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What now?

I had finally got to the point where I thought my chronic pain was somewhat stable. Of course, life likes to throw a spanner in the works.

On Tuesday, my housemates wouldn’t take the bin out. It has to be taken down some stairs, and I had told them before I really shouldn’t be taking it down. Unfortunately, we got to late at night and nobody still has taken it out and the only person still up refused. So I took it out.

Bad decision. My body gave in right near the end, and the bin fell on top of me. At the time, the pain wasn’t too bad. But the next morning, I woke up and couldn’t move, not even to grab painkillers. And I’ve woken up every day since then with restrictions on my movement. It always gets better by the afternoon/ evening to the point where I can move pretty much normally (not without pain, but when you live w/ chronic pain you’re used to it) just with a bit of a limp.

And that stayed stable. Until tonight where I’m getting pain. It hurts to breathe, to bend down, to walk. But it’s not taking-painkillers-time pain (though I’ve taken some for my cold symptoms). It’s aching and slightly-painful pain. And I’m questioning- what’s the plan now? Because this was always something I was afraid of and I never planned for it.

The joys of living with chronic pain/ permanent injuries.

#ChronicPain #vertebrae #Injury #BackPain #Backinjury #chronicpainlife

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What CAN you do today?

Stuck in a 5 day flare. Thoracic Outlet Syndrome affects my entire left side and makes it hard to move. Yesterday, I could barely walk through the mall without stopping and leaning against a wall. It causes such unbearable pain, stiffness and fatigue.

They say get out of the house when you don’t feel well, it will make you feel better. Sometimes, it's better to rest and stay home. I’m still only able to walk small distances today.

Days like these are mental days. Where my hands and body don’t work well enough to do much at all.

Too much time spent in my head day. Watching what others can do.

Fighting back tears day, and trying to be strong.

Dreaming day. Dreaming of the day I can be more than this.

Angry day. Angry that I can’t do what I’m dreaming of.

These days I need people to distract me, but I’m so in my head it’s hard to pretend I’m ok.

Yesterday, I was able to look up and take this photo, even though I was stuck in the chair because I could no longer walk through the mall.

Today, I was able to make this post.

What CAN you do today?
#teetheredcord #ThoracicOutletSyndrome #ChronicIllnessEDS #EhlersDanlosSyndromes #MentalHealth #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigue #RareDisease #Fibromyalgia #Chronicpainsucks #chronicpainlife #chronicpainawareness #chronicpainartist #Hope #Dream #fibrowarrior #ehlersdanlostype3 #EhlersDanlosSyndrome

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Pain#fibromyalgie #Fibromyalgia #chronicpainlife

One day, just for one day, I would like to be pain free, be ange to take a long walk with my husband, walk my dog like before, go out with friends for a supper.


Punishment for being Happy

I've been struggling with my anxiety and body aches. I felt like I was finally getting into a routine and feeling better but now my body aches are making a comeback. I had a really great day yesterday and went out for a long bike ride without a bunch of panic getting in the way, but today it feels like my body is punishing me with these body aches. No one really gets it, like it's just sore muscles. It's not. I woke up feeling like a bus hit me square in the sternum and the panic is back.
I want to think I'm getting better but it feels like my body and my anxiety have something else in mind. I'm trying to keep in mind that I can't expect to handle a lot of high stress situations but why can't I just enjoy something for once? #Anxiety #mentaldiseasephysicalpain #chronicpainlife


Feeling a bit out of sorts

#MentalHealth #chronicpainlife #AutoimmuneDisease #Housing #MCAS

Over past 2-3 years I've been getting progressively worse. While describing my symptoms in a support group, a few members stated their thoughts of possible mast cell activated syndrome. I of course did a medical search on this, and every symptom I've been having were bullet pointed. I reached out to my doctor, very stressed, and emotional. I've brought up to my doctor possibly having a form of #Dysautonomia and now this. He responded with we'll tal about everything on my next appointment. I'm just exhausted from being unwell. I'm grateful he's been a good sounding board for me. But at the same time, not doing any further research or testing for my symptoms. Dealing with disability lawyers & judges, over 4 years now. Overcoming circumstances, rebuilding my life, losing support from family/friends, I'm in limbo right now. On top of all that, dealing with the shutdown effects. Not knowing if I'll get food stamps to eat, unemployment ending, not being able to keep a job past2 months due to health, feeling ashamed for not being productive in society. Being in limbo has really put me in distress. I'm grateful for my housing thru section 8. So at least I won't go homeless anytime soon. Today I just want to be heard, empathy.

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