innerwork

My inner child has been getting the attention that she needs, and I’ll continue to do that. The issue at hand is my inner teenager, which was something that I wasn’t fully aware of until some months ago. Her needs are different from the child: the child wants an obscure teddy bear, but the teenager wants the sword to spearhead a rebellion and be the warrior instead of the princess. Both of which I can understand now because parts of me needs them as an adult as I’m finding my way. But as of recently, I can’t get passed this old crush that I had as a teenager on a guy who was a friend that I didn’t like to begin with. I realized that at the time I was looking for safety and something different that I was experiencing at home, and he exhibited that in my mind. The terrible part was that he was playing the field and was a “romantic” of some sort. He wrote poems, he had a lot of female friends, he often spoke of how much he wanted to get married ( while we were in high school). I, among some of my other friends at the time, had fallen into his tactics and it lead to a lot of pain and heartache. I have talked about this in therapy, I’ve grieved in some ways, and today I feel heavy and angry. He didn’t have any remorse about what he did at the time. And to make matters worse, I stayed connected to this guy because of the history we have along with the fear of losing him (my fear of being abandoned by him too). Today, we don’t speak and I am happy that we are no longer friends. He’s married now and I decided to block him on all platforms because I have no desire to talk to him. But as I’ve mentioned, I still feel this heaviness and anger about him and his disposition of treating the girls around him at the time. Has he changed? Who knows. I chalked it up to my need for male acknowledgment and a need to feel wanted in a way I never got from my father. Other than that, take away the words and the niceties, he wasn’t much worth looking at twice. It was more of an obsession than a first love. That I know for sure. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Grief #anger #innerwork #Friends #hurtfeelings

Not long ago, this became my mental memo as I started becoming more and more aware of this unhealthy and self-destructive habit.

No matter what path we are on, we often fall into this unkind, unloving and unrealistic comparison trap.

Maybe you just start a new career, start learning a new skill, forming a new habit, or you are on a #Healing and #Recovery journey like me.

Please remember, everything takes time and you are good enough wherever you are on the journey.

Be kind and loving to yourself.
Every little step counts.

It is those small steps we take every single day that take us to where we intend to go.

Healing journey is no exception.

You will have days where you feel like you are back to the starting point.

Please remember it is your mind tricking you as it feels more comfortable going back to something familiar.

In those days, take extra time caring for yourself.
Do things that truly lift you up in the long run, for example, spending time in nature or do some exercise.

And I get it.
In those days, making a healthy choice is 100 times more challenging.

Here's the trick I learned from a friend to help myself make a better decision especially during those darker days:

When I am aware of that my #Depression friend is around the corner or I am simply feeling more negative and down, I would ask myself, which choice is the one that I will never regret after I go for it?

Is it rolling out the yoga mat, doing some yoga or lying in bed letting myself dwell on the negative voices?

Is it taking a short walk somewhere I feel comfortable or sitting at the desk binging eating sugary things?

Choose the one that won’t lead you to more negative emotions.

It is those little moments where we are strengthening the healthier & less traveled neural pathways, exercising our mental muscle again and again and training ourselves to face the next challenge with stronger mental strength.

Please remember, do not compare your chapter 1 to someone’s chapter 100.
It is okay to feel down.
It is okay to feel depressed.
There is nothing wrong with you.

It is totally okay to experience those challenging #feelings and #emotions.

Taking time to take care of your #MentalHealth is as crucial as anything else.

#Self-care is your daily non-negotaible.

One step at a time.
You are stronger than you think.
.
.
.
#SelfLove #Healing #MentalHealth #Wellbeing #Awareness #innerwork #selfcare #feeltoheal #Empowerment #growthmindset #Trauma #PTSD #Anxiety #vulnerability #youareenough #authenticity #EndTheStigma #Storytelling #selfhelp #powerfulwords #loveyourself #compassion #positivemindset

Live in the now!
#52SmallThings