Family and Friends

Been trying to prevent the er with communicating with my docs and being assertive. Even when admitted into the hospital I was being assertive with them. With the lack of availability of staff and budget cuts it has been hard trying to get home health covered by my insurance. I can’t afford private pay. I have been disabled for a long time. I only get Medicaid and SSI because my disabilities happened at age 23 not before age 22 and I haven’t worked enough prior to qualify. I was working prior to Covid. I got a lot worse since then but I’m still trying to finish my bachelors degree so I can work again. I need help at home with everything right now. When I was getting discharged and finally able to get dressed I hurt myself in the bathroom. I still need help with everything and am just almost as bad as I was coming into the er.
I reached out to my brothers saying dad and I are very stressed and need help. He can’t keep up with everything around the house ontop of taking care of me 24:7 with everything. It’s very overwhelming and fustrating handling this all by ourselves.
They told me I should went to rehab facility and demanded it and I need to move out. I told them I have been trying to get help before it got this bad. I get passed around. Even my docs and the social workers couldn’t find anywhere to go or have home health come in. Their is no other options.
They told me to hang in there and will call me tomorrow when have a chance. My anxiety is through the roof. No one has been listening that things are very bad bc I can’t get help. I need help right now. I don’t want to keep going back to the er. I’m doing everything I can to not crack. I have been pro active assertive and persistent. Things haven’t gotten better. They’ve gotten worse. I’m trying not to sink. I just keep treading water not moving forward. I’m exhausted physically mentally and emotionally. Nothing is working. I’m not a major priority when I should be.
Even in the er I had true serious emergency and didn’t get attended to fast enough when the er wasn’t even super busy nor had life or death situations that every second counts comes in. What not being able to move nor being able to not have bladder and bowel control with that much pain doesn’t count as an emergency when I was able to walk and even pee that morning? Having ptsd flashbacks with this all doesn’t help either. I’ve literally been screaming for help demanding it and not getting it. Our healthcare system is getting worse instead of better.
Government services for people who need them are getting taken away or changing their qualifications for people not to receive it who desperately need it. I’m scared for what America is turning into and will become in my future. Will I even be able to survive down the road? I should have accessible healthcare that’s affordable for all my chronic conditions but I don’t. Things literally changed overnight for me 15 years ago and slowly got worse. Before then I was a very healthy 23 year old. I’m now 38 years old needing the most care I have ever needed in my life and not getting it. I have lost friends over the years due to my health. Don’t want to lose my family as well.
I don’t see any light at the end of this tunnel anymore. I don’t want to be in a nursing home for the rest of my life with not getting proper care there due to lack of staff. It happens every day bc not enough help and staff don’t want to do something that’s not their job. What happened to people being decent kind caring and hardworking wanting to help others? #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #IfYouFeelHopeless #Anxiety #Undiagnosed #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Depression #FamilyAndFriends #Trauma

During the nasty conversation I had with my sister she told me my mom is getting sick of our conversations. So I decided I won't reach out to anyone in my family. They don't message me so in essence I'm cutting ties with my family. It's a long time coming. My mom is abusive and transphobic. My sister decided I'll never meet my niece and nephews. She still calls me her "transgender sister".
My new glasses are coming next week! I'm so excited! I haven't had glasses for 5 years so my eyes got bad . Plus I'm dealing with the exotropia. We are hoping the glasses will fix my double vision.
I hate being transgender but it's my truth. I'm trying to live an authentic life. So I'm trying to make peace with my identity.
#Transgender #LGBT #FamilyAndFriends

I'm ill. Mentally. (I'm struggling to see a psychiatrist right now but I know that I have at least severe anxiety, from previous diagnosis). But what pains me the most is seeing my parents in pain, because they love me. When I cry, they cry. When I suffer, they suffer. But I can't get better and also carry that guilt with me. They are also quite vocal about how painful this is for them, and good ! They are valid and they should express themselves. But I'm 18. And I can't be responsible of their pain. I know this might be selfish, but sometimes I wish my pain was the main subject of my own illness.

On another note, I hope you're having a good day and be kind to yourself. You're worth it. (Yeah I just wanted to vent a little.)

#Anxiety #Depression #FamilyAndFriends #Caregiving #MentalHealth