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Hi, my name is Kathy.
I have #CPTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ChronicDepression #Fibromyalgia #Arthritis am a #Csa survivor & #MORE 😑
I have tried EMDR but it hasn’t worked/helped me at all! Also Narrative Exposure therapy which was started by 2 different psychologists but never finished because 1 left the company & the other left for pregnancy 😟. I am 58 & have been seeing psychiatrist, psychologist, & had counseling starting at the age of 17 but my traumatic experiences started mostly at age 4. I was raised by a narcissistic “mother” & sexually abused by my brother.
My life is just existing now. I have lost faith in finding anyone who is actually able to help me & I feel so alone. I’m beginning to feel as I am losing my Hope which is the last thing that holds me together. I feel like I’m wasting space on this earth that should be used by someone who really needs it more than I. I’ve been fighting, struggling, & holding on for just about my whole life & I am very tired. I am very isolated & live in a country where I am not happy or “at home” since I arrived here in 1994. I also am hearing impaired which has made learning a new language & trying to fit in very difficult.
I am very lucky too have a daughter who loves me completely as well as 2 cats.
I am hoping to connect with some people & possibly be understood & maybe even learn about some other types of therapy for my type of issues.
♥️

Another thing.

Iwas raped a lot in my childhood.

I hate pedophiles.

Someone I love is a pedophile.

I don't do double standards.

#ChildhoodSexualAbuse .
#CPTSD
#AAAAAHHHH !!!
#MentalHealth
#EMDRnightmare
#BipolarDisorder
#AtrialFibrillationAndStroke
#ChronicPain
#HeartAttack
#Andso -on
#TerribleGuilt
#SuicidalIdeation
#MORE
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I just hate it when the brain takes over again,messing up my so carefully! Of Finally being the one in charge of the Anxiety ,depression,pain,and-all that accompanies them! So,really? Again?! I need a stamp saying,Remember yesterday? Ditto today!" Or,just plain "Ditto"! On my forehead. In Brown ink. (No need to explain the ink color.)Or,"Rats!Foiled Again." Same Brown ink. #Anxiety ,##Depression ,#Pain of all kinds,#PTSD ,#Insomnia ,#frustration ,#MORE Meds,#MORE diagnoses,#Resignation ,#right -Up-There-In-My-Face

I don't know which is worse: being up All nite without sleep completely,OR going to sleep early, then waking up a couple hours later and not able to go back to sleep AT ALL!!?? The second one is like a Tease: gives you a taste of sleep,which is great! BUT that's ALL you get!! No more sleep,period!
Then,the Up All Nite with NO Sleep whatsoever !! And then Up All Day with No naps! And the Big Question is,Will I Sleep Tonite?? Which tortures you ALL Day!!. What will you do as bedtime approaches? Which would you prefer?? The Tease or the Guarantee?? Or,do you want to be surprised?? Which do you want???!!

#Insomnia ,#Bipolar 2, #Anxiety ,#RA & OSTEOARTHRITIS,#Fibromyalgia ,#chronic Pain,#spinal discs & nerve involvement,#Torn Hip Lable anchor,#Neuropathy ,#PTSD ,#Depression ,#chronic Eye disorder,mainly Double Vision,#Increasing number of Falls,#Quad Cane for mobility assist,#MORE Anger,#Stressincrease ,#coloring to help Decrease Stress at home,#photosensitivity ++ Rashes,#chronic Itching,#chronic Frustration,#Too Many Meds that I Need All of Them,#Peppermint Ice Cream as go-to Comfort Food when Pizza not available,#My Own Music Therapy,#a Christian & Believer in Prayer,#Wordiness - not know when to Shut Up!!!#a Highly Sensitive Person,#a TV time Rationer on purpose to keep stress & anxiety at lower amount,#Art Lover- just not talented to produce Art myself,# The End.

The Eiffle Tower in Paris, France was built to be a temporary structure for the 1889 World's Fair. Most Parisians felt that the Eiffle Tower was a ugly eyesore. The Tower was only saved from demolition when it was suggested that the tower would be excellent for the transmission of radio signals. The radio transmissions sent and received could travel unimaginable distances free from interference of trees, hills and even small mountains.

When I was younger, I never had migraines but about 18 months ago they started. I’ve had two mri’s and my brain shows that “yes, I get bad migraines.” I feel guilty if I have to miss work. I feel guilty telling my boyfriend I have another one. I’m on day 14 of one right now with about a 6 hour reprieve on Friday. My kids worry and I worry. I’m scared, too. I know the mri’s show nothing else but how can one’s brain hurt so much...along with all the other symptoms...

I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for years, t I’ve read about Bipolar 2 and I think I may have that instead. I’ve always felt like there were other “normal people” and then me, like I never got a manual to life other people did. I feel like it’s more than depression and anxiety, and just getting that diagnosis would make me feel better knowing I’m not crazy, and it really is something. #Bipolar2 #Anxiety #Depresion #MORE

I will take a thirty minute walk each day, making an effort to be present in the moment.