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Worth Living For #TWLOHA

How do you deal with a diagnosis that you don't understand?

My doctors are arguing over why my body is failing me at 23. They're arguing over how I'm so sick from #Lupus #BipolarDisorder and #Mitralvalveprolapse

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm 23. I should be living life, finding myself, and falling in love.

Instead, I'm living in hospitals, finding new diagnosis, and resenting myself for having a failing body.

Sometimes, I wish I was never born.

So please tell me:

What are you living for?


I need prayers and healing vibes I saw gi dr they think I have gallstones impeding my bile duct my liver enzymes are still elevated I’m really scared

I have to get an mri on my liver kidneys and pancreas. I am able to eat and no high fever. I’m very scared as I live alone. Who understands how anxiety and ptsd can make a real health crisis that much worse? Have any of you gone through this before? I’m scared and it’s affecting my ptsd and anxiety. Who will pray for me and check in with me? #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #BipolarDepression #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDiorder #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #CPTSD #CPTSDinrelationships #HashimotosThyroiditis #GIDiseases #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS #DatingWithAChronicIllness #diverticulosis #ulcer #CheckInWithMe #Upallnight #Photography #Art #Writing #Mitralvalveprolapse



I’ve had excessive heart pain and off breathing for a while now. This has happened before with my lupus. My resting heart rate the last two has been 90 and above. I don’t know I’m venting. I’m worried. I stay positive most of the time but right now it’s hard. It will bounce back I’m just down right now. #Lupus #Mitralvalveprolapse #MCTD


Anyone with #Mitralvalveprolapse unable to work/go to school?

I got diagnosed in 2014 and since then my symptoms keep getting progressively worse. One doctor i seen said i have every symptom going. Another said 30% of women have this and have no symptoms. Im happy for them but i do! my symptoms affect my everyday life. I keep getting new symptoms as well that aren’t mentioned anywhere for mitral valve so that’s freaking me out too. I’d just really like to know does this little flappy valve put a stop to anyone else’s life? Or is there more going on with my body? #help #Mitralvalveprolapse #Anxiety #Depression #Migraines #ChronicPain


Side effects of betablockers

Anyone there that also experienced or still experiences a lot of weakness and dizziness under continuos betablocker therapy?

At least in my case I don't feel much improvement considered such annoying side effects...

Without the medicine I was having palpitations accompanied by shortness of breath and dizziness many times a day that forced me to lie down to rest and messed up with my daily routine.

And with the medicine this symptoms do not arise, but you feel so weak and unable to do anything physically that you have to lie down for long periods of time that also mess up with my daily routine... that makes me feel like on the age of 80 while I'm still 29...

According to the doctor diagnosis my mitral valve leakage is still mild in doctor terms (although my symptoms occur quite often and not so mild)...

It feels like the real fix is going to be surgery... this medical therapy doesn't seem to be helping much... betablocker + ACE inhibitor daily...

#HeartConditions #betablocker #Mitralvalveprolapse #CardiacAutonomicDysfunction


Horrible ending to this decade.

I’ll put a trigger warning on this just incase. this is my first Christmas all alone (except my two cats of course.) got in a horrible fight with my mum on saturday after she said she couldn’t decide wither to spend christmas with me or her boyfriend (him and i do not get on at all). i ran to my boyfriend crying, he then went and gave out to my mum for upsetting me and it ended up with my boyfriend and my mums boyfriend getting in a fight. my mums boyfriend has now put a death threat on my boyfriend. my boyfriends mum told me to come to theirs for christmas but i don’t want to be a burden. i already ruined their night out on saturday with my family drama. so while i’m seeing videos on instagram and snapchat of families sitting down to watch christmas movies together i’m lying in my bed alone in my house with a horrible stress headache on christmas eve. this is the first christmas i’m not spending with my 90 and 89yr old grandparents. my heart aches so badly for that. i hope everyone else is having a better christmas with low pain and no drama! #ChronicMigraines #ChronicPain #Mitralvalveprolapse #Anxiety #Depression #Undiagnosed

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How would graduate school have been if I wasn’t “sick”?

Sometimes I think to myself how easy graduate school might’ve been if I wasn’t sick. Or if I was diagnosed earlier.

I spent my post-bachelor years in college getting sicker. More chronic pain that I couldn’t figure out the cause of. More migraines. And as a result, more depression.

It made it unbelievably hard to get through graduate school, and although I am now in the process of finally getting diagnosed, I am still not done with graduate school. I am still trying to tread water. It feels like I’m running uphill during an avalanche.

I was tired of living in pain so I saw a doctor. It took multiple attempts, but I was finally diagnosed with hypermobility spectrum disorder, mitral valve prolapse, and severe venous insufficiency after 3 months. I was also ordered to go off my birth control (which I’ve been on for 7 years) and it’s throwing my body off whack. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and put on an antidepressant and beta blockers. I’m still trying to get diagnosed with what I think is worsening hEDS and untreated ADHD.

Remembering what I’m still trying to get diagnosed with reminds me of how hard it has been to keep up with the demands of graduate school, working 3 jobs to make ends meet, and trying to take care of myself, all while living with chronic pain.

I missed a deadline for my thesis and now I’m worried that they won’t let me graduate. That would result in another year of juggling 3 jobs, paying out of pocket for school, and having to pay back my loans. A healthy person couldn’t do this, so why would they expect it from a “sick” person?!

How much easier... would graduate school have been if I wasn’t “sick,” I think to myself. I might’ve graduated by now. I would be with my cohort/peers, already in their careers. I wouldn’t struggle with such guilt and imposter syndrome and struggle just to meet deadlines and ends meet.

How much easier would it have been?

But I’ve gotten this far. And that must count for something.

(Words of motivation are greatly appreciated right now since I am beating myself up over missing that deadline.)

#ADHD #HypermobileTypeEDS #JointHypermobilitySyndrome #HypermobilitySyndrome #AttentionDeficitHyperactivityDisorder #Mitralvalveprolapse #Depression #Anxiety #Fatigue #PTSD #Fibromyalgia #Migraine


Heart attack or not, that is the question...

Had the exact symptoms of a heart attack today, not to mention a heart rate of 44bpm. I felt like I was dying and the docters told me to come in immediately when I phoned them. Turns out my heart is fine and they have no clue what it was that made me so, dizzy, nauseus, breathless and in pain. They said it might just be anxiety, which has never been like this before, or it could just be yet another flare up. I needed to study for the upcoming exams.... 5 in 4 days. And this screwed it all up. Can my body just f#%king pull it together for a week please!! #Lupus #Fybromyalgia #Gastritis #Mitralvalveprolapse #Costochondritis #braininvolvement #strugglingstudent #atleastitwasntaheartattack

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