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I need help.

Hello, everyone. I hope you all are doing good.
This is a long post but please read it if you can.
I've been inactive here for more than a year now. Due to my mental illness, I was not able to keep up with things. Personally, and Socially. I need some advice and if anyone could help, that woul be great.
I have completed my graduation and I'm about to complete B.Ed (Bachelor of Education), this is a degree that you need to have in order to go into the academic field. I want to become a professor. On fourth of July I'll complete my B.Ed and then I'll be eligible to teach in school upto class 8th as I have done only undergraduation and not postgraduation. After completing undergraduation and B.Ed, one is eligible to teach in schools upto class 8th in India, and if you have completed your postgraduation, then you're eligible to teach upto class 12th.
But the thing is I want to be a college teacher (a professor) and for that I have to do M.A. (postgraduation) and then clear NET (National Eligibility Test) and after that I'll be eligible to teach in colleges. But I have to give an entrance exam to study M.A. and I was not able to prepare for it at all due to my increasing mental health issues. And now I've my entrance exam some time in August, most probably. And I can't prepare all of it in such a short duration of time. If I'm not able to clear the entrance exam this time, I want to take a drop year and study for the entrance and then give it again. But my parents are not supporting this decision. They are saying that if I clear my entrance exam this time, then I can study from Delhi. Otherwise, I can study from Raipur, Chhattisgarh. I've done my undergraduation from University of Delhi, and now I want to do my postgraduation from JNU (Jawaharlal Nehru University). Both these universities are the top most universities of India and after having the experience of University of Delhi, I want to get an experience of JNU. I've set my level according to that. And studying from Raipur, Chhattisgarh (where I live currently) is not appealing to me at all. The level of education over here is not as good as Delhi not is the environment.
But my parents want me to get a job as well and their suggestion is that I apply for a job at a school and then do my M.A. simultaneously. But I don't want this. I want to do my M.A. properly, clear NET and then become a professor. My school teachers are also suggesting me to apply for a job at a school.
All this is very confusing. My aim was fixed but due to all this I'm having multiple doubts. This is increasing my mental health issues a lot. I have depression and anxiety disorder and my self-esteem is becoming low day by day. It's getting worse with time and with so much pressure and confusion. If anyone of you can suggest as to what I should do, then please suggest, it would be of great help.
Please tell me from the options below:
1.) I should take a drop year if I don't clear my entrance exam this time. And then give it again next year. (The entrance exam is for University of Delhi and JNU (Jawaharlal Nehru University)
2.) I should apply for a job at a school and then do my M.A. from Raipur, Chhattisgarh.
3.) I should do my M.A. from Raipur, Chhattisgarh. Then clear NET and then apply for a job at a college.
Or any other suggestion that you want to give apart from the ones mentioned above.
Please help me.

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #ClinicalDepression #Addiction #GettingHelp #MentalHealthAwareness #Selfharm #InsideTheMighty #ChronicDepression #ChronicAnxiety #ChronicIllness #CognitiveBehaviorTherapy #Therapy #Therapist #Psychiatrist #PTSD #Suicide #Depression #SuicidalThoughts

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John White

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Compliments are spontaneous words of praise or admiration, but for me they are much more complicated than that. I have lived my whole life with depression and anxiety. My self-esteem has never been strong. I often overthink someone’s words and intentions to the point where my anxiety is spun into a tight knot. I am either scared of a new perceived expectation or I dismiss someone’s words as unfounded. When I was a child I hated going to the dentist. Not because it hurt or because I was scared, but rather because I had never had a cavity and the dentist, after looking over my chart, always called me his “superstar.” I was terrified I would let him down and he would find out his praise was unfounded. If I wasn’t his superstar every time, I was a failure. Other types of compliments ring hollow. I once had a manager in a grocery store who was very upbeat and positive. He always said “great work!” numerous times throughout a shift. I never believed I was worthy of all that praise, definitely not that much in one shift. His words were baseless. He didn’t see me struggle with the apple display just moments before, so I dismissed his compliments. On the flip side though if he didn’t compliment me the same number of times on another day, I interpreted it to mean I had let him down. I know it does not make sense to think his words are not sincere, but then miss them when he remains quiet, but that is how my mind works. I am either unworthy or a disappointment. Therapy has helped me to identify this as distorted thinking. In the moment my self-esteem takes a hit, but later, when I have the time to consciously go through the facts, I can talk myself down. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) allows me to pick at the knot and put things into perspective so that I recognize that a compliment is often just a spontaneous comment, a nice thing to say. It is not a future expectation of performance or unfounded praise with some ulterior motive. It is just a kind word shared between two people. It’s not meant to define who I am or gauge my value. It’s just a smile that someone wants to share.

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