When is it ok to give up?
I feel like this #Cancer is taking everything away from me, what little I had left. Prior to diagnosis in April, I had to quit my job for health reasons and filed for disability (medically approved now but for the cancer but still no final word from them). I was struggling with #CPTSD , #MajorDepressiveDisorder , #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder , #Fibromyalgia , #PsoriaticArthritis , #Asthma , #sjogrens , #SevereAllergies , #Bursitis , #PolycysticOvarySyndrome , #DiabetesType2 and a bunch of other complications from all of these things plus a few more diagnosed illnesses. All whilst trying to get a divorce (still trying to get it).
So in April I go to the ER thinking Covid. Nope. Lungs both full of fluid from #CongestiveHeartFailure . Apparently I had a heart attack and didn’t notice as I was told a lot of chronic pain patients don’t because we’re used to random severe pain. Also they found a grapefruit sized tumor on my liver, stage 4 #BileDuctCancer in my #liver and it had spread to some lymph nodes on my abdomen. I have no medical insurance.
So now here we are in July and I’ve been in chemo since May. I’ve had a few minor surgeries/procedures and I have to have my port removed/replaced which is why I’ve been in pain there since May.
Now it turns out on top of mouth problems, fatigue, low white blood cells as side effect to my #Chemotherapy , I have been diagnosed with #ChemotherapyinducedPeripheralNeuropathy which has been the most painful experience of my life. They said it was a severe case.
They also think either a #cateract or #Glaucoma in my left eye which is why my eye hurts and I can barely see. Either could leave me blind. I’m an artist by trade, I’ve won awards for my cakes and every one of my hobbies is art/craft/visual. Now I can’t tolerate any amount of light without it being painful and I can’t do anything with my hands without being in major pain from the neuropathy. I can’t enjoy anything or do anything for myself, already fell down the stairs last week because of my vision/neuropathy combo.
Also, I’ve had to get 2 Neupogen (helps bone marrow make white blood cells) shots this weekend and like every other week. The bone pain makes my body shake uncontrollably and nothing will help it.
All this has led to me being a walking pharmaceutical cocktail and the side effects are brutal. I picked up a new med today, tonight my little medicine bag overflowed and I broke down. I just turned 40 in May. I have more meds than years on this earth. I have a terminal illness that makes me ineligible for the heart transplant that I need but im technically not dying according to my oncologist.
So at what point is it ok to say I’ve done enough, I’m tired and I give up, I want out? Daily living is torture and there’s no joy.
Thank you if you made it this far!
When Captors Masquerade as Allies
Liver and a Fighter, my MPH Graduation
Angiomyolipomas in kidney and simple liver cysts.
I have had a number of seemingly unrelated symptoms but more recently a number of them got worse. I had an ultrasound and ct scan which showed a simple liver cyst (does not say what size), diverticula (not inflamed) and angiomyolipomas on left kidney (1.1 cm). My doctor says no way pain from liver or kidney blames everything on digestion. Does anyone here have ever had any experience of pain from a simple liver cyst? This seems to flare up for few days then eases off. I usually get nausea and bloating with this. Lying on my right side recently seemed to trigger it off for 2 days. It also flares up temporarily when I exercise (running or long cycles). It is located in top right abdomen under ribs and flares up to shoulder and even back sometimes. Got all clear from gall bladder.
I also get some pain in my left side/back (kidney?) that comes and goes but this is currently not bad. Along with periods of proteinuria and 'moderate kidney disease' (creatinine high, low egfr). Tired of being ignored by doctor who blames everything on stress.
Need help my liver function test numbers were slightly high I’m scared bc I take gabapentin and seroquel my drs office has me worried about liver
Failure and dying my numbers were 36 and 37 chart online says normal range is to40 my dr office says their charts only go up to 32 and 33 for liver function level scared who can help me? Also my sugar was 101 and had just eaten lunch also sodium was5 points high #LiverFunction #liver #BipolarDisorder #HashimotosThyroiditis #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Bipolar2Disorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #Diabetes
Does Anybody Have Portal Vein Thrombosis
When I was 5 yr old my whole family got pneumonia and got chest x-rays, including me. They discovered then that I had an enlarged spleen. Then came the tests. Countless tests and countless dr visits. Eventually I ended up at #HersheyMedicalCenter where they explained I have #portalveinthrombosis with #portalhypertension . It meant that my #portalvein that connects the #spleen to the #liver was blocked somehow, and so the blood had to find a different way to the #liver and back to the #heart so it backed up into the #spleen enlarging it before finding a completely new route. My #circulatorysystem is completely different from everyone else’s and since the #portalvein is blocked, it is causing pressure on places it shouldn’t be and also causing over time #liverdamage . Hence the #portalhypertension . I don’t really have high blood pressure, except in certain parts of my body. I’ve had all sorts of #tests done over the years, have seen a #specialist in #Nyc . It’s just like someone extra inside my body, causing this. Many people have different variations of it, usually due to #Cirrhosis but I’ve never found someone exactly like me. It would be nice to. #