numbness

I almost ended my life about a half hour ago. But I failed because I was too exhausted. I’m coming back around now, but I still somewhat wish I wasn’t alive. Nobody knows about this, and I’m not going to tell anyone, because if nobody has ever cared enough to ask if I’m ok, they must not care enough to help me. People with mental health struggles just try to tell me they’ve felt the same way I have, or just brush it off because they’ve normalized pain, and people with relatively good lives just freak out and want to stay away from me. "How are you" is usually an empty question, even from my friends. I’m more than done with pain, and done feeling nothing. My suffering may come to an end eventually, but it’ll be far too late by then…

I feel like I'm a tired shell who knows and recognizes what is around but has no wires attaching it to the surrounding.

I'm numb.

I interact with other people, but I feel like I'm not in my body. It doesn't mean I'm somewhere else. I just am not?
I'm not sure how to describe it, but I'm sure I'm very tired.

Does it happen to you to feel detached?
Or more detached when tired?

It happens very often to me but it seems that being tired stresses me too much.

#numbness #Identity #BPD #Dissociation #Depersonalization

hi,I wanna share my thoughts with you guys, so for awhile now all I feel is numbness, i don't feel alive, i just existe, everyday I wake up i try to feel something even if it's bad, listening to music, reading books,watching movies,work,study...

everything is useless, all i feel is a big hole inside my chest and heart swallow me into darkness, I don't wanna give up to my dark thoughts and do things i'll regret so I write everything but even writing is useless to me NOW.

#Depression #numbness #Selfharm

When numbness makes an entrance and engulfs me, I have no motivation. I do not care about anything.
Self-harm urges creeps up on me. I do not cut anymore, but I still have those urges. There are other ways to accomplish self-harm, not just cutting and scratching and burning.
I sometimes don’t eat. When I’m hungry, I don’t feed myself. Or, I do, but not enough.
I wish my battle with self-harm would just go away.
It will take continued progress, I know. I’m trying not to feed my demons what they want.
#self -harm #Depression #numbness

You ever feel like you’re always there for others when they need the help, but when you need the help, no ones there? I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve felt like that more times than I can count.
It’s okay to feel this way. I know, it’s hard to validate yourself and watcher your feeling. I feel like no one is there for me, but I also know that’s my thoughts, that it’s okay to not be okay.
I want to disappear and I don’t want company, yet I feel so lonely.
I don’t wish this on my worst enemy. It can be hard to overcome.
What I do is during these times is I talk to myself like I’m giving an inspiring speech to a group of mentally ill people.
What you’re going through is not the end. It will get better. You are not your mind, etc.
Hopefully I can reach just ONE person with this. If I do, then mission accomplished.
#Depression #numbness #NegativeThoughts

I am screaming
No one hears
My silent cries

I am hurting
No one sees
Through my mask

I am smiling
Though I'm devastated
Eaten up from the inside

I am numb
Can't feel anything
They say "keep smiling"

But I can't
I refuse to smile
I refuse to feel
Cause I can't

I'm not screaming anymore
I'm not hurting anymore
There is nothing but emptiness
Numb blankness now

But in my dreams
My silent cries
Echo in my head
Dragging me down

To a silent hell

#MightyPoets #Depression #IntrusiveThoughts #Poetry #numbness