Family and Friends

My mom is a certain kind of special
A few weeks ago my mom told me she doesn't believe I'm sick and that I'm doing this for attention. She told me I must have fucked with the MRI results. Then I must not have deformities in my hips cuz my Ped would have found it. And I'm probably screwing around with my eyes on purpose.
She said I shouldn't need meds anymore cuz I had a surgery and doctors don't screw up so my doctor must have been a scam. No mom, I had a multiple awards winning neurosurgeon.

My mom graduated high school and then immediately got a cute little job until she found herself a husband who can carry the family on his back. My dad on the other hand went to northwestern college. He owned a hardware store for my entire childhood. I worked for him on payroll when I turned 14 and he used my checks to get boat toys.

When I lived at home, one night my middle sister asked her dad "why do only men get prostate cancer? What part of the brain is it in?" He looked at me as milk shot out my nose. That's when mom defended the*redacted*... "Don't make fun of her, it's not like that's common knowledge!"

Any questions as to why I'd rather sleep outside a public library during a thunderstorm and they had an awning than stay one day in that house.
#Abuse #neglect #FamilyAndFriends

My daughter has a dog called “Teddy”. I have given him the nickname “Mr President” inspired by President Teddy Roosevelt. He is a very cool dog.

My daughter has her own business and employs 15+ people, but fortunately she can work from home. This week she walked away from her desk only to find the dog sitting in her chair, with his paws on the keyboard, when she returned.

He has certainly captured the hearts of my family. My Grandchildren get much enjoyment from him. It’s amazing how a pet can become part of the family.

We all need reminding sometimes.

For as long as I can remember I have been determined not to age prematurely as far as my outlook and attitude goes. It disturbs me to see people who act like they are 20 years older than they are. It seems a waste.

I turn 66 next week but I try to have the energy and movement of a 50 year old.

Today though I got a reminder and reality check that indeed I am not in my prime anymore. Having been diagnosed with very brittle bones and having spent two much time in hospital over the last 12 months with fractures my doctor registered me with government provided assistance.

In a few days time I will be assessed and most likely the government will pay for a gardener to prune our trees and a few other garden tasks. They will most likely also provide some cleaning help. These have previously been my tasks. I have paid huge taxes over the years so I have no qualms getting free assistance but the reality I can’t do everything I used to is humbling.

I will get used to this. I must. I am sure that there would be countless people in other countries who would love government assistance like this.

I still don’t want to grow old graciously. I want to grow old outrageously large and still pioneering ideas and inspiring others. It’s time accept that sometimes we all need a little help.

The trap of parenting guilt

One of the hardest jobs in the world is being a parent. After our daughter was born we were feeling reasonably confident when our son was born two years later. What we hadn’t considered though was the fact that they were completely different. What worked with one child didn’t work for the other.

One of the most challenging aspects of parenting is that we can do our very best to raise children who are happy, productive and responsible. We want children who make the right choices. Children who walk away from darkness and embrace good choices in life.

This week I am going to conduct a funeral for a young man who died at aged 48. He grew up in church and I taught him in Sunday school. In his teenage years he started dabbling with drugs and getting into low level crime. As much as I implored his parents to have firm boundaries with him they found it difficult to say “no” to him about anything.

I tried to scare him straight by pointing out what happens to young guys in prison. Unfortunately he did end up in prison and my predictions came true. Over the years he became addicted to harder drugs and this brought about violent outbursts. His parents had to take restraining orders out on him.

This week they found him deceased in their garden shed. The coroner has ruled death by alcohol poisoning.

Naturally his parents are struggling with guilt about what they saw as their failures as parents. This is what I reminded them.

You can try to be a perfect parent, although there really is no such thing. The sad truth is, God gave us free will and even though we do our very best our children can make choices that are dangerous, reckless and have awful consequences.

After Rick Warrens son committed suicide some cruel and heartless people posted online “ Where is your purpose driven life now”.

Rick and his wife gave their son the very best of care and professional support. It unfortunately wasn’t enough.

So parents. Please listen. If your children have taken a path you would not have chosen. Please gentle with yourself. We can do our best but sometimes that is not enough.

At the funeral I will highlight the times their son and I discussed the love of God and how he knew God loved him despite everything. I will offer hope to the grieving. I will speak about the mercy of God.

God entrusts our children to us. Then we entrust our children to God. We always pray for them. We always love them. It’s what we can do.

If I have learnt one thing in my 65 years on this planet it’s this, you will never know what a day will bring.

Last night when I hopped into bed my heart started having intense palpitations like I have never experienced before. I put it down to the raft of pain meds I am on after major dental surgery last week.

I woke at 4am and as soon as I stood up the world started spinning and I crashed onto the floor. Unfortunately this woke my Wife and she was instantly concerned. I assured her I was ok and must have slipped. I tried getting up again and this time crashed down harder. She had the presence of mind to get my blood pressure machine and it registered 88 over 64. Normally my bp is about 130/90. I knew trying to get up again was futile so we called an ambulance.

I was devastated. Over the past few years there have been 10 surgeries my Wife has nursed me through and emotionally she is exhausted. Here we were another medical emergency.

She didn’t come in the ambulance with me. I assured her I understood and was fully supportive of her decision. Two years on if she hears the words “code blue” she freezes. I am ok with the words as I have no recollection of the incident.

Self pity started knocking on my door today. I sent it away. Yes, it’s a major disappointment and the CT scan of my brain won’t be reviewed until tomorrow as it’s a public holiday today.

Whatever happens I know, in Australia we have amazing medical care. It’s not cheap but it is extremely good. My family made sure someone was with me all day. Many people have no one.

I didn’t break a bone which is amazing considering my current poor bone density.

I thinks it’s critical we never try and intertwine depression and self pity together. Depression is not a choice. It’s a medical condition. It’s horrendous. It doesn’t discriminate.

Yet, in spite of what’s happening around me, God help me to see what is going right even though there are many things going wrong.

The photo is my youngest Granddaughter. She had the miseries one day and wanted everyone to know about it. As is her way, 5 minutes after the photo she found reasons to be grateful. May I always follow her great example.

Hi everyone. Three days ago I went into hospital and had all my upper teeth removed and dental implants put in their place. This is a decision I have been putting off for a few years but the deterioration of my teeth left me without many options.

Practically this means only soft foods for the next 4-6 months. As you can see from the photo I look like a teddy bear at the moment. Since that photo black eyes and black cheeks have emerged. I am trying to focus on the end results. The swelling will retreat and the black eyes will heal. It’s the yucky in between season I hate. I am sure you can relate.

This is going to be one of the hardest posts I’ve ever made. I have been absent for quite a few weeks. The reason for this is for many reasons but mainly because I have been having a multitude of medical tests.

My Wife has expressed concern about my driving for awhile now. I have been on occasions misjudging distance of other cars, waiting too long at traffic lights after they turn green etc. There have been times when trying to process all the traffic movements around me has flooded my mind. Living in a city of 5 million people means this is a challenge. I have also been on occasions struggling to remember names of people I have known as acquaintances.

After many neurological tests early onset dementia has been ruled out, in fact any physiological condition has been ruled out. The conclusion the doctors have come it’s a psychological issue.

Some of you may recall that about 5 years ago a brother and sister went to the police and accused me of assault dating back to 1983. That allegation resulted in a very close suicide event and extended stay in a psych hospital.

After an 18 month investigation the matter was withdrawn before it went to court as we were able to provide irrefutable evidence I was overseas and interstate that whole year. I was a professional actor in 82 and 83 and spend 12 months overseas on tour. There were also major holes in their account and in the end they stopped responding to the police. My lawyers said from the start it was always about money as in the state where they live there is substantial automatic compensation just for making the allegation. There was also bitterness with them because they falsely believed that when I finished acting I would return and marry her. Instead I returned and proposed to my now wife who I had a long distance relationship the whole 2 years I was away.

We thought the matter was closed when the charge was dropped. 18 months ago I was advised they had brought a lawsuit against the church. I thought it had no hope as I attended the church for 3 months in 1981 and was away 82,83.

Well the church not wanting adverse publicity and knowing the courts in that state had a demonstrable bias against churches, settled the matter with a payout. I was very disappointed. What a waste of money and I saw it as rewarding lies. 12 months after the settlement I was advised that the insurance company that covers Pastors would no longer cover me because of the settlement and my credentials were withdrawn. My supervisor was in tears when he told me. He knows I am innocent but the matter was out of his hands.

I was instructed to have a 6 month hiatus from speaking in case the liars saw me on our livestream. For awhile now everything is back to normal and the only restriction is I can’t legally conduct weddings which doesn’t bother me at all.

What really upsets me is how the system in that state is biased to the extent that even making an allegation leads to compensation even if it’s not tested in court. And there will be people aware of the case who believe where there is smoke there is fire.

So now I have to re engage with a therapist. I have been suggested to see one who specialises in helping Pastors and who is a Pastors Wife and understands the unique nature of the ministry.

Interestingly since I decided to pursue therapy again my driving has significantly improved. I really didn’t want to end up here again but ignoring it would be extremely irresponsible. The journey continues.

💚 Join us for our 20th Anniversary NAMIWalks NYC + Mental Health Street Fest! 💚

Step up for mental health and let’s break the stigma together. Sign up today and be part of a day filled with community.

📅 Date: Sunday, May 17

📍 Location: The Seaport

🔗 Sign up now: namiwalksnyc.org

#MentalHealth #FamilyAndFriends #MentalHealthAwareness

It is Mothers Day here in Australia. A day of very mixed emotions for many. Today we remember, Conrad, the son we lost and Tobias, the son our daughter lost. And we remember the amazing women who over the years have nutured and inspired us.

For the mothers who are knee deep in family life, we salute you and marvel and applaud at your incredible ability to love and nurture your children on good days and bad days.

For the mothers who have lost a child, I send you love, you are so very brave.

To the women who no longer have their mother, this day can be a heart-breaking reminder of your loss. May you find comfort today.

To the women who have not made it into motherhood even though you desperately wanted to, I acknowledge today can be very challenging for you. May you know peace and comfort today.

To the women who mother another child, you are a brilliant example of humanity and love. You are to be celebrated. You are giving an amazing gift to those in need.

To all Mothers today, you are seen, you are to be celebrated, you are amazing!