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I’m NOT new. I actually founded this group😉 I have been dealing w/ layers & layers of health challenges. Thoughts, prayers & good vibes appreciated!

It is so exciting to see all the new members joining the group and so many of you introducing yourself and sharing about your journeys. I wish I could be more active & better support you all right now, however I have had to really step back & focus on self care. Big props and thanks to our new co-leader Wendy Love for jumping in to acknowledge and support you all with empathy, care and sharing her great positive energy!

Dealing with layers of health challenges right now can be overwhelming for me sometimes. Some are relatively serious, some have me scared while waiting w/ lots of “not knowing!” I have had very regular health appointments (4-6/wk avg) since November, 1 minor surgery, am getting a biopsy this week, have had 2 ultrasounds, and MRI’s of my neck, shoulder & back which were injured from a bad fall when I also had my second concussion in less than a year . So I’ve been in PT 2x/week since last year then two months ago I was diagnosed w/ a rotator cuff injury🙁

I had debilitating migraines back in 2020 from Long Covid that were finally getting better from working w/ my Neurologist… trying monthly shots, infusions & Botox, finding the right meds - one daily & two as needed at onset, using a special tens unit, and an ice cap, taking OTC painkillers, nutritional supplements, etc. Then after the 1st concussion I went right back to 14-16 migraine days a month🙁

Due to my lack of appetite & insomnia from the concussions, plus the migraines, my doctors made major med changes for 8 months. The challenge was that most were psych meds, leaving me just hanging on emotionally through severe ups & downs as I stopped 2 meds, added 1 & changed the dosages of 3 others! After all of this I have just recently had the migraines decrease in frequency and intensity👍

From the concussions I have also dealt w/ brain fog, and memory & concentration issues that made writing so frustrating, which have also been better recently.

I think it really helps me that from a young age I watched my Dad model how to deal with life threatening health challenges w/ determination, dignity, unwavering positive energy, humor, and being a warrior & survivor who never gave up hope! Then I learned how to survive through decades of health challenges myself… inspired by my Dad’s example. I was diagnosed w/ Bipolar Disorder (1982); I have struggled parts of my life with addiction (almost 12 years sober); along those paths I contracted HIV almost 40 years ago then I was very blessed to survive the 80’s when AIDS was considered a death sentence. With my weakened immune system I dealt w/ many serious complications like Pneumonia, Shingles, Bronchitis, C-difficile, and Neuropathy that had me bedridden for 9 months & told I may never walk again…which I still deal w/ today on a lesser level and in 2020 I got hit with Covid real bad, so I've survived two pandemics.

Earlier this year my perspective about everything I’m dealing with currently really shifted. I came to the realization that all my health appointments were helping me heal, cope, and I believe that they will help me to return to being active and thriving again. The blessing of being on disability is that it enables me to focus on my health and self care. I have accepted that taking care of my health is a full time job! It can be very Physically & Emotionally draining, yet I remind myself regularly of all the blessings I DO have. I take solace in the fact that it could always be worse. I am very thankful to have a roof over my head, food on the table, and to have a strong support network of friends, family & health providers.

I have learned to accept my limitations, and adapt as I live & evolve in other ways like focusing on writing my memoir & other reflections, starting this MHC group and posting regularly. In the first 18 months I made over 80 posts from June 2021 through 2022! I will repost select ones starting soon.

Sending blessings, virtual hugs and positive vibes your way! Please send some back…

Moshe
@moshe222mhc

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Selfcare Selflove #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #ADHD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #HIVAIDS #PeripheralNeuropathy #BackPain #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #RareDisease #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #CheckInWithMe #InsideTheMighty #MightyTogether #DistractMe

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Prepare for your end

Hello. My health is not good and I have a ton of diagnoses from OA, Fibromyalgia, lung, kidney, liver, and autoimmune diseases and foot injury caused gait issues and I am almost permanently wheelchair bound. But this ain’t really about me in that way.
Recently my dad who has been fighting cancer for years successfully was thrown into this vicious cycle of fighting for his life that was avoidable but for one doctor and his money?
Dad had kidney problems along with the prostate cancer that required a ureteral stent that is to be removed and replaced as directed. So mom and dad go to their appointment to schedule the next replacement. They were told the doctor no longer accepted their insurance!! No reference or guidance just sorry bye! My mom struggled to find another urologist with no success. Dad was taken by ambulance within a week and it was bad. He was physically and mentally just gone. He went into a fib ,they stabilized him and began the antibiotics which helped but he needed nursing care and PT. He got back home and finally got a urologist who just put him on more antibiotics and delayed stent removal on more than one occasion. He ended up back in the hospital then another nursing home,assisted living for six days , back to hospital with another UTI sand C-diff from antibiotics. I’ve lost track but it’s been four to five months and he is miserable and in pain but they are more concerned with $$$. The scumbags I have seen throughout this is astounding. They act like they are all noble caring people but they are opportunists preying on vulnerable elderly to get their life’s savings. My older brother who is the golden child military man came down after the second nursing home and was totally sold on this beautiful riverfront assisted living facility. I asked if dad met the criteria and if they were capable of caring for him with all his issues. “Absolutely!” The placement lady told us she met him for 15 mins and although confused he was able to talk with her and was fine and “a perfect fit”.
His second day my twin was visiting and saw dad was in significant pain. He told nurse over and over. They said they’d watch him. Six days in they drove him to his oncologist appointment where mom and I met him. They all acted like this was routine. My dad looked horrible and was in pain. The oncologist didn’t even get it. I demanded he be brought immediately to the ER across the street. The doctor noted in his record that the family insisted patient be taken to hospital.
It’s a good thing I did that because he had another UTI and C-diff AGAIN! Assisted living place would have watched him die. They sucked and tried to get every penny trying to tell us his furniture was still in the room 3 weeks after we had him out in exactly a week. They drive him to his appointment and the hospital? Duh! We had to get a note stating he couldn’t return there? Unbelievable. Those who insisted he was a perfect fit were now silent. One said “ they shouldn’t have let him leave the nursing home “. Amazing how twisted people get when it’s about that money. Hypocrisy. One said she was a CNA at age 13 and has been doing this like she had a clue at 13?? Name me an agency that will certify a 13 year old??? In America!! Yeah? Maybe a bit of overselling. So not needed. Just be honest and don’t make ridiculous claims like that. I’m thinking why didn’t she become a nurse or something like a technician like me. Not at 13. Anyway we now have attorneys and my dad did a lot of preparation like his DNR and advanced directives,his will and all funeral and cremation stuff. He smart and worked hard as a schoolteacher for 35 years. But they are ruthless and will take his money with no hesitation. My dad deserves to be given all the benefits available and not have his wife and family be financially in need. He told me take care of your mother. So I am I got her the best elder care Medicaid attorney in this area. I don’t have much and never married or had kids so I’m good but I won’t be stuck in one of those places. I’ll have a plan. Maybe move to Oregon? We treat our pets better than we do our own which makes no sense. My dad has been through so much. Can’t walk or control bowels or urinating. Wearing a diaper and sharp but goes into just senseless rants or stories. He has hallucinated and had profound dreams or mental experiences to him Now he has another UTI and is on an antibiotic hoping we don’t have a third c-diff but realistic. He wants it to be done. He doesn’t want to go home and put his dog through seeing him like he is. He thinks more about the dog and others than himself. Prepare ahead of time because Wow this is some BS. Disgusting

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The Art of Living

Part 1 of 2 My daughter, Laura was born with #Cystinosis . Laura went through so many struggles medically in her life. Laura was a firm believer in science, in the potential treatments to be found, in making life better for the next person, always happily being a guinea pig for any medical study that came along. She didn’t long for a cure, she longed to live the best life possible. #Cystinosis was just part of who she was, like being a 4’10 blondie.

In 2017 when Laura’s first #Transplant failed. She quickly began hemodialysis, and it was awful. Laura ended up with uncontrolled blood pressure which made her brain swell. For days, she couldn’t communicate other than to make the “Ma” sound. She was in this spastic body and you saw her fear and frustration in her eyes. She developed #Clostridiumdifficile while she was in the hospital and I quickly learned in the ICU they could not diaper her. Let me tell you it was amazingly gross; the poop literally flew. The #Spasticity that was happening added to the mess. She was scared, you could see it in her wild always open eyes, and she wanted to be touched every moment. We took turns sleeping in shifts so someone could have a hand on her 24/7. The doctors said she may need step down care, rehab type care which was so very scary. As she began regaining her mind and the swelling subsided I walked into her ICU room to see her on her knees on the bed singing “Despacito” at the top of her lungs swaying to her tune. Laura was coming back. It was decided that she would come to my house and live. She and her two dogs came to my house after this hospital stay. It was rough in the beginning. The dogs were wild and Laura was so very confused. She would wake up yelling for me not sure where she was, in some ways like a child. As she came back to herself, she told me when she couldn’t communicate she was in an episode of Modern Family, her mind took her away to another place that was safe from the pain. She could not drive at this time and I recruited people to give her rides to or from dialysis. Hemodialysis was rough. She would come home wiped out, legs cramping. She had minimal energy, sleeping tons, lots of headaches. We were taught to do peritoneal dialysis (PD). We went to classes and sat through days at clinic so SHE could take control of her healthcare. A new port put in and we found out that Dobby (her first transplanted kidney) was dead inside her and needed to come out immediately. She got through yet another surgery and she moved onto PD. She settled into the routine of 4 exchanges a day, every 6 hours, time windows for fun. She could have used the cycler machine at night but she worried how that would affect her dogs and her sleep. Laura valued her dogs and sleep way more than anything else.

Laura’s life over those few years was rough. She learned to have a clean car so she could do her exchanges as she chased adventure. And she did have adventures, she went to Miami and Los Angeles for festivals, to London and Ireland for two weeks and saw her beloved Harry Potter sets, Arizona, Philadelphia a couple of times, places that I can’t remember because she was always planning her next adventure. She adapted to her new reality which was what Laura was- adaptable. When life threw another curve ball and her foot was fractured and needed surgery. She adapted. Even as a child when she would constantly throw up, she accepted it, made it just something she did and moved on. She didn’t know the words, “You can’t do this” or maybe “you are just too sick or hurt”. Once she figured out how to make her life work around whatever obstacle she started making plans. The girl was a planner. We had so many plans, lists of places to go, people to see.

But, in October of 1999 Laura was hospitalized and this time was different. when I walked into the hospital room I knew she may not recover. This time might be the one she couldn’t overcome. As the days progressed, she could not even give a feeble thumbs up, her eyes were closed and minimally reactive. I started trying to adopt her bravery, I had to face that my girl may not be able to come home again. Laura didn’t like you to dwell in sadness, she wanted giggles and grins and that was what I needed to give her. On October 15th at 11:30am she left this world surrounded with laughter through tears and boundless love.

The best thing about Laura was she loved her people. She collected them like seashells, that, I like to think, she got from me. Once she made you part of her heart you resided there forever. And you were lucky. To be loved by Laura meant tons of laughs, singing at the top of your lungs barreling

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Why it is impossible to “just let go” of your trauma

I understand my #Trauma happened in the past–you don’t have to tell me. A sarcastic and authentic comedy about #Trauma , illness, and life-One Mississippi, helped me find the words to describe why I can’t “just let go” of #Trauma .

#Trauma is always with you like a shadow, following you around or over your shoulder. It will always be a part of who you are and what made you but it doesn’t have to be you–it doesn’t have to control you. You have to learn how to take back control and discover who you really are and give yourself some grace.

I have recently finished watching a 2015 series that was cut too short and recently put up on Hulu called One Mississippi about a woman that has to relive and uncover a lot of #Trauma , especially family and sexual #Trauma while dealing with the death of her mother, recovering from #BreastCancer , and struggling with #Clostridiumdifficile (colon infection). It is based on the true story of comedian Tig Notaro and she plays herself.

Through the series she has such a sarcastic sense of humor in a pretty honest way while confronting her past and dealing with her illnesses. She has a live radio show where she talks about these things as she lives through it all. It is so authentic, relatable, and hilarious.

There is a scene in episode four of season one, where she confronts her past by talking to her stepfather about how she was molested under her mother and stepfathers roof for years. Her stepfather, Bill tells her to let go of the past because it has been over thirty years and the man that hurt her is dead. Tig doesn’t really respond to this, she ends the conversation and leaves.

In the next episode, Bill tries to fix things with her as he has noticed tension in their #Relationships since they last talked. Tig and Bill start to talk and pick up the conversation sort of where they left off. One of the powerful quotes from this conversation is when Tig says, “You say to move on. Why not move on from the good, too? Like when I learned to walk or birthday parties. Or when Remy (her brother) pitched a perfect game. The good is in the past too, Bill. You can’t pick and choose. Every chapter matters.”

Bill says, “This is nonsense.”

Tig’s response is wonderful, “You don’t seem to comprehend the impact all of this (#Trauma ) has had and continues to have on my life and Remy’s.”

Bill says that they turned out fine. Tig then talks about impacts of childhood #Trauma by saying, “What is fine, Bill? Remy lives in the attic and hasn’t had a girlfriend since high school. I can’t commit to anyone and I have no place to live. We’re all paralyzed. This house is a pain vortex.”

I have been told many times to let go and move on from my #Trauma . Finding words to explain this is not easy and that is why I understood Tig when she just left when Bill first told her to let it all go. But the fact that she was able to come back and talk to her stepfather about this and find the words to describe why she can’t let go was fucking amazing. I felt like I had found some words to help myself describe why I can’t let go either. It is not easy to talk with someone who has not gone through what you have about letting go of #Trauma , they could never understand.

I felt connected to Tig in those scenes as well as many others in the show. Tig taught me that you should always be true to yourself in every moment, even if it makes others uncomfortable.

Recently, I spoke with a friend about these episodes and how I have heard so many people tell me to let go or move on when they have no clue what I have felt and experienced. My friend told me that she sees it as learning to walk alongside the #Trauma .

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This space for rent...

I have found that this app is way too triggering. There is no way to avoid the posts that trigger. This app has also shown how very few medical professionals are actually professional- according to posts.
Why must I see every dang post there is? There's very little explaining that most hastags are general topics, not any specific group. But it makes no difference because I see folks posting to a group and folks with just topic hashtags and they all end up in mainfeed. SMH there's no way to avoid posts I don't need to see!! It seems it makes no difference if you post to a specific group, I'll still see it in my feed even though I have not joined that group. I'm glad folks feel they are getting something out of this but I feel it's doing more damage to others. But nothing will change, because being the only app like this some must be so proud that they can't see the flaws. It's messy. Being the first means there is a responsibility, particularly to the users of this app. I'm sure this falls on deaf ears. I can no longer keep being subjected to every trauma. Besides, the fact that there are people in this world that will go out of their way to harm you, this app makes it too easy for those kinds of people. Good luck folks, careful what you share.
#RA
#InvisibleIllness
#ChronicPain
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Cdiff
#RaynaudsDisease
#EmotionalNeglect
#Abuse

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This space for rent...

I have found that this app is way too triggering. There is no way to avoid the posts that trigger. This app has also shown how very few medical professionals are actually professional- according to posts.
Why must I see every dang post there is? There's very little explaining that most hastags are general topics, not any specific group. But it makes no difference because I see folks posting to a group and folks with just topic hashtags and they all end up in mainfeed. SMH there's no way to avoid posts I don't need to see!! It seems it makes no difference if you post to a specific group, I'll still see it in my feed even though I have not joined that group. I'm glad folks feel they are getting something out of this but I feel it's doing more damage to others. But nothing will change, because being the only app like this some must be so proud that they can't see the flaws. It's messy. Being the first means there is a responsibility, particularly to the users of this app. I'm sure this falls on deaf ears. I can no longer keep being subjected to every trauma. Besides, the fact that there are people in this world that will go out of their way to harm you, this app makes it too easy for those kinds of people. Good luck folks, careful what you share.
#RA
#InvisibleIllness
#ChronicPain
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Cdiff
#RaynaudsDisease
#EmotionalNeglect
#Abuse

8 comments
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Am I Allowed to Feel?

This is long. So bear with me.

So a majority of you know my brother in law was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer last September. He had four rounds of aggressive chemo, went back to MD Anderson for a scan and the cancer had reduced, so they put him on a less aggressive and intense chemo for the remaining four rounds. After those four he went back to MD Anderson for another scan and the cancer had spread. They ordered eight more rounds of intensive chemo and told him he has about one year if he didn't take well to the chemo, two if he did. He had his first round of the new chemo three weeks ago.

Since that first round, he has had agonizing abdominal cramps, vomiting and diarrhea. He has not been able to eat or drink. He was in and out of the ERs, including MD Anderson, his last ER finally admitting him where he remained for roughly nine to ten days.

While at Hillcrest Main in Tulsa, during his time there they constantly had fluid IV going to him because he was so dehydrated. His potassium was super low so they were pushing potassium. He was ordered a feeding tube but he couldn't take the one down the nose and the surgeon said for his type of cancer, the feeding tube surgery had a high fatality plus she did not believe it would help. So they skipped that, did a colonoscopy and a endoscopy. His throat and bowels were swollen. They took a sample during the colonoscopy to test for C-Diff bacteria. The doctor said it looked, smelled, acted, etc like C-Diff but they could not start medications for it until they had a positive lab. They stated it would take 2-3 days to get results.

Guess what? They DESTROYED the sample. They never tested it! So he has to have ANOTHER colonoscopy done. They next day they told him it wasn't C-Diff and it was just that he was in the final stages of his cancer. How can you go from 2-3 days to get the results to "we got them it's not C-Diff".

He left the hospital on Friday or Saturday and is home. The plan was to get him to MD Anderson (if it was the cancer, they would have seen it on the scan the week prior when he was there) but he is too weak to make the trip. He has decided to stop chemo and to bring in hospice. He is exhausted and sick of being in pain and just doesn't want to be in pain anymore.

I am angry at the hospitals for this. I am upset it feels like he is giving up (I know he isn't, he is tired, his body is tired and he is mentally exhausted from constant battling). My heart breaks that my husband will no longer have his brother, my mother in law will no longer have two sons and my sister in law will no longer have her husband. I feel guilty and that I have no right to be we upset or cry as much as I have the last two days because, I just married into this family. I didn't realize how much I would love having a brother in law and sister in law that would I actively want to participate in their lives.

I ask that you all pray for my entire family of in-laws and me. We are going to need it. It's going to be a rough time during and for a bit after. I love you all. ❣️

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4am Thoughts

I wanted a opinion on something. i’ve been really struggling with my health lately, and everything has gone to crap, all the way from catch C.diff for the 4th time, to a pain management doctor who is unprofessional and unsympathetic. i wanna get all of these things off of my chest, so i’m thinking about starting a podcast. I want to share my experience and my journey to help guide others. <3 #MentalHealth

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#RA #ChronicPain #HS #Hypothyroid #rayauds #Depression #suicide #patientAbuse

I'm deleting this app. I can no longer play pretend with folks. I am so tired of finding that everyone is treated so differently from my experiences. I have never been offered any treatments other than methotrexate or humira- NEVER asked about TB, Never asked if I had any abcesses... yeah right as I am making the appointment to learn how to inject humira, I mention the dentist appointment I have and suddenly I cannot take humira. Not a single Dr. has ever asked the pertinent questions required. That was about 5 years ago. Nothings changed. I've had my rights stomped on and given no options to improve my quality of life. Everything I've ever had I had to ask for repeatedly. Doesn't matter what my labs say because I look too healthy. My last Dr., a gaslighting so and so that only cares if she LIKES you... didn't have any of my info correct. I tried to correct it but it didn't matter. I am always AMAZED to hear when folks are prescribed oral steroids, I was told they wouldn't help me - but then the lowest dose for 5 days probably wouldn't do much. I can't come here anymore and continue to confirm that I am not treated with any compassion or respect by my Dr's. The last Dr lied to my face trying to convince me that topical clyndemyacin ( I'm sure the spelling is wrong) did NOT have the same effects as oral - as in C. Difficile that I already had once! So I got it AGAIN. Just to try and show cooperation I did this and the woman didn't apologize- nothing. In fact it just got worse. I have NO SUPPORT system so I have no fight in me. I'm tired of still feeling completely alone HERE. Here on this app. Where I see the same kinds of posts over and over by the same people. It's more depressing than anything in my life. I can't find a single person that will treat me like a person. If I have to see another post full of platitudes and nonsense that negate everything I deal with , the very literal abuse at the hands of medical professionals ... why do I stick around? No one even bothers asking me anything, they think looking at me they can ASSUME they know me or my lifestyle. No one asks. No one listens. I have real medical issues that never get addressed. I guess I don't have the same rights. How about an article on when to sue for malpractice or resources for folks that have none, not hotlines that cannot effect any change... I'll never call. The state allowed me medicaid to pick up where Medicare leaves off and that's ALL. I shouldn't feel like the only way to make things better is to die. I have No one. I'm tired of feeling like I don't exist and nothing I do matters. Oh and kudos for offering some form of gift card or payment as incentive to join, really feels like exploitation of the impoverished. Being disabled is hard enough without being poor, but being poor and feeling baited by the CHANCE of compensation is sick.

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Need some feedback pls

So, I want to change drs after only a couple visits- this is a pcp not a rheumy. My previous Dr. "dismissed" me as a patient after 8 years- 8 years of ignoring me, talking down to me, comparing my pain to hers...I should have left years ago. From age 10 Dr's would blame my weight for everything, never bothering to run a single diagnostic test.
So I grew up with #HidradenitisSuppurativa and by age 13 RA appears. At least the Ortho surgeon I saw then took x-rays, and did inform me of how thick my bones are yet not in my joints- and did say I had a "joint growth disorder" which supposedly explained why the cartilage in my knee was so degraded. But again, told to lose weight or the alternative would be metal rods in my legs that would be very painful for the rest of my life (yes, he really said that). I have learned to ignore pain from a young age so I never appear to be all that disabled. Sound familiar? Between my history with drs,neglect growing up and a 5 year relationship that was a sham- I don't trust anyone and I have no support system.
I decided after my last dr that I would no longer give so many chances , 3 strikes and you're out. So my current dr has 2 strikes. He must not have been listening when I mentioned having c diff twice, when he suggested a round of antibiotics ( just because it would probably help??? I know some think that RA is just from rampant infection but I don't think prescribing them before any blood tests or diagnostics is a good idea). Strike 2 was trying to fill a prescription - celebrex- all I have for pain and inflammation , and nothing for 2 days. When I called drs office I was livid. A staff member that had been fired had screwed up. But I was being blamed for being upset, and not being reassured that it wasn't my fault, that it wouldn't happen again and my prescription would be called in asap. I yelled but Never cursed or insulted anyone. My next appointment the woman I spoke on the phone with was the check-in nurse that decided to again blame me for getting upset. She knew she was wrong, they screwed up but was determined to shame me. Now I have a recommendation to a dr from another spoonie, but I want to have my first visit be just a conversation. I literally do not want to fill out a single piece of paperwork, just give my insurance and talk to the dr. Is this possible?? I want to explain my situation, what's been done and prescribed, what health goals I have, what I've accomplished. I want to get an understanding of their approach, personality, biases. I am totally willing to use teledoc as it may make it easier on the Dr and definitely on me.
So holler at me spoonies, is it possible?
FYI- no rheumy will do squat for me due to the 6 roots of teeth that have to be surgically removed that are considered abscesses and prevent me from taking RA drugs.
TY in advance! Sorry so wordy.
#RheumatoidArthritis

2 comments