Anxiety Attacks

I was involuntarily hospitalized last week... It was horrific. I'm currently unable to go into more detail because I'll dissociate and I habe trouble managing the anxiety attacks too.
I already suffer from CPTSD due to childhoof trauma. The symptoms since this incidents have peeked at a new level. My normal skills don't work as well as they did. I don't really know how to deal with a fresh trauma. I was able to see my therapist this week. But I was really scared to go see her but she wasn't even involved in all of this. I'm afraid of the police, hospitals and all mental health institutions in my area. So it's hard for me to get the help I need.

I am fighting but I am in a very bad place right now. And advice/tipps how to handle a fresh traumatic experience? And I wonder if there are other people out there who got retraumatized by the mental health system or if it's just me being vulnerable and overly sensitiv...?

Thank you all... #Trauma #Anxiety #AnxietyAttacks #TraumaRecovery #PTSD #CPTSD #PTSD #Depression #ChronicDepression #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #struggling #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts

It seems like the main reason my mental health is so dibilitating (idk if I spelled that right) is because the physical symptoms that happen because of it. Everything from the muscle tension that almost feels like a seizure, jaw tension especially where I can't swallow or chew or even spit out the food I'm eating. this usually happens when I've been fooled into thinking that I'm okay enough to go in and eat somewhere. A few weeks ago for example, I went to my favorite country buffet to eat. Everything was fine. Then bam. I was eating and my whole body tensed up. I couldn't swallow my food. I tried but my whole body reacted and it all came back up. I couldn't even spit it out. The food sat in my mouth for about 15 minutes or more until my boyfriend finished eating and we left. I spit the food out in the trash can in my truck. It's horrifying. I also feel like I can't breathe, and like my breath is trapped inside my stomach in some places. My body freezes up in this position where it looks like I'm about to jump up and take off running. My eyes get extremely wide and apparently I look petrified. My neck will feel especially weird. Like it's about to be bent backwards until it snaps off my shoulders. Sorry. Graphic I know. My arms and legs sometimes go numb. I'll be involuntarily jerking and moving around and moving things around on the table or whatever is near me I guess in an effort to distract myself from feeling like I am dying. My boyfriend says it looks like I'm checking my temperature. Because often times I am feeling how excessively cold or hot my face is because it's either or. My heart will be beating out of my chest. Sometimes it's hard for me to walk. Sometimes I can't hold my body up. It is extremely exhausting and my doctor called It chronic fatigue. Not necessarily the syndrome so I don't want to falsely diagnose myself. However I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder. It's labeled that I'm an alcoholic in remission even though I don't feel as if that's a true label. I did drink excessively for a good 6-7 years but it wasn't like I felt addicted. Eventually I realized that it was making my problems worse and I was actually a danger to myself and other people because I would black out and do reckless things. I am ashamed to admit that I was regurally drinking and driving. I am very blessed to have not hurt or killed myself or anyone else during those times. I would also black out and completely destroy my house. I would hurt myself. Stab myself with the broken pieces of plates and bowels. I would run away and get lost in local woods. I was fortunate to have people who cared about me to come find me down and help me get back home. I've jumped out of cars on the side of random roads before. I would be belligerent. Some mornings I would wake up and there would be my blood all over walls. Broken bottles and glass and everything else in between on the floor. There would be holes in the walls from where id punch them. I can't even really describe what lead me to that. When I would start drinking I would be fine but the more I would drink the more sensitive I became. I'm already a sensitive person. I guess I'd start thinking too hard about my childhood and the things I endured. I would think about the people I love and the things they had to endure. We didn't deserve that. I would just get so in my head and mad at the world that I would lose it. And the people around me who would try to calm me down would become targets and I would get angry with them. I wouldn't ever attack anyone though. Not for no reason anyways. I guess I realized how toxic that was. And how bad it was for me mentally and the people around me. Some of my friends and my boyfriend's friends who witnessed these episodes would laugh about it and act like it wasn't a big deal. It was a big deal though. That was almost like a cry for help in a way. It was toxic and dangerous. Not healthy at all. So eventually I just stopped it. I occasionally would/will drink something. But only wine. I have to be careful with that too because if I drink too much then I'll end up wanting to drink everything in sight and it always ends up bad. So for the most part I stay away from it. I got off topic there for a minute. Like I've previously said I'm just here to vent in an environment I don't feel judged. Everyone has a past. We're all human and this world is hard on everyone. Some harder than others but it's not a competition. Everyone deals with things different. Life is a journey and we're all just on our ways. All of this is a little bit everywhere and all over the place. But if you've taken the time to read it all. Thank you. #Agoraphobia #PanicDisorder #PanicAttacks #Anxiety #AnxietyAttacks #Depression #Alcohol #Alcoholism #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #muscletension

You're always calling out. Seems as if it's once a month.

You need to figure something out with your anxiety/attacks.

You have insurance, why not go to the doctor's & get help.

Maybe you need to smoke weed to calm your anxiety.

I wish you knew you're going to call out the night before. Makes it hard for us.

..... & ALL of that was said to my face today. Let's not forget yesterday when I called out due to a scary panic attack & my boss wanted me to come in an hr later from normal shift forgetting I live 30 mins away & the interstate is my main route to work AND me not knowing how I'm going to feel. Usually it takes my body all day sometimes the next day to finally feel human again.

When will ppl who don't live THIS lifestyle come to an understanding that we don't choose this life. We don't control our attacks. We have absolutely no control how our days/nights are going to be? This lifestyle has a mind of it's own with no effs given.

When will ppl stop assuming that all of us are on medication when half of us choose the natural way. Some of us prefer to NOT take medication. Some of us prefer to NOT smoke weed due to how one will react towards it.

It just frustrates me some days that I have to explain myself over & over to my bosses. My guess is they're choosing to NOT fully care about their employees & mental health because themselves are "perfect."

Anyone else have this frustration or is it just me?

#Anxiety #Depression #Migraines #Chatspace #CheckInWithMe #undiagnoised #MentalHealth #Insomnia #PanicAttacks #AnxietyAttacks #GAD #ToxicWorkEnviroment

For the last 2 weeks, I've been screaming out for health to the GP(general practitioner) health and to reduce the amount of medication am getting. So instead of two months supply id only gets one month and my constant bruises for no reason. Anyways I had been phoning the doctor surgery every day at 8 am trying to get an appointment to be told phone back tomorrow. So after 2 weeks I burst told the receptionist that if she didn't get a doctor to phone me back that I was going across the road and camping out in the practice until I speak to someone. Eventually managing to get myself fitted in after saying there were no available appointments 🙄.. One emotionally exhausted me I get oh your depression has hit a low point... Am like duh that's why am on the phone asking for help because of the racing thoughts the magical bruises and too much medication laying around my house because I can't remember if I've taken them or not and have double dosed a few times he's now put on record that is actively attempting suicide 😖 it's bad times when you can just phone the doctors to ask them for help with a few things like giving me fewer supplies each month and to check the dosage. But he did get me in to get a blood test and a few red flags later something not right and yet again can't get the doctors to phone me back to explain what's going on with me but have got myself another blood test scheduled in with the nurse. 😑

Everyday I get up and the first thing I see is this quote be strong today. It's my gentle reminder that no matter what happens I can do it, it will pass
#Manic #MoodDisorders #MedicalProfessionalssuck #screamingoutforhelp #Ignored #CPTSD #AnxietyAttacks #PanicAttacks