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#Romance and #NarcissisticAbuse

You took romance away from me
You stole it from my vocabulary
You made me believe that romance meant
You got to get a free pass and
I didn't get to say no
And wasn't it romantic that you
Just kept giving me
What I had never wanted

I took a sick day today and watched some romantic comedy and ended up in a puddle of tears and anxiety. I just can't manage with anything "romantic" and I feel as if I've turned off all possibility of even feeling any attachment at all to anyone for now. Everything about love - even familial or friendship love - feels so unsafe and frightening. I'd just rather have no part in it.

Can anyone relate?

#Romance #romantic #narcissisticabusesurvivor #EmotionalAbuse #Trauma #wasitsexualassault #scared #MightyPoets


#Isolation Is Addictive

I have severe #CPTSD and #Bipolar disorder. I've had zero #Support from others- my family, "friends", etc. my entire life. I am 36. I've had to have a job and work through- to "push through" panic attacks and debilitating #Depression , feeling #suicidal , emotional #Flashbacks , complete overwhelm, and feeling profoundly unsafe in every aspect of my life, and with a "Smile!", on top of it all. And of course all of my illnesses were undiagnosed. According to my therapist at the time, I was "just depressed".

I've done so much on my own.

I've never been too interested in #Dating . I date someone if I happen to meet them, but I don't generally go looking for #romantic #Relationships .

Here is the problem: I don't need them. The relationships, or the men. I'm dating a guy right now and there are issues between us. I am so exhausted from living my life, that I pretty much have no desire to try to "work things out". When I think about the stress that dealing with another person in this way, and trying to "work things out", I feel tired. It seems to me that it's not worth it. So I find myself in this pattern, and this is also where I am with the guy I'm dating: I don't feel like trying to work things out because: I DON'T NEED YOU. I know I don't, for a fact. Maybe a couple of decades ago, if I'd had some help & had been shown that there are people out there who do help, and you don't have to do everything alone, maybe I'd feel differently. But it's been just me, clawing and fighting for so long... this guy I'm seeing now, I'm really considering dropping it. I don't need him- he's never contributed greatly to my life- I don't want these complications.

Intellectually I understand that "no man is an island". Humans are social creatures. We were not meant to be alone. I don't want to be 65yo and alone. But on an emotional level, I'm beyond numb. I've been isolated for so long, it's really all I know. My brain is thinking: "Maybe I should try to work it out with this guy and see what happens." But my feelings say: "You don't need him or this drama. People have done nothing but let you down."
I'm not sure what I'm going to do regarding the gut I'm dating. If I'll try to "work it out"with him, or give him the boot. But I do know this: #Isolation is addictive, and can be detrimental in so many ways.


In the #idealization phase of a #relationship , are #borderlines more susceptible to #manipulation by a #Controlling #Partner ?

In the #pwbpd I know, it seems she is overly eager to follow the #social , #professional , and #financial “rules” of her #romantic #Partner , against her best interests.

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I am a New Year’s Eve Scrooge

As I made breakfast this morning, I was telling my family how New Year’s Eve is my least favorite holiday. For me, it’s a reminder of how time is passing too quickly. I mean we literally count the seconds as time passes!
It also reminds me that the holidays are already over!
There may even be a feeling in some that enough hasn’t been done or we are personally not enough. May I say to you, you are enough and very loved. May any negative feelings of not achieving personal goals only drive you to accomplish them in 2019! We are not on a time schedule. A turtle crosses the finish line just like the rabbit... just in his time.
I’m such a romantic and I’ve always had this vision of celebrating a glam New Years Eve. It’s a catch 22. While I am thankful to be home with by children and like having all my chicks safe under my wing, I desire to have that romantic kiss at midnight as well.
There also tends to be pressures from social media for us to change the world and to be new and improved in the new year.
While we may not change the entire world starting tomorrow, we can change someone’s world by being our best and showing love everyday of every year.
I will be content no matter how we celebrate and whether or not I get that romantic kiss at midnight! .
#Happynewyear #TimeFlies #BeTheChange #Momlife #Momblogger #PositiveVibes #romantic #goals #change #thesearethedays


Frustrated with lack of romantic relationships in my life

I'm 22 and a half and have never had a #romantic #relationship with anyone, ever. I feel like I don't fit in with the rest of my college-aged peers, most of whom have been in at least one romantic relationship at this point. I KNOW it's OK to not have ever been in a relationship before. But I want to have a healthy relationship with someone. Could it be due to #social issues from #Autism ? I feel like I'm not "liked enough" for people to want to be in a relationship with me... I have crushes on various people I know but don't have the guts to tell them or ask them out for coffee. I have a major #Fear of #Rejection as well due to #traumatic history.