Deppresed

just found out there's literally 1300 person wait list in my city for a psychiatrist

I've already been off work since Oct 2018.

so ive got this freind who keeps on saying that he might comit suicide. but te thing is that if he comits suicide then i will cause i cant live wth out him cause hes the only person who makes me laugh. and im falling into deppresion cause of him but the only reason that he said that is because his dog got put down his uncle got stapped and his baby brother didnt make it #Suicide #Deppresed

i just cant seam to move on anymore going 100 but not getting nowherre

so um im srry but i dont even know myself anymore i just wanna cry but it makes me feel weak why please help

I have a tri-diagnosis Of #madelungs defomity , #savant syndrome #SavantSyndrome , #SavantSyndrome ,#EhlersDanlosSyndrome , #Autism #Autism #Autism #Autism , #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDisorder #order #BipolarDisorder #dep , #BipolarDisorderBorderlinePersonalityDisorderADHD , #bipolardisorderborderlinepresonalitydisorderADHD , #BipolarDisorderDepression #AspergersSyndrome , #AspergersSyndromeAwareness , #Aspergers , #AspergersSyndromeAwareness , #AspergersAreUs , #AspergersSyndrome , ,#Depression , #Depression #MentalHealthAwareness ,#DepressiveDisorders , ,#Deppresed , #Anxiety #PTSD , #PTSD -old ,#Complex Post Traumatic Stress , #PTSD ,#CPTSD , #CPTSDinrelationships ,#Ld in reading comprehension , #LearningDisabilities , #Dyslexia ,#SensoryProcessingDisorder , #SensoryProcessingIssues , #SensoryModulationDisorder , #SensoryProcessignDisorder , #CentralAuditoryProcessingDisorder , #SensoryDisorder , #AuditoryProcessingDisorder ,#SensoryProcessingIssues , #SensoryProcessingDisorderAwarenessMonth , #SensoryProcessingDisorderAwarenessMonth , #SensoryProcessingDisorder , #Sensory processing disorder ,#Adhdandanxietyinarelationship #adhdinchildcaresettings, #adhdinmen , #Adhdinwomen , #adhdinearlychildhood #adhdwomen #CombinedPresentationADHD #UndiagnosedADHD #ADHDInGirls #focus #ADHD #Autism ##ADHD #Rheuma #Y  #ADHD #ADHD #ADHD #ADHD #AttentiondeficitDisorder #AttentionDeficitHyperactivityDisorder #AttentionDeficitHyperactivityDisorder #AttentionDeficitHyperactivityDisorder #AttentiondeficithyperactivityDisorder #AttentiondeficithyperactivityDisorder #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #Selfharm , #OtherPersonalityDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder ,#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Borderline Personality disorder #Madelungsdeformity #Madelung #madelungs #madelungs deformity as well as many other conditions that causes physical and emotional pain I do #DBT (#DialecticalBehaviorTherapy ) an it helps a little but my twin sister doesn’t have to go through what I have to go through and she got to skip a grade and I didn’t even though my IQ is 205 and hers is 148 I live in Saint Louis Missouri and went to Stanford all the way in California and now is still in California working for Facebook and I never get to see my own twin sister I feel like she is the very successful twin who skipped a grade went to Stanford graduated and now works for Facebook and I’m the wimpy twin who is unsuccessful who has to live in constant chronic pain has to live in an ISL (individualized supported living) like a group home I don’t have a drivers license I Don't have a job and never have and my parents have to have guardianship of me also my mom has 4 kids two sets of twins and our younger brothers have had equal opportunities how do I deal with all of this #Multiplesetsofmultiples #Saintlouismissouri #STL #Individualizedsupportedliving #Individualizedsupportedliving #ISL #Supportedliving #individualized supported living

Today I looked up how long it would take to drown
Today I looked up how long it would take to drown
How long can you hold your breath
before you can't hold your breath any longer
And how long until your lungs give out
and the sound that used to fill the void
Quiets like a mass of midnight, searching for its piece of the pie Today

I stood in front of a window and
imagined what it would be like to fly, no I didn't
I imagined what it would be like to
jump outside the frame that caged me inside
But my better judgment said it wouldn't be
very kind if someone you cared about found you
That's the voice that plays like a tape on rewind, rewind, rewind...

It wouldn't be fair to a stranger either Today I'm reminded of the time I watched a
man jump into a highway when I was just seventeen
The car lights on either side of the upper
portion of the Auto Route below standing at attention
Staring off into the distance
Just waiting for the road to clear

And the way to the comfort of their loved ones to be made Death is a strange and hollow inconvenience when you think about it
There's a blank face that quickly and abruptly finds
its way to all the witness something of that magnitude
It's not empathy, it's not sympathy
It's more of a force intrinsic and integral self reflection
Why would someone do such a thing?
What could drive someone to that type of depth?
Could I be driven to such depths?
Would I ever be able to jump?There is no place to be soft in these moments, jump

There's no time to caught in this moment, jump
There's no need to believe there ever was a moment, jump
Sigh, believe, relief in this moment
'Cause I could never be the one to be in this moment
Or could I? jump Today I looked up how long it would take to drown
Do you first hold your breath?
Do you exhale all of your problems and
worries before casting your thoughts to the bottom
Of an otherwise empty place below
the poverty line of depressed thoughts
And the sad calamity of a hunted house you've called home?
I don't know
Maybe someone out there has an answer...But for now I'm still trying to come to terms of the fact
That today I looked up how long it would take to drown

Hello guys I feel very upset towards my father very much at this time especially when I want to be alone or in any corner, especially because I do not do anything wrong and there is no time dedicated to me to develop my skills I feel frustrated but I think a lot of swallowing my tongue I do not want to hear or I see or say any character in this house because they want me to do so I'm lonely and I hate my life, especially I am a market twenty years later I wish my life happy because the past was bad and I'm still trying to look for the future but not as before I was excited and now I'm frustrated #Selflove