stupid

This is exactly how I feel lately. I feel like I know nothing. I don’t know how to eat, how to sleep, how to live. And I also don’t know how to write essays, how to speak with other people and how to discuss simple things. I don’t think the same way as people around me do. I am not smart. I know nothing. I am stupid. It is pretty hard to admit that.
But so what. I can’t know everything, right? I can’t know even most of the existing knowledges, because there are so much to learn in planet Earth. I don’t have a wrong perspective, I have a different perspective. And it enriches the life around me (hopefully). This is the way of thinking, yes! I admit, that I know nothing and that knowledge sets me free.

Apologies for all the nonsense, I just wanted to write down my weird thoughts somewhere else than my journal 😊 there’s a huge fight between rationality and absurdness happening inside me right now. That’s the 50 shades of depression. #Depression #lost #stupid #Weird

I hate crying & feeling #lonely

#Anxiety #Guilty #COVID19
I started having cold symptoms last Monday at first I thought it was my allergies till I realized it was right after my roommate started having symptoms. So I classified it as a cold as mine started two days after hers. I missed one day off my classes but went to the next because I felt better. I did improve a bit throughout the days. But I am still blowing my nose which is my normal colds. But now I’m feeling guilty thinking it was covid and didn’t get tested. That was literally my only symptoms. One of my friends just got tested that I was with but her first symptom was stomach issues. She was trying to get me to test today but I do not know if there would even be a point as it’s been over a week and I literally have one symptom and I don’t think it would be accurate. I just feel very guilty and selfish that I did not get tested earlier I feel like it’s my fault for her getting sick.#stupid #Anxiety Is there anything I can do to prevent me from feeling like this or I can do better?

Does anyone else feel like their mental condition/illness/issue (whatever the hell you wish to call it) STILL gets in the way of them having a happy & healthy relationship?? I always used to say “I’ll never get married and I have no desire to…EVER!” (Because I really didn’t have that desire or to have children for that matter). Recently, I met this awesome guy that I feel might be “the one”. However, I’m still so petty and have SO many toxic traits!! Today, I delete all of our Marco Polo videos and almost (but didn’t) block the dude on FB because I felt like he didn’t respond to my text because he didn’t like my response (MY assumption). That alone makes me feel like I’m incapable of ever having a healthy and sustainable, long-lasting relationship. I literally wear peppermint socks the way I keep putting my foot in my mouth!!!! Ugh. I feel hopeless. I’m not alone though, right?!
#manicdepression #MDD #Anxiety #Bipolar #NSSI #hopeless #help #Depression #Trauma #hurt #stupid #Pointless #suicidal