hopehealsinitiative

I was able to think a lot while I was digging today. The pandemic is still going on. I have been fighting off and through depressive episode. Ihave all these creative projects that I’m trying to encourage myself to either begin or finish (I WOULD LOVE TO SHARE THEM W/ YALL! They’re mad encouraging!) I still am wrestling with my #eatingdisorder......AND! All of those things will be there until they are not. I woke up today, prayed, and the first thing I did was go outside and start digging. I didn’t know how long I’d be out there. Didn’t know if I’d finish today. Don’t know when I’ll finish or how fast I’ll work. Didn’t know if the rain would come. Didn’t know if my sister would ditch me because she was tired or reading her book outside, or if my brother would come outside and laugh at me per usual whenever I do cute, therapeutic things. He says playing in dirt and making a mess or being a “lame”. He’s one of my favorite people and he’s hilarious though so it’s okay. So many thoughts, so many worries, and so many... just, like... feelings - so many things outside of my control. You know what was in my control? If I chose to set my one thing to accomplish for the day: taking another step towards cultivating beauty wherever and whenever I can. It may not feel like a lot, but it is significant and important to look for ways to cultivate beauty - whether it be external, like a garden, or internal, like self love or focusing on a character trait you want to develop. There are no small steps. EVERY step is significant! Just like every shovel full of dirt.

Quarantine depression - 0 / Aidee - 1!

#BipolarDepression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #AnorexiaNervosa #BulimiaNervosa #Anxiety #Depression #EatingDisorders #treatment #Recovery #Healing #light #Joy #Hope #Happiness #Gardening #Beauty #sunflowers #Family #COVID19 #quarantine #quarantinethoughts #SocialDistancing #hopehealsinitiative

I’m planting sunflowers and taking suggestions! I planting in the south suburbs of Chicago. What do you beautiful people think I should add to my flower garden? 🌻 💐 🌺 🌸 🌹

Today was day two or working on my garden. I started it last year and only managed to dig a hole 😂 Probs was hypomanic, not sure. Sometimes I try not to diagnose every single thing I feel. My treatment team suggested that I try my best to “ride the wave” (feel my feelings as they come) and not “pathologize” my every emotion. It helps because sometimes when I feel #happy or #sad I can just accept that, let myself feel, and try my best. I notice episodes when these feelings linger. Nevertheless, I am finding ways everyday to keep myself moving and give myself simple things to find joy in and keep myself occupied for at least another 30 days of quarantine.

#Gardening #Garden #Flowers #COVID19 #covidanxiety #SocialDistancing #DBT #DialecticalBehaviorTherapy #CognitiveBehaviorTherapy #Depression #BipolarDepression #EatingDisorders #BulimiaNervosa #Therapy #vitamind #Recovery #hopehealsinitiative

Some days it is so difficult to find joy and push ourselves to use ours skills. On like that do the best you can. Even the small things - hygiene, walks, drinking water, texting a friend or sharing a meme. Today, I ate pancakes, watched church online, cleaned a bit (like picked up some socks lol) and started fixing up the garden I started the other day. I have tons of worries and obligations school and work and purpose related...AND in this moment, I have joy and peace. I won’t fixate on how long it will last. I will simply enjoy this. What is something that gave you joy today?

#Bipolar2Disorder #BipolarDepression #Depression #Recovery #EatingDisorders #BulimiaNervosa #Anorexia #MentalHealth #mentalwellness #Hope #Joy #peace #hopehealsinitiative