DoubtingMyself

I completed all of the paperwork and contacted relevant accessibility specialists, only to be told that "my case was reassigned to a mental health specialist because it appears my #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis is secondary to my  #Depression ". First, I thought they weren't allowed to make assumptions like that with no evidence from my drs, but also I'm concerned b/c most of the issues I've experienced in school have been from ME/CFS, and I would like a specialist who deals with that. How would you deal with this situation?  #CheckInWithMe   #DoubtingMyself

This is one particular moment that i’m not proud of but have the urge to share as 1 of my 2021 resolutions.

These past few months i’ve been dealing with this “situation” that makes me doubt myself or so I thought. The only silver lining that i can feel during the pandemic is finally I have the chance and permission to study abroad, even though the road to success kinda bumpy. Last September, i got my conditional acceptance letter, which means i need to submit my IELTS score before I continue. I was so sure that i’m gonna nailed it, so i studied and take prediction test for 3 times, first time i got 6 overall score, second times 6.5 overall score, and third times 7 overall score. I should be happy and take the real test, but nooooooooooo, apparently my brain and my heart has conflict of interest. You can say i was devastated for no reason, or maybe i thought i was better than that. I overthink the test, i feel like an imbecile, and the thought of taking the test scared me to death, what if i fail? It cost IDR 2,9 million or around USD 200 per test, that’s a lot of money that i can’t easily waste. Long story short, since i stalling my test, i have to defer my study. I have to wait for another 4 months to pursue my high school dreams. I’m scared of what the future have in store for me, what if i screwed up, what if it’s not how i think it will be, and other what if..

What if it’s all start as self doubt and grew as Self Sabotage?
What if I sabotage my own happiness so i won’t disappoint others?
What if . . . #SelfDoubt #selfsabotage #MentalHealth #DoubtingMyself

More and more I keep getting the same feeling that I've had for two months. As much as I want to be vulnerable and open with others, I end up regretting it. I meet new people and I tell myself not to get too attached should they leave. I gave up on any chance of a relationship because of being reminded that even though someone can say they care, they always leave. Or that someone else is making them more happy than I am. I'm doubting my existence again. I just don't see how anyone ( regardless if I know them or not) could need me in any way. I don't see myself as a light in this world. The one thing that made me smile today was getting a text about my appointment with my therapist on Friday. I've just about given up on a number of things because I'm not good enough to have them. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SuicidalThoughts #DoubtingMyself

I’ve been really doubtful of myself. Sorta kicked in around the afternoon when I was getting down on some Bloodborne and I kept dying over and over (Ran into a bastard named Micolash). It made me feel like I sucked at the game even though I managed to get passed Yharnam and the Frontier.

Then I tried to draw, but couldn’t draw anything good. Just recently, I got accepted into an art college, and as I tried to draw, I started thinking that this college made a mistake on accepting me, that I wasn’t that good of an artist, etc etc.

Then I tried to write something I haven’t worked on in at least a year, and everything I wrote, I hated and felt like crying because I just felt it wasn’t good enough and everyone would hate it

OCD thinking intrusive thoughts... so much doubt I can’t stand it! The OCD/Anxiety trick me into believing it’s NOT OCD/Anxiety...I can’t trust my gut, brain, feelings... because they’re ALL LACED WITH DOUBT! It’s so evil and sneaky. It makes me doubt the OCD/Anxiety itself. Between books, blogs, meds, therapy and hypnosis...I’m trying! Plus my hormones (hypothyroidism and Nexplanon birth control in my arm) continue to exacerbate things... I just want to BE! I want to be present and in control, not moving from one distraction to another. Anyone feel me? Anyone been there? I’m here for you just as you are for me! We’re in this together! Let us take solace in each other and support one another! 💗💗💗 #RelationshipOCD #OCDthinking #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Anxiety #Hormones #Nexplanon #DoubtingMyself #Doubt #IntrusiveThoughts