Family and Friends

2025 has gone. In some ways I am glad. There were so many good things that happened in 2025 but the year ended badly with my accident.

What does 2026 hold? I have a few ideas but that’s all. This morning my Wife surprised me by dragging some outdoor lounges from our front patio and made an alfresco dining area facing our garden. She then brought out a wonderful tray of eggs, ham and chorizo. What a blessing. The birds are singing, there is a gentle breeze.

I have hope that in 4-5 weeks I should be able to walk unaided. Can’t wait. No doubt like most years there will be triumphs and tragedies. There will be disappointments and unexpected surprises that make us smile.

I must focus on the One who holds the future and is also holding me. Jesus, may I never forget or take for granted your mercy, love, protection and grace.

There are some posts you really hesitate making, this is definitely one of them. Today I feel like a fraud. At church this morning I really didn’t want to be there and I really didn’t want to engage with anyone. Yesterday I started to feel very unwell with debilitating chest pain. My Wife asked me if I thought it was cardiac related. Given my recent history of major heart surgery it was definitely a valid question. The truth was I wondered if it was cardiac but the thought of yet another ambulance ride and another hospital admission was more than I could handle. I thought if it is an heart issue then maybe I would get to heaven and frankly that sounded good. It’s been 8 weeks since my accident. That’s 8 weeks of constant pain and my resolve is getting low.

Today my digestive system isn’t keeping any food in. And I am crazy tired. I have been sleeping a lot lately during the day which isn’t normal but I have forgotten what normal is. No one at church realises what a state I am in. I keep carefully prepared walls around me because I know if they did know they would all want to visit, cook etc and I just don’t have the energy to entertain people. Those walls though have created an environment where I am feeling like an isolated fraud. All I can manage now is to lay in the guest bedroom bed. I am too tired to read or watch tv.

I have managed to get appointment tomorrow with a doctor. I don’t know what to tell her. I think I will try and articulate I am scared that I am behind on my recovery and I want a review of my pain medication regime because I don’t think it’s keeping up with my pain levels. I am allergic to some pain medication and OxyContin has no effect on me. I am wondering if my current pain medication is also ineffective. My surgeon is overseas for another 2 weeks, the rehabilitation program is closed until Jan 6. I have no idea what I should be expecting at this post operative point.

Here on The Mighty I am often seen as an encourager. Today I feel like nothing but a fake. I am drowning and I can’t even find myself a life preserver. The physical pain is relentless and I am worn out.

The photo is a view outside the guest bedroom I am staying in. It offers a glimmer of hope.

Yesterday was Christmas here in Australia. The amount of work put into the day is huge. Cooking starts many days beforehand and the text messages organising who will be doing what starts months before the day. It’s a big day with high expectations.

This year I knew weeks in advance it was going to be a very different Christmas for me and that too required quite a bit of planning. Early November my world was turned upside down after a careless person at a gym class ran into me and caused me to crash hard on the floor, and in the process, shattering my tibia in multiple places. Complicated surgery was required and it will be mid January before I can start some weight bearing movements. Full recovery will take 6 months.

So, the logistics of how I would manage Christmas Day have been the subject of a lot of thought. The first challenge was how to get me inside my daughters house. It’s build on a very steep hill and has heaps of stairs and is multi levelled.

With careful planning my wheelchair got me into the house, via the garage and with the aid of a few guests. Then I was wheeled to the room where the buffet was and a safe space reserved for me. A strategy for a dedicated bathroom was sorted. Without prompting so many guests ensured I had food and drink, and they went upstairs to get me coffee and constantly checked if I needed anything. A sofa was put in place for me to snooze.

Most people were eating around the pool so when I decided I would like to join them, again people rallied and helped figure out how to get me and my wheelchair outside.

Many years ago we made a decision as a family that Christmas Day would be a day of inclusion. We agreed to embrace anyone who may not have family, is isolated or just needed to be included. This has transformed our Christmas. It became a very large gathering. It’s multicultural, noisy, fun, and so fulfilling.

One relative was very unhappy about the open invitation to others and told me that “Christmas is for family”. I couldn’t let this remark go unchallenged so before we said grace for the food I declared, “It has been said that Christmas is a time for family. And that is indeed true. And all of you, are family. So welcome to you all”.

My relative gave me a death stare.

Yesterday, with all the logistics of just getting me around I was touched and overwhelmed by how many people, without being asked, took it upon themselves to help me have a wonderful day. Their love and compassion, demonstrated the best in humanity. My extended “family” did so much to make this a very memorable Christmas, for all the right reasons. I am thankful.

Arriving at church this morning a familiar routine played out. As my Wife parked our car there was a rush of people coming to push me and my wheelchair inside. I am quite capable of doing it myself but they want to help. It’s humbling.

Then as the music practiced my daughter started playing one of my favourite Christmas carols, O Holy Night. In spite of my best efforts to mask it, I started to cry.

Was it because of the generosity of people wanting to help me get to my seat and other tasks like getting me coffee? Was it the beautiful singing? I don’t know. What I do know is this Christmas season is like no other. I need help with so many things. I can’t go upstairs to choose my own clothes. I need assistance with managing the 15 different meds I take each day. I need help with critical things, like getting my own coffee (That is scary, coffee is seriously important).

I am learning, slowly, don’t overthink things too much. There are explanations we will never receive, and that’s okay. The reason behind the tears is not as important as letting them flow.

Thank God for hope, the promise contained in the Christmas story. Thank God for caring people and for human connections. Thank God for hope of better days ahead.

I woke up this morning in a crazy amount of pain. I had taken two different pain meds at 1am but when I woke at 8am it was time to take 4 different meds.

I started doing my daily leg exercises designed to help my leg recover from the major surgery it had 4 weeks ago. And frankly I detest those exercises because they bring on extreme pain but I know they are one of the keys to getting full use of the leg back.

Out of the blue are flood of tears hit me, and I started sobbing uncontrollably. I was puzzled where they came from and then clarity came, like a earth shattering bolt of lightning.

I am grieving. Grieving the crazy amount of pain I have had to endure the last 5 weeks. Grieving the $8000 in medical bills. Now, I can afford those, no problem at all, it’s just I would rather have been able to spend it on something more meaningful.

I am grieving the loss of dignity being in hospital brings. You have to discuss with the medical team information that is normally way off limits.

I am grieving the huge load others have had to pick up because of my limited abilities for awhile. My Wife doesn’t complain but I know she is exhausted. The last time I was in hospital she was there when code blue was called and she had to stand in a corner while 12 medical people attended to me and then hurriedly took me away for more surgery. That must have been the longest wait for her.

I’m grieving not being independent and having to rely on a walking frame, wheelchair and other mobility equipment.

As a Pastor I have learnt a lot about grief. Walking alongside people who have had to bury loved ones is an incredible privilege. Yet, here is the bottom line. The more I learn about grief the more I realise how little I know. It’s very complicated, very individual and it plays by its own rules.

I do know this though. Having shed so many tears this morning, I feel better for it. My physical pain is still easily getting my attention but in 45 minutes the main pain meds will kick in.

So many people on this app are dealing with grief. Most having to navigate much deeper and more painful grief than what I am experiencing right now.

This current situation has taught me, again, a universal truth. Grief is much better handled when you don’t try and do it on your own.

I have had over the years many people reluctant to visit a grieving person because “they don’t know what to say”. That is indeed a challenge. I then advise them they don’t have to say anything. Just be there. Some questions generally work well such as:
How are feeling?
Tell me about (the person who has died)?
What’s the most challenging thing you are facing at the moment?

Not facing this season alone has kept me from going down dark rabbit holes. Support from friends. Love from my family. People here on The Mighty. Gods voice. Medical practitioners.

I don’t normally like crying, at all. Yet, I am grateful for the tears this morning.

It is my hope and prayer that this post brings someone some comfort, wisdom and hope today.

#Depression #Anxiety #Grief #FamilyAndFriends #Relationships #Recovery #MentalHealth

I am posting this from one of our guest rooms. Yes, I am home. It was a very emotional experience going through the front door today, navigating with my walking frame. During the 5 weeks I was in hospital my Wife has put up all the Christmas decorations. The house looks great.

I saw my surgeon today and he was happy with my leg. He reminded me I won’t be allowed to walk unaided until January. He also said full healing will take 3 months. Patience is not one of my strong suits. I am in the guest room as there is no way I can navigate the stairs to our bedroom.

I wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital until I mastered using crutches on a set of 3 stairs. It’s 3 steps down into our kitchen and main bathroom. Going down there tonight I faltered and put my injured leg down. I wasn’t completely truthful with my wife about whether it hurt or not. I ditched the crutches and crawled down the stairs. I don’t think I will attempt to use the crutches for a few days. I have a wheelchair and walking frame I can use elsewhere.

I have shed many tears lately. Tears of physical pain as the doctors try to get the right mix of the 5 different pain meds I am on. But mostly tears of missing my loved ones and familiar places. I will be in church on Sunday. First time in 6 weeks.

I am amazed at the incredible support I have received from people at the hospital. Doctors, nurses, physios, catering staff and even the cleaners. The support of family and friends has been overwhelming. Also the support from you guys here on The Mighty has been wonderfully reassuring and encouraging.

It’s been a traumatic 5 weeks but I can see hope on the horizon. Thank you all. Here is a photo of part of our lounge room.

The latest chapter of my recovery story is a good one, finally. Four weeks ago someone at the cardio exercise group I went to did something very silly and as a result I found myself in an ambulance on my way to hospital.

After being diagnosed with a complex tibia fracture Doctors put the leg in plaster hoping it would heal. After a week I was transferred to a rehabilitation facility where the staff dropped the ball in disturbing ways. For instance one day I was stranded in my bathroom for over an hour because the nurse forgot I was there.

Scans showed the leg wasn’t healing as hoped so I was transferred back to the first hospital. There I had surgery to repair the leg. I now have a metal plate and screws in the leg, for which I am grateful for. Unfortunately errors continued. Things like almost being given someone else’s medication and doses of pain meds being missed.

These are private hospitals so they normally have very high standards of care, not this time.

Yesterday I was transferred to another rehabilitation hospital. This hospital is extremely hard to get into because it is always full because of their commitment to excellence. I came here yesterday and immediately was shocked by the high nurse/patient ratio. The attentiveness of the staff and the promise of intensive treatment.

Today I had two one on one physiotherapy sessions specific to my injury. It was intense but already I could feel my leg was moving with less restriction and control.

The food has been of a quality that wouldn’t be out of place at a great restaurant.

I have hope. I am now in a safe place, I am being heard, I am under multi-discipline medical care. There is a plan for my full recovery. Thank you Jesus for breakthrough.

I must express my sincere and profound gratitude for the prayers and support so many have shown me on this app. Salt of the earth people!!!

My Wife has just left after visiting me in the hospital. For the first time in the 3 weeks since my accident, I cried. A wave of grief overwhelmed me.

I have cried and screamed on the inside when the collection of pain meds I am one were insufficient to control the pain.

I have cried on the inside when I think of how so many people, especially my Wife, have willingly stepped up to do the tasks I normally cover.

I have cried when I have fallen through the cracks of the nurses tasks and have been unable to get help from being stranded in my bathroom.

Yet today, it all became too much. I am due to go into full time physio rehabilitation for about 2 weeks but there is a shortage of places at the moment. Once I have completed the rehab I can go home. I won’t be able to drive until next year, I won’t be able to put any weight on the leg until 2026, but at least I will be home.

Crying doesn’t come easy me. Growing up, crying led to physical abuse.

I know this season is time limited. Just right now, I really want to go home.

I thought I should provide a detailed update to explain what’s been happening the past 2 weeks. Almost 2 weeks ago while I was attending a cardio exercise session one of the class members made a very careless error which resulted in me being knocked off my feet and landing badly on the floor. I knew straight away something serious had occurred as I could not move.

An ambulance took me to hospital where I was diagnosed as having a complex tibia fracture. My leg was cast in plaster and I was admitted to a private hospital. In Australia wd have public hospitals where the treatment is completely free but wait times for elective surgery can be over a year, and private hospitals where the standard of care is first class but you will often have “gap” payments even if you are privately insured, which I am.

Two days ago my CT scans were repeated because in spite of being on complete bed rest my pain has been getting worse. The scans showed the fractures need surgical intervention so next week they will operate and use screws and plates to fix my leg.

This means all up I am probably looking at 5 weeks in hospit and a 6k medical bill.

Pain management hasn’t been easy due to many factors and already I am very homesick and tired of the pain.

In all of this I am trying to see the big picture. Thank God I don’t have to go to the public system. My pain has an end date, many people live with pain every day without an exit hope.

One complication is I am not allowed to shave due to the risk of bleeding as I am on blood thinners. Excuse the shocking photo. I look like a fugitive.

God is in control. I am not. This I need to constantly remember.

It’s a week since the ambulance took me to hospital . There is still no definitive discharge date or surgical plan. Right now the focus is trying to get my pain managed.

Today was a rugged day. Physiotherapy was intense and relief from the relentless pain is not working. I want to go home and things go back to normal. My tear stained pillow will hopefully bring peace, relief and hope.