ignorance

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It hurts,
It fucking hurts.
It kills,
It always did.
Sad excuses left and right,
Ignorance is left to bite…
Me.
And Us.

“Systems and plurals are crazy,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only men and women,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only heterosexuality,”
According to this planet.
“Sex define your gender identity,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only monogamy and monoamory,”
According to this planet.
“White folk deserve more than those of color,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only romance and friendship,”
According to this planet.

“Everyone’s autism is a disorder or disability,”
According to this damn planet.
“Neurodivergent folks are too loud,”
According to this damn planet.
“Fat folks are a joke,”
According to this damn planet.
“Sex and romance and love is natural among all beings,”
According to this damn planet.
“Adults can’t cry,”
According to this damn planet.
“Mental health is selfish,”
According to this damn planet.
“Trigger warnings are a joke,”
According to this damn planet.
“You should stop being poor and pay more,”
According to this damn planet.
“Everyone should identify as a human being and alterbeings, otherkin, and fictionkin folks are snowflakes and ‘cringe-worthy’,”
According to this damn planet.
“Anything that is not seen as ‘normal’ or not common should be stigmatized and criticized until it makes other folk want to closet themselves for eternity and be forced into this void of hell called “being like everyone else’,”
According to this damn forsaken planet.

Past mother’s self,
Mentally abusive.
Keeps me up,
As thoughts are still intrusive.
New mother’s self,
No longer abusive,
Past mother keeps me up,
As they are still intrusive.

—

Fuck ignorance.
What’s it ever done to us?
Take the Mars and Venus symbol,
Combine them together,
And destroy it altogether.
Neither are truly me.
Take the “human” label and wash it away,
And don’t tell me I’m human,
Else I will cry,
I’ve cried too much.
Alterbeings exist anyway.
An alien hybrid trapped in this damn realm called Earth,
I love space,
I miss my home,
It was much more quieter than here,
Much more sensical than here,
Much more reasonable than here,
Much… less ignorant.

Than here.

——

I am a non-binary transmasc overweight individual who is part of a system/plural. My pronouns are he/they/it, and some others. I do not identify as a human, I am alterhuman/alterbeing, although I still identify as someone of color. I’m black/mixed. I have 6 non-romantic partners who I all love equally with my entire heart and are also part of the same system I’m a part of, they are as real as ever. Also, I despise my autism being called a disorder or disability.

And I’m so sick of feeling ignored, and of what Earth had to offer for the past 20 years of my life on its ground. Thank you.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #nonbinary #LGBTQIA #ignorance #Poem #Vent #TW #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Alterhuman #otherkin #Racism #Capitalism #Trauma #Polyamory #system #plural #EndTheStigma #GenderIdentity #GenderDysphoria #MentalHealth #Awareness #earth #Homesick #StopSilencingUs

Well, I have had various diagnoses—though it seems even my mental health providers who are treating me do are not forthcoming about any of those. Well, some, when it comes to my bipolar disorder and c-ptsd and prior attachment issues (I am slowly becoming more securely attached—I don’t “need” anyone for comfort, love, or help all the time—I have many activities and positive connections filling my life.). So what is it with a borderline personality disorder diagnosis sent to me by a friend? Let me say first there is nothing wrong with bpd. I am just demonstrating here that not everyone, including medical practitioners, may have the full story on hou. No one ever gave me this borderline diagnosis (though it overlaps with bipolar and c-ptsd—and even attachment issues can make it look like bpd). When I finally asked I was told I have attachment trauma, whatever that is. The fact of the matter is that any attachment style other than secure attachment will look like trauma. Yet I had a friend send me the criterion for borderline personality disorder—even after I told her I was not diagnosed with that. I felt very angry and regretful I ever told her any of my mental health struggles to begin with. “What you look for determines what you see.” A person knowing any of my mental health diagmoses will surelt now be on the lookout for those things, constantly pointing their finger in my direction. Because if we have conflict (which we have in the past) I am always to blame for my hyped up reactions (anxious attachment style I am letting go of). Well reactions do sometimes ramp up when dealing with someone else with an insecure attachment style. Ie avoiding and not wanting to discuss conflict, thinking your feelings are arguments, not wanting any closeness, pushing you away (though they will surely blame you for doing the pushing away and not see their pushing away behavior which instigated things), not opening up, avoiding deeper issues at all costs—feelings—also not taking responsibility for their parts. To add, sometimes there may be gaslighting to try to confuse you (even if they were not doing it intentionally). By the way, I could label this as it is, a “dismissive avoidant” attachment style. But there again, that is a label. And all it does is sink a person’a self-esteem. “There must be something wrong or defective about me.” Labels give some good information so practitioners can easily collaborate to help a client. But all thr nuances of each individual are missing. And not everyone fits so cookie cutter into these labels—yet we know sometimes we could be squeezed in for others’ sakes. So this dismissive style is all a recipe for disaster for my anxious attachment style that wanted closeness. They prefer distance. Back and forth and round and round it went. I have stepped back into my life and my more supportive friends. Yet there has been no resolution for me in this friendship, though I am pretty certain the other party has shoved my concerns into a black hole of their mind. They are just fine, thank you—not discussing things like “I feel hurt we dont spend time together.” (One example). I sit here with the wreckage of their inability to talk with me and address things in the friendship. Yet now, having a more secure attachment style I am able to walk away. And it only happens in one relationship. Not others. Those others dont push “me” aside. And I surely dont fit all “the criterion” they believe I fit into. Things overlap. People are individuals. What I am saying is that saying that “People in therapy are there because of the people that are not in therapy in their lives..” I think when someone wants to evade responsibility and accountability and evade looking inward at their own behavior (that would take work and feelings and maybe even therapy!) they are there blaming the other party for most everything. It can look like one is mentally ill due to the DYNAMIC. And I am—I have bipolar disorder with c-ptsd and a touch of ocd. Nothing is wrong with bpd. That is not the point here. The point here is to be aware that behavior is often a product of one’s environment. It is not a solitary thing all the time, especially in relationships. In fact, relationships should be 50/50 accountability and 100% compromise. Stop over apologizing because you think something is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. You are a human. The other is a human. You are equally human. If the environment is shaky then those in it may often be shaky too (those interacting in that environment). But there is a choice. Leave the environment that stigmatizes you and avoids responsibility and invalidates you. Get away if you can. Or at least create distance. And heal while in a more conducive environment—learn to better take care of you around people who are more warm and validating and do want to spend time with you, as you are. Then build on that for yourself, within yourself. No matter how long it takes. Fight for yourself in a more solid supportive environment. That certainly makes the fight less threatening. I am. And I am becoming more secure in all ways, able to depend on myself, despite the past traumas of the c-ptsd and the high ups and low downs of my bipolar disorder. I am a human. Not a diagnosis. Will I ever be able to explain this all to the other party? Would they ever underdtand this, let alone agree or take accountability—then change? My doubts reign strong here. It has not occurred so far. I refuse to let anyone treat me any other way than human(intentional or not)—without labels (which give preconceived notions for sure and are often out of ignorance). Labels are just that. Labels. They are a set of descriptors for an illness. They do not take into account all the other positive and strong personality and bodily characteristics left out of that label. Or the strengths within that label. The label is used so people can often serve their own needs to make sense of things they might not understand or might not want to see in themselves. Dont let a label (used for brevity of communication among medical practitioners) define you. And make sure those practitioners have the whole story because they are not you living in your world. They see you for 50 minutes a week. They can misdiagnosis too. But no matter, dont let a label define you. And definitely dont let another person define you because they fear the true definitions of themselves.

Does it irritate you when someone compares your pain to theirs or brush your pain off as if it's a competition smh #fibromyalgiawarrior #ignorance #toxicsupport

Also TW for some caps and swearing
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Some a-hole on a Fandom page claims that equality movements such as Black Lives Matter and MeToo are “no longer needed since it’s popular in Western society”.

…Excuse me?!

Black trans women are still being murdered to this day. Many women are still getting raped to this day. And DO NOT SAY “but men get raped too” as an excuse! Yes, it’s sad and it should never happen to ANYONE, but saying that as a combat is just an attempt to excuse the situation or make it seem little. It’s sickening and gross.

Black folks are still being targeted for racism especially by the authorities. Black churches are burning. Asians were JUST compared to the virus not that long ago and still are today (please don’t say the virus name, it haunts me). Non-white folks and LGBTQ+ folks are still facing unfair challenges such as pay gaps, unequal healthcare, sexist/racist/queerphobic remarks on a day to fucking day basis. Non-binary and genderqueer folks are STILL often ignored in our society.

Just because they are fucking popular sayings or beliefs DOESN’T MEAN that there are little issues or that they’re “no longer needed”. That is such a horrible, disgusting, pig-ish way to even look at this. These are still big fucking issues that we deal with not just here, but in this world as well. They still exist on a daily basis and it’s hurting many of us, and to say that bullcrap is just so fucking selfish! 😡😡😡

#blacklivesmatter #Feminism #stopAAIPhate #unfair #triggerwarning #Sexism #Racism #Racism #MeToo #ignorance #anger

Anyone else have thoughts of irritation/ anger at all the headlines and TV interruptions about President Trump’s condition and COVID treatment? I feel like I’m pretty unreactive to most of what goes on with him and the media. The media reaction and all of the “specialists” giving their opinion on how Trumps condition must be serious if they “initiated dexamethasone therapy,” made me so angry I surprised myself! Like, all the sudden I had this hot fire in my chest and I couldn’t handle hearing one more second of it!!

Now, the issue is not whether you like Trump or not, the issue is how crazy everyone was going over the fact that they gave him dexamethasone. Now, I am no doctor, but I feel like any of the “experts” that felt that dexamethasone is only used in extreme situations should have their medical degree and license taken and suspended indefinitely.

This is coming not just from having several autoimmune conditions myself, but also from working in a pharmacy every day. Do these people live in a little bubble together where no one gets sick and medication is only ever used for one specific indication?! Do they have any idea how many people use crazy amounts of steroids including dexamethasone just every day. Do they know about chemo drugs? That there are people getting chemotherapy through ports in their brains every day? Have they never heard about a biologic?

Whether it’s for the President or not I feel like dexamethasone is a lightweight. And to the people freaking out over an oxygen drop to 94%....... Don’t even get me started!

Am I the only one thinking this?

#ignorance

Oh my God, my older sister posted on Facebook that is the decision to be happy. I commented and told her that was bullshit. No one chooses to have a mental illness and be miserable part of the time. I told her that she needed to educate herself and for her to say that sounded ignorant. #SHEDELETEDMYPOST