October

October is my favorite time of the year. It is also the worst time of the year. I look forward to sweater weather, colorful leaves and hot chocolate. I get excited for spooky Halloween adventures with friends and all of the fun traditions I have done in the past. However, depression always has other plans for me. I don’t know how but depression and anxiety blindside me every year despite them arriving at the same time like clockwork. It started out with that crisp, autumn air that smelled like possibility. Depression took that possibility and hope and crushed it with thoughts of me not doing enough and I was running out of time. I was in denial and just told myself it was just a rough day, nothing to worry about. It turns out, I should have been worried.
I have always believed that my depression wasn’t that bad. Sure I have rough days but everyone feels this way around this time of year. It is now the middle of October and I feel like I can’t escape this darkness. I feel like there isn’t any more hope. I am constantly asking myself questions such as “Will I ever be okay again? Is there any escape? Is this really worth it? Will I ever stop crying?” Right now I am lost and I feel so alone. I need to know that I’m not the only one going through this. I need to know that my feelings won’t be judged here. I need to know that maybe just maybe I’ll be okay.
#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #alone #lost #SeasonalDepression #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #help #darkplace #Crying #BadDay #October

𝒫𝒮𝒜:

𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝚘𝚛 𝚒𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕.

————————————————

𝚂𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚍, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚗’𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎.

𝙼𝚢 𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢, 𝚖𝚢 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍, 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚕, 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚒𝚛𝚌𝚞𝚖𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎, 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚊 𝚜𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚍.

𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚑 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 & 𝚖𝚢 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚜, 𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎, 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚒𝚝.

𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚍𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜, 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚞𝚜 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚏𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚕𝚢 (𝚏𝚒𝚎𝚛𝚌𝚎𝚕𝚢) 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞.

————————————————-
#October
#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth
#Therapist
#birthdaymonthbegins
#scorpioszn

I kept seeing the cartoon depiction of a child and a man with a ginger colored beard on IG and didn’t understand what it meant until I saw this video today.
What I noticed first about it is what my heart is full of and what I want to spread... LOVE! The second thing I noticed is there is no mention of this precious child having #DownSyndrome .❤️🙌🏼
The video shown here isn’t about a diagnosis or a title! To me, it represents what this child and #PrinceHarry have in their hearts and who they are!
I have struggled with the question to mention DS or not to mention DS when it comes to Savannah. So, sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t!
I don’t want to talk so much about Down Syndrome that I attract more attention to the diagnosis than Savannah herself!
Yes, I want to advocate for Savannah and those that are differently abled! I want to educate those that know nothing about DS (like I used to be). I also want to encourage others that have recently received a diagnosis while being to them the person I once needed.
The purpose of my blog posts and IG feed posts is to show the diverse family we have, real life stuff that is apart of our journey, and overcoming obstacles is possible! We just have a little something extra that is apart of our journey.
Even though DS is what #SavannahLanier has, it isn’t who she is and it’s not what our family is.
I pray our journey and our lives reflect the love of God and the beauty depicted in this video, whether DS is mentioned or not. #StrongerTogether #Love #Diversity #HumanRace #MoreAlikeThanDifferent #BeTheChange #TheLuckyFew #nothingdownaboutit #DownSyndromeAwarenessMonth #October #United #Momlife #Momblogger #ThisIsDownSyndrome #WeAreTheChange #WorldChangers #ComeTogether #LetsDoThis #Bekind #advocate #Acceptance #IWillShoutYourWorth

Every night before I sleep
I empty a pill box on my tongue
Containing twenty-something different capsules
supposedly containing ingredients to a better life
But for years I've been taking them
So I take a swig of water
As I feel my throat close and get dry
And I pat my chest a few times with my palm
Choking down on twenty-something lies
They say this secret recipe
Will make my demons my friends
Which doesn't sound so bad sometimes
It would be nice to have them
I turn off the light and lie in the dark
Trying to have a little hope
"Maybe this time it will work"
I lie to myself to cope
So I start what would be a prayer
If I believed in anything good
And I ask for a new heart
A heart that lets people in
A heart that's not misunderstood
I then inhale deeply
Even though it feels like I'm barely breathing
So I can't help but I continue my nightly ritual
Of the cruel inner dialogue
Ive spent 28 years believing
I close my eyes and take a journey
Thru a dreary battlefield in my mind
Shooting open fire against myself
It's the perfect lullaby I need to unwind
I force a yawn and feel my heart slow-down
As I wish innocently of a day
I will be the strong and brave person they think I am
And admit to someone I'm not OK
But just for tonight
I'll wrap my arms around myself
And chant out loud in a factual tone
"You are safe and you are sound" and
"You won't always be alone"
I then turn over on my side
Towards the center of the bed
Almost unaware I'm lying to myself
I say it over and over again
I then begin to drift away
Into a deep nothingness
Never getting away from the monsters in my mind that consume every inch of my being #October

For me: a fresh opportunity to take care of myself, FALL things and Halloween. I also want to plan a camping trip up north (I live in Southern California) to see some foliage. Also, I want to move a little more than I did last month. I spend too much timing sitting and staring at a screen.

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #ChronicIllness #October

I suffer from getting more depRessed or feeling Kind of impending hopelesness as Fall comes. I cant place my finger on it but eveyone around me is excited to see pumpkins and fall/holiday decorations, but I feel a dread with thoughts of cold, rain, short days, Lonliness comes with this too, and I have 4 kids and husband who count on me. Anyone feel this or can advise me? Thanks.