my world became today what I can only describe walking thru times with strength that I had no idea I had. Six Months later a few days before Thanksgiving My grandmother passed away. Oh boy My Nanaw was my BFF. My go to thru thick and thin. My core to me. My Rock. The five months following to April 28, where again times I found strength and can only describe as..My mom saw her daughter take ahold of circumstances that she would leave this life knowing Allison as not just her daughter, as her Mighty Maybe a bit Messy but a Masterpiece. Lol. Oh my mom, God I love and I miss her so badly. Ok..so let me stick to my point cause I can veer off if not careful. Anyway those three deaths became another path afterwards that has me saying that it's important to have a support system, yes it is. BUT what's even more important is the building upon your self. It has taken me many many hours, days and now 5 years to look in the mirror and I mean not look at my wrinkles or my blimish..my eyes ...I look into my eyes and tell this messy beautiful masterpiece...I love you Allison. I LOVE YOU ALLISON. It's power within my core and I feel it. 50 years it has taken me with so much ahead I still have to clean up and out from those who never followed thru that said they loved and wanted the best for me..I was left with me. I wanted so many days to crawl in a hole. No Not Today!! WE are winners..I tell my daughter constantly while keeping the smile her tiny little eyes deserve, say it Lily..what are we...WINNERS!! I have lost a lot within a very short time outside of my three beautiful woman. I lost a daughter whom decided to make other choices, a brother whom decided to not stand firm and true with advice and his beliefs that took hits on the girls and I. All stemming from our mothers home being better suited for my girls and I. With my fear and anxiety I took his word the house would be a beautiful home after we are done remodeling. The house is still what I currently am surrounded within and my brother nowhere around while taking wishes of a mom with him out of state. To the ADHD it's a nightmare and the anxiety hates the ride. Last but not least the Knight and Shining Armor I held dear as a little girl...presently has not a thing to do with the over dramatic, messy and mentally unstable Allison. Yea guys I lost a lot..but my love for myself gave me the strength I had no idea was there. I believe that a support system is extremely beyond important. I believe therapy is a must for those whom don't have a positive support system. Along with vitamins and supplements, sleep sleep sleep and medication. With those musts and your love you gotta start looking in those eyes. Lol I know I don't understand and I don't get it and easy for you to say because the thoughts your a lost cause, bad apple and no one cares kinda days..I DO UNDERSTAND. I had a day like that yesterday that I quickly had to say while I cried in the bathroom mirror ….I LOVE YOU ALLISON. It is there guys and it's within you. Love you all ...now what are we ….WINNERS! Shine bright my Mighty Masterpieces!!

My silver lining of 2020 was realizing that the most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself, and there’s nothing more powerful than the power of self love. Loving yourself is everything you need to sustain a meaningful life. It is accepting yourself unconditionally no matter what, which frees you from the burden of needing acceptance from anyone else. Loving yourself is realizing that every compliment and every kind gesture from others is just an add on to what already exists. It allows you to become more loving towards others and makes you want everyone to shine because you know for a fact that it will never dim your light. The energy that comes with loving yourself is magical that will inspire others to glow as well. The strength that comes with it is fulfilling that will make you acknowledge your worth and value. Self love isn’t being selfish. It’s respecting yourself enough that makes you not settle for anything less than what you deserve. At the end self love attracts the love of others and shows you that you are lovable with all the imperfections you have. The truth goes with this saying “no one can love you the way you love you” and you owe it to yourself.

I love you Rana♥️

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I tell my friends that I love them every time I see them or talk on the phone with them. I live with aneurysms in my head and never know when I will die- I want them to know that I love them- so I tell them!