nooneunderstands

I guess since its Valentines day, my chronic illnesses need to take the day off according to my hubby. Wish that were possible. #nooneunderstands #Fibromyalgia #ChronicFatigue

What do you do when you feel like the only person to understand and support you is your therapist? I have parents who love me but are elderly and my mom has early signs of dementia. I have three siblings who tell me mental illness is uncomfortable to talk about and that is why they don’t reply when I reach out. I separated from my husband in May, he told me the day after coming home from a ten day psych hospital stay that I wasn’t “keeping my promises” about doing better. I have seven children, three of whom are adults, two of them stopped speaking to me saying I’m faking for attention. One I’m currently staying with and she understands some yet I don’t want to be her burden. I have three close friends, one whom I cannot easily contact. The other two tend to panic or try to “fix” things, I know their intentions are good and it also isn’t helpful. Then again who wants to hear about my latest breakdown? I feel like a burden because I’m in crisis or struggling so often. I’ve spent the past two days in bed. I didn’t eat until about an hour ago and have been crying non stop for almost the same amount of time. I feel so alone. I’ve emailed my therapist twice today, twice yesterday. He allows that and understands sometimes it’s just to vent as he knows my support circle is small. How do you talk to friends and family? How do you open up to them when you are struggling, especially when to them it’s probably like “Here we go again!”! I hate mental illness! Right now I hate myself too! I hate being so needy and sensitive, so emotional! Just how many times can one person cry on someone’s shoulder before it gets old? I text the crisis text line a lot, I feel like too much. Someone else may need the time I’m taking up. Yet in those moments I truly and overwhelmed and lonely and scared and in pain. I’m always in pain. I had been hoarding pills I don’t take anymore, a backup plan if you will a plan with no specific timing. I told my therapist yesterday as I felt guilty about it, I promised to get rid of at least one bottle of pills. They’re still sitting there on my table at the end of my bed. I couldn’t get out of my bed much less leave the apartment. Now they’re taunting me. Tomorrow’s my daughter’s 15th birthday, I can’t do that to her. I ruined it last year by being on the psych floor and coming home that day. I don’t really want to die, I just don’t want to keep going like this. I don’t want to keep either feeling like a burden or struggling alone. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of struggling and I’m tired of feeling so alone and desperate. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #Trauma #Lonliness #nooneunderstands #emotionalpain #SuicidalThoughts #Burden #struggle #tired #CharcotMarieToothDisease #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS

Turns out I'm too fucked up to deal with fucked up people who don't notice you're fucked up too!!
Life is so complicated!! And everyone thinks they're the only ones suffering in the world!! #Lifesucks #nooneunderstands #you 'reonyourown

I’ve struggled with #PTSD & #Depression (etc) for 10 years since being #beaten & suffering a #TraumaticBrainInjury (etc).
One year ago I found a new psychiatrist and FINALLY saw improvement with his regiment of carefully adjusted #medications.
3 days ago I was glancing through local news when I saw a mugshot of my #Psychiatrist ⁉️⁉️ Arrested for forging #Prescriptions ⁉️ (Again❓)
A history of #DUI ⁉️ And charged in the past with #DomesticViolence ⁉️
I’m not angry. I don’t condemn him.
I sorrowfully prayed for him that evening even though I was trembling with a panic attack.
#nooneunderstands I feel insecure, scared, unstable, vulnerable, dreadful, anxious, and lost again.
How would you feel being told “all is not lost”, “you’re strong, it’ll be ok”, “that sucks”, “he’s just your med prescriber, it’s your therapist that really matters”, and “just tell your next dr to keep you on the same meds”.
#doyouunderstand me❓

Today I learned my husband of almost 4years is carrying on an affair for at least 3mos that I know of.... today I had to go to a training for my job and god forbid I leave my brother and husband for one night their world collapse... I am so tired of being the strong one. I’m tired of acting like every thing is ok. Because it’s not and I’m not that strong I’ve just learned from my horrible childhood to put a poker face one. If they could only see what’s going on in my head... I feel like no one understands me
#Bipolar1 #Whyamilikethis #nooneunderstands

Aside from all the personal emotional things I’m going through I’m also dealing with work related stuff. It’s interesting how having a hard time at work can become soooo overwhelming in my head. I just think about it over and over and over like there’s no way out of it. I feel no one understands how stressful my thoughts can be, I guess this is what anxiety is all about. #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Anxiety #overwhelmed #nooneunderstands #alone