apathy

After struggling with cPTSD, chronic pain, depression and anxiety for decades I developed a serious apathy problem, which is why I created this group.

I wanted to let you know that I have just reinvented my whole life to force myself to completely overhaul all of my dysfunctional patterns. The impetus for the change was being run off the road by an idiot aggressive driver who had no regard for my life. My car was totaled after I rolled it, but I walked away with no broken bones or signs of brain injury. There are just two big hematomas on my head that are still being absorbed exactly one month later.

This gave me much to think about. I lost my job because it required having a car and I had no replacement opportunity. So I moved to a spectacularly beautiful mountainous area four hours away from anyone I know. I did it to accept an invitation from a new friend who is trying to build something sustainable on her property but needs help.

A change of this magnitude is honestly what I needed, but is probably more than most people can manage. It has invigorated me though, so reach for some change for yourself. You need to be invigorated or you would not have joined this group.

Look at the graphic I used for this post and think about “radical” changes you can implement in your own life. Pick something—ANYTHING that inspires you—and work your way through those attitude steps. Do something different today. Make whatever sized accomplishment is appropriate for your life. Go for it.

Sign up for a class,
Go outside for a short walk,
Start a journal,
Plan a trip,
Call someone who can help you,
Start a project,
Make some art,
Whatever you need to do to invigorate yourself a bit. You need it! You deserve it!

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicIllness #Depression #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #ChronicPain #apathy #MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder

I find 2024 to be a wild and sometimes uncomfortable ride and had a recent several-month bout of anxiety that seriously muted my sense of humor, I fear. Humor has always been one of my favorite coping strategies. But it is no longer one of the first things I reach for, and that makes me sad.

But today something wonderful happened. As I sat inside trying to relax after an unusually emotionally draining day, I could hear two men working outside. They were amusing themselves with an absurd conversation about how difficult it is to find gloves in the “extra medium” size they need. 🤣

I shared this with my son, who immediately launched a complaint that he actually wears an “extra-extra-medium-XXM” glove and they are even more difficult to find. We giggled with glee because we are silly that way.

But it hit me hard how surprising it was for me to hear strangers being silly together. (We need third spaces to renormalize, post-pandemic.)

And we should all try to be more playful. It’s good for our mental health. ☀️🌻🙏

#apathy #Anxiety #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #MentalHealth #ChronicFatigue #ChronicIllness #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #Fibromyalgia

I recently learned about attachment styles and understand myself so much better now. Knowing how my childhood experience created reactive patterns to interactions with others as an adult has helped me see that I have “frozen needs” that are NOT MY FAULT.

How validating! No longer simply blaming myself or feeling inadequate or hopelessly stuck has enabled me to recognize opportunities to grow and retrain my brain to bypass so much dysfunction in my life. Once I saw the pattern I could learn to reach for a much better relationship with myself and others. I hope learning your attachment style helps free you too.

#apathy #Anxiety #MentalHealth #Depression #ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SocialAnxiety #Fibromyalgia #Trauma #Suicide #AnxiousAttachmentStyle #AmbivalentAttachmentStyle #AvoidantAttachmentStyle #attachmentstyle #MajorDepressiveDisorder #IfYouFeelHopeless #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #SuicidalThoughts

Stop thinking about whether or not you measure up to anyone else’s standards. Why would you do that to yourself? Be the best YOU that you can be. #apathy #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder

I just invented eating ice cream with a fork. Different. Mildly interesting. Completely unnecessary except that I enjoyed having an original idea and getting curious about it; also liked feeling experimental and playful. I am not afraid to be silly. Hear me moo!

Always reaching for more endorphins through play, humor, color, whimsy, art or music is one of my favorite strategies to ease my chronic pain. You’d think my arms would be longer. It was ridiculous to eat ice cream with a fork, like something a child would do. And yet it felt defiant in a satisfying and healthy way, too. I take my mental health very seriously.

Do yourself a favor and be more playful. Generously sample joy wherever you find it. It’s good for your health. Human adults tend to take themselves way too seriously, don’t you think? 🥳

#apathy #Anxiety #Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MentalHealth #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Fibromyalgia #SleepApnea #CheerMeOn #ChronicFatigue #Addiction #ChronicFatigueSyndrome

So, peeps, I (58f) am approaching my first anniversary of finding out that I have Complex PTSD from layers and layers of a lifetime of trauma that contributed to my thinking I have a problem with apathy. It turns out that I have just been hiding in My Nest playing mindless games on my iPad because my subconscious came to the conclusion that the world is not a safe place for me and my sensitivities. That is what trauma will do to a person. And my subconscious is not wrong. But what should I do about it, give up?

Never. My therapist told me to experiment with feeling angry this week. I have had a lifetime of not allowing myself to feel angry because my traumas, the continuous evidence that my family did not value me, had me believing that I did not deserve to feel angry. My expression of anxiety has been hypo-arousal most of my life. I just shut down and avoid. That certainly LOOKS like apathy.

I was telling my therapist that my trauma recovery is taking too long. I want to feel whole and jump out of bed in the morning energized and psyched for my day. EMDR therapy has freed me from almost all of my triggers. I can now experience my trauma memories without freaking out or crashing, but there is a lot of lingering sadness and disappointment about what I experienced. And part of me just feels empty much of the time. Maybe I don’t remember how not to dissociate as a coping strategy. My therapist said something amazing. “It’s not your fault. None of it. Your struggles are real because of all of the trauma you experienced, all of the pain and fear. You never really expressed the anger you deserve to feel about your emotionally neglected childhood, your church trauma, your medical trauma, your employment trauma, your relationship trauma and all of the times you were treated unfairly. Maybe what you seek is on the other side of all of that anger.”

I think she is right! I am going to drive somewhere remote today and yell my head off and stomp my feet. It sounds silly, but I am going to try to express my anger to start the work to get past it. I have the rest of my life to live! Never give up on yourself. Find you and be fully you, whatever it takes. Find your peace. You deserve it. 🌟☀️🌻💛

#apathy #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Fibromyalgia #Depression #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #EatingDisorders #Selfcare

This resonated with me hard. I do not seem to have any control over whether or not I am having a “sad little potato” day. It happens at least half of the time and I am entirely weary of it, even though I do at least know well enough to be kind to myself when it happens. It’s exhausting.

When so many of your days are “sad little potato” days you often see yourself unable to follow through with plans you have made. That can be depressing. My best strategy for this is to try my hardest to focus on healthy and uplifting self-care on these days. Then they are not really wasted. Even sad little potatoes deserve to be treated well. Treat yourself well.

My inner sad little potato wants good things for your inner sad little potato. Virtual hugs freely offered, if welcome. 🥔 😃🌻☀️💛

#apathy #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

I had been doing so much better with my energy and interest in pushing myself forward, but from Friday to now (Tuesday) I have been dragging horribly.

The previous week was unusually stressful even for my stressful life, as I announced to my husband’s family that I can no longer be his caregiver and need help finding him a care home. That’s technically “good” stress, I think, but it was still hard. Then my younger daughter-in-law visited for five days with her beau and that wiped me out even though they are both sweet people.

When your life is full of a situation that makes you anxious plus you have chronic illness, chronic pain, and are undergoing intense therapy for cPTSD, it is difficult to not be on an emotional roller coaster.

I don’t think I will have any real relief from what holds me down until I am no longer a 24/7 caregiver to someone who has no short-term memory, no ability to steer his brain and dementia. I have become so super-sensitized to his every little sound and cannot help but react. It isn’t much wonder that I want to hide in bed and lose my mind in games on my phone.

I “comprehend” why I need to hide in self-defense of my health, but cannot fix it until I can get my husband a new diagnosis to qualify for entry in a care home we have not yet found. That all takes time and energy that is hard for me to manage.

Please share your reaction to this quote and tell us how it relates to your situation.

#apathy #Depression #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #PTSD #PanicDisorder #Fibromyalgia #Selfcare #Caregiving #Dementia #ShorttermMemory

So I reported recently that I have made great progress combating my apathy and depression by getting off meds known to have a side effect of apathy, and by finding out my brain was oxygen-starved from undiagnosed sleep apnea. But I still have fibromyalgia, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), cPTSD, and I am still overspending myself as a 24/7 caregiver to my husband… so I still have daily struggles. I know that if I am not very careful, I could lose my progress and return to an unhealthy state where I am “frozen” hiding in my Nest all the time again.

Here are some things I have been doing to keep myself from slipping back into depression and inactivity.

- 30-minutes of sun lamp therapy within the first hour after waking (makes a huge difference for me regarding how alert I am and how energetic I feel)

- Taking a shower no less than every other day early in the day—even when I don’t want to (This is HUGE for me and I use it to mindfully transition from sleepy to awake by focusing on how wonderful the warm water feels on different parts of me.)

- Eating protein, fruits and vegetables for breakfast BEFORE having coffee, dairy, sugar or grains (I hard-boil eggs 18 at a time so they are easy to grab in the morning, and I put them in a bowl with 2 tablespoons of basil/kale/cashew pesto from Trader Joe’s, with a small handful of raw almonds and a piece of fruit on the side. If I feel hungry later before lunch I have a small bowl of healthy grains, like meulsi. This helps a lot to provide energy

- Never skipping morning meds and trying to take meds at the same times every day to better regulate my body/brain chemistry.

- Less screen time and more looking out of the windows. I have my face in a screen a LOT as a way to escape, so I really need to ask myself what else I could be doing when I am tempted to scroll on my phone. So I look around the room to find one small task to do instead, like straightening or dusting—something that will help me move forward toward a happier, healthier life. On days this is especially difficult, I make deals with myself that I can justify some screen time after I accomplish a task.

There are lots more of these small habits that end up having a powerful positive impact on me over time. I have them on a note on my phone so I don’t forget any. Please share some of your strategies too.

#apathy #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Depression #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Fibromyalgia #ChronicFatigue #SleepApnea #PTSD #BrainFog