Speakyourtruth

#mentalhealthmatters #breakthestigma #HopeInDarkness #youarenotalone #innerhealing #Speakyourtruth #FindYourLight #emotionalwellness #ItGetsBetter #healingjourney #depressionawareness #strengthinvulnerability #CourageToContinue #selflovejourney #SurvivorStories It’s scary knowing the moment of truth is just around the corner. I’m terrified—there’s too much to face. I’ve thought about death a lot and wondered if it would somehow set me free. But honestly, I don’t know if death is easy. I’ve tried to end my own life twice, and clearly, I failed both times.

The first time, I came home with what I thought was cold determination. I took a large overdose of antidepressants and tried to sleep. At first, nothing happened—I just lay there for hours. But then I started shivering uncontrollably. It wasn’t chills; maybe it was serotonin syndrome? I’d heard that could cause cardiac arrest. But instead of panicking, I forced myself to go back to sleep, hoping to never wake up. Of course, I did. And I was totally fine.

I’ve always been frail. My body’s been weak since birth. In anything physical, like sports, I always came in last. Even with such a fragile body, I somehow survived what should’ve been a deadly overdose. That shocked me.

Two days later, I decided to try a different way—slitting my wrists. I’d heard it would be painful, but I didn’t care. The need to escape was stronger than anything. So the next day, I picked up a knife and got ready to do it. But guess what? My body surprised me again. I was so weak, I couldn’t even press the knife hard enough to break my skin.

That’s when it hit me—maybe it just isn’t my time. Maybe God, or whatever higher power is out there, didn’t want me to die yet. Maybe my purpose in this world isn’t over.

To anyone else who’s been in this place, feeling like life is too much and wanting to escape: I know how hard it is. I know how much pain you’ve endured, probably more than most people could understand. But maybe—just maybe—we’re still here for a reason. Surviving doesn’t make us cowards. It takes strength to keep going, even when we’re exhausted by life.

If no one and nothing but some higher force is stopping you, maybe there’s something left for you to discover. Something waiting for you. I don’t know what it is yet—but perhaps that’s what we need to find out.

#52SmallThings

I finished one of the packages of disability papers it took me longer because of the dementia that my TBI has caused but I finished it . I also spoke up for myself and I am proud of myself even though it was hard and created tension between my husband and I it was worth it . We are in an unfortunate situation where my father in law has been diagnosed with Warnicky syndrome from all the years of drinking and not eating properly. He lost his memory and now had to be in a secured memory care facility. The problem is we can no longer afford it. And my husband and I are stuck with the responsibility of what we do next . My husband thinks he should move in with us . Did I mention we also have two daughters ages 3 and 7 . And that his father has said things about my daughters that have made me feel very uncomfortable not to mention I am a survivor of Sexual abuse . I don’t know what to do . I told my husband I don’t think I can mentally handle this .... It has been a year since my Suicide attempt last March and all of this happened last July so it has just been so hard to try and get better and take care of everyone else when I can’t remember if I have eaten or what I am supposed to do that day or what I was doing at the time .... how am I supposed to be responsible for another human who also is suffering with that but worse ? I need some advice and some help . We just don’t know what to do in our situation. My husband is the only one working because of my memory loss and the chronic pain I have to try and deal with since my drs took me off my pain medications which is why I attempted suicide in the first place the pain and loss of my memories are on many days unbearable . I am trying to do the best i can and be here on earth for my children but I don’t know if I can handle being responsible for another person.