painful

What can I say about this bad pain day except im #Humbled to be in your presence. Am I startled and #hurt that you are here? Absolutely. Do I wish you were gone? 100% for sure.

In spite of that, today, I'm #choosing to #learn from you.

You see, I know I won't be able to do much today. However, I still have a house to maintain. I still have a dog to take care of. I still have to take care of #Myself .

You see, I choose to take this #painful #experience and try to see what all I can do on this day, knowing it won't be much if anything at all. I still walk today with the mindset of how much can I achieve on a day like today?

Not all days will be this rough, but as of today, I have #Hope .

May your days shine bright with hope 💜

I’m just very sad; I’m on a cruise to the Mexican Rivera and I’m feeling lost and out of place. I’m with 6 other people, including my husband and my younger daughter and her boyfriend. I’m glad to meet him for the first time. We all agreed that it’s better to meet now than at my older daughter’s future passing. She (my oldest daughter,) has metastatic stage 4 breast cancer. She continues to act as though us, her parents are dead. For reasons known to us, she’s walled us off and out of her life.
Last night my younger daughter said she didn’t know if we’d ever meet in Columbus OH, where both our daughters now live. I simply said, “If I want to go to Columbus to see you, and him, I will!” She didn’t understand how that would be possible for me, knowing that my older child also resides in that city. She said that she imagined that would be really painful, like having ones heart ripped out not to be able/free to see my oldest child. What damn difference does it make? The older one won’t communicate with us now, anyway. I had a shitty nights sleep thinking about how nasty and spiteful that the older one is playing this game..She’s holding people hostage by her illness! My older sister is also enjoying torturing us, by being in either buddy,buddy league, or substitute Mom status, with my older daughter. -Never mind that they hadn’t spoken or communicated for at least 15 or 16 years! Now she’s my daughter’s favorite aunt! What the hell did I do to deserve such outright disrespect and lousy treatment, from those I Love and care about? It’s just all really nasty and crappy..My husband doesn’t feel this way. He thinks it’s ok that our daughter has shunned us, since she’s always been difficult and problematic. He thinks my sister, who I see as opportunistic and definitely having narcissistic tendencies, might be helping our cause? My thought is that with my sister’s recent post card from Columbus, that she visited my daughter there, is outright mean. The post card didn’t say this, but it felt like this: I’m in Columbus because your daughter flew me here to see her! I have your daughter’s Love and affection and you don’t!
I’m thinking I should write my sister a postcard from a destination where my sister and I had talked about going to. I should write..”Having a lovely time, glad you’re not with us!” I know it’s petty, but she’s beyond annoying to me.
I’m just writing all this while we’re at sea. Trying to rid myself of some of emotions and thoughts I can’t outwardly express. Life sucks. #depressed #PerfectlyHiddenDepressedPerson #PTSD #feelings #painful #Emotion #Cancer #Family #heartstab over and over again..I’m in counseling to help process some of my feelings. But the hurt runs deep.

Wanting to know if anyone gets these. Orginally I use to get these muscle spasms that I think are in my arms or legs. Now in my #hands as well
They are extremely #painful and tend to happen when I am extremely tired, hadn’t slept or needing sleep.

Now they seem to be happening more frequently and violently. I may be on the couch watching tv and all of a sudden my body will violently #Jerk . I may be holding my cell phone and it flies out of my hands (this happens often).

After it happens I’m wide awake because it is extremely painful.
It reminds me of like when you #fall #asleep and you dream that you fall. You wake up because your #body jerks but it is normally not painful.

It’s not the same as when you get a #Muscle spasm in your #back or #legs it’s more like the #whole #body #spasms . Does anyone understand what I’m talking about??? Or get this feeling? Thank you #Gentlehugs #warriors

I woke up yesterday morning at around 5am. I was still lying ina very tight feral position on my right side with my head tucked in. I’d been in that position since I fell asleep 7-8 hours ago. As I ever so slowly started to move my incredibly stiff joints I felt a sudden sharp and intense pain go from the right side of the back of my skull through to the right side of my forehead. The more I moved the worse it became.

Just moving my eyes, blinking and slightly turning my head made it feel like my brain was melting. My scalp felt like it was far too tight to fit my skull and the back of my neck was so swollen and stiff.

Whilst trying my hardest not to move my head or my eyes very much I grabbed paracetamol, ibuprofen and Rizatriptan. I took each med with just a sip of water and immediately felt like I was going to projectile vomit. I added some Cyclizine to try and keep the nausea at bay. And then I slowly laid my head back on the pillow and waited. After about 20minutes the room stopped spinning, but it felt like my back of my head was being crushed and as sunlight started to stream through my window it only got worse.

I pulled the covers up over my eyes and waited some more. After two hours my head was still killing me and I was feeling sick again. So I took another Rizatriptan, per the instructions on the label. And I sucked on sugar free polos to help with the nausea.

After another 45minutes moving my eyes and head became just about bearable. I grabbed a can of Coke Zero that was near my bed and sipped on it so the caffeine in it could help lessen the pain, which works surprisingly quickly.

Finally, at 11:20am I noticed that the migraine was pretty much gone. It was a very scary and painful 6hours. Even today I’m still feeling incredibly nauseous. I’ve only been able to nibble at food and sip my drinks. That was definitely the worse migraine of my life.

#chronicillnesswarrior #POTS #EDS #BPD #NAFLD #InterstitialCystitis #Diabetes #Migraines #nausea #CRPS #painful #scary