So, I just got home from yet another stay at the psych ward today, and as I looked at my discharge paperwork, I see this listed on my diagnoses: "Factitious disorder imposed on self, recurrent episode" and "factitious disorder imposed on another, recurrent episode," which is very confusing. I guess by "another" they must mean my mom, as she believes in me? I can't think of anyone else, as I don't really have anyone else, except my dad and my neighbor, who's my only friend.
Anyways, that pisses me off, especially as it's listed alongside real diagnoses (bipolar type schizoaffective disorder, autism spectrum disorder, borderline personality disorder, and bulimia nervosa). But I'm trying to just shrug it off.
My mom thinks she knows the psychiatrist who might've put those false diagnoses there. That particular psychiatrist basically asked my mom if I might be "faking it all".
How am I "faking it all"???? I literally see what I see, I hear what I hear, I think what I think, I've been through what I've been through, and I do what I do because I'm hurting on the inside at the time. And "faking it all"?? Just because ECT and most meds don't work for me or need to be changed doses?? How am I "faking it all" when my heart rate was literally 147 and my EKG was abnormal (the first abnormal EKG I've ever had in my life) showing sinus tachycardia just from a panic attack?
I only tell the truth when it comes to my mental and physical health. What's really confusing is the psychiatrist said to my mom that I still needed to stay in the psych ward at that time because I "still have mental illness". Okay, now how does that make any sense whatsoever? How can I "still have mental illness" yet be "faking it all"?
**TW** I guess what I've been through doesn't matter. The repeated emotional abuse I witnessed from my dad towards my mom and the time where he raised his fist and almost hit my mom in front of me as a child must be fake memories. My sexual assault must be a fake memory. All those times where I had to use my "coping skills" as a child when my dad would go off on my mom for no particular reason by saying all the curse words I knew with an A at the end while hiding behind the couch must be fake memories. But she, the psychiatrist, doesn't know any of this. She doesn't know in the past. My childhood friend repeatedly holding me down and beating me up for no particular reason (seriously, I did nothing to piss him off ever, I swear) while I cried. She didn't care enough to get to know me that deeply.
Yeah, all I can say is, this psychiatrist is the problem we have in the mental health system today. No one believes anyone until they end up dead I guess.
#SchizoaffectiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Autism #AspergersSyndrome #MentalHealth