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My struggle

I have been struggling, so I decided to post to my blog and themighty. I have been struggling to find the courage to post again and pick up with my blog because of the judgement of others. Thanks you to all that read my post on here or my blog. IT truly means a lot to me that I have a way to expression what I am going through.

I have been away for a long time, six months of it from being in jail, but after getting out the last two months have been struggling with who I am and how I will find the ability to get self esteem and live in a society that continues to judge me.

Mental health is a tough thing to deal with. Made even harder to deal with when done alone. An even harder in a society where people see you based on a single mistake you made in your life. I have lost more friends than I can either count or remember. I have one friend left, but over the past two months I feel like that friendship has drifted away too. I have tried to make new friends, but unfortunately that isn’t easy for me because so many people judge me based upon a mistake that happened last year. I wish I could make just one friend, one friend that will be there to help me through my mental health struggles when they come, someone that will be there for me on the best and worst days. Man do I wish I had a friend. I keep telling myself one day I will have a friend like that. Over the past month bad things keep happening to people in my life and I can’t help feeling all the bad that is happening to them is directly a result of how horrible of a person I am. My mind keeps going back to the 250 plus Facebook messages from people I knew and didn’t know when my life went to crap last year telling me I am horrible and should rid the world of a horrible person. Over the past month I hit a deer with my dad’s car, my dog developed a growth in her mouth and needs surgery and I don’t know how I am going to pay for it, and now today a local grocery store is accusing my mom of theft for forgetting an item on the bottom of her cart. Part of me has a bad feeling about my mom and that suicide on her mind. I don't want to lose my mom and be without a mom and friends. And my friend that I have but I feel is drifting away went on a trip and had her engine blow. I just can’t help feeling being related or associated with me is having my karma brought against them. I am honestly a mess and just feel I am bad for everyone and everything. This is why I wish I had a friend to talk too.

#Bipolar #Suicide #MentalHealth #struggling #felon #postprison #postjail #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #needafriend

July 21, 2023 - Bipolar Tater

I have been away for a long time, six months of it from being in jail, but after getting out
3 reactions 1 comment

I don’t have many friends and I’m really lonely I used to message my partner all the time and I guess became codependent would anyone be my friend?

Hi sorry I’m going through a tough time everything in life is wrong right now and I’m just trying to survive and start from zero again. Would anyone be ok being friends or checking in on each other from time to time ? DM Chat or comments ? Thank you if you don’t mind, I’m really struggling and need to reach out for help,

Gonna do my best to check out counselling if free or something I could afford as I’m unemployed and struggle to keep a job. Thank you for any kind words or anyone who doesn’t mind checking on each other everyone now and then. It would mean a lot during this hard time. Thank you everyone, and any help really means so much. #Selflove #Trying #Pain #inpain #Crisis #Tryinghard #hurt #anger #disappoinent #Unexpected #breakup #notcopingwell #ThankYou #lonely #friend #praying #hopeallworksout #ThankYou #reminders #Anxiety #Trying #future #Fear #Pain #Depression #help #self -help #needtobestrong #counselling #reachout #cheerup #DistractMe #needafriend

19 reactions 10 comments


im feeling really hopeless and on the edge. im not sure who to reach out to. I need to reach out and talk to someone. #Anxiety #Depression #needafriend


I need a friend. Am I blowing this out of proportion? #needadvice #needafriend #

This is the situation. I realize that I may have made a mistake during a vulnerable time for me. I have no relationship with my millennial daughter, an only child, for nearly a decade. With my ill health, I am naturally worried for f&f over COVID. I saw a great video on cleaning & disenfecting from Melissa Maker and started sharing it. I shared it w/ her sharing that I hope she is well. I am stunned by her response. ‘All is well, just got back from vacation w/ Nana and btw we now have 2dogs.’ No question or display of concern for me or my health. As though we just spoke yesterday. As she shares photos of vacation and her dogs, I txt a short msg ending with God bless us everyone b/c I needed her to stop sharing.

I am a breast cancer survivor. Having just had a painful procedure on Monday after asking dr if it could be delayed due to virus - so, yes I am emotionally drained.

After trying to reach my therapist- no luck- I am reaching out to you in this safe space and community. I am in tears. I am trying to get a grip but am struggling. your suggestions please?


Feeling lonely #needafriend

Needing someone to talk to. I have this feeling of loneliness I don’t understand.

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I smile to hide my tears

If you met me, you'd think I was this great person who could make you smile or laugh thru anything. I mean I laugh and I talk about everything. But when the people leave and the phone stops ringing...I am left with feeling alone & overwhelmed. I get tired of always being the go to person to pick someone else up. I get tired of being the single parent. I get tired of always being financially unfit. Yeah my kids are kinda sad because there isn't a tree up or gifts out. Having no money will do that to you.
I get tired of always being the one. But the moment I isolate myself, then I am bombarded with all of the are you ok questions...No, Martha... I am not ok. I want to cry all the dang time. I feel empty inside. I don't even feel as loved as people should feel. I can't even sustain a healthy relationship with anyone because they all leave...I mean I thought I was so great...oh just not that great.

I mean everyone wants the class clown but noone wants to really know who I am. And you know if God said your time is now I wouldn't even be mad...I probably wouldn't even care because my mind would be at peace. Before you say it, yes, I pray, but I still feel the same way. I am just in a funk and I am rambling, I guess. I just would prefer to talk to people who can relate to how I feel and not have to always explain how or why I am feeling a certain way when I don't even know why I feel this way all of the time.

Comment if you can relate or just feel like sharing how you feel.
#Depression #SuicideSurvivor #struggling #needafriend #Anxiety #disconnected