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#crutches #embrace #Selfacceptance #coffee #ChronicFatigue

I make no apologies for my crutches I use to help my #ChronicPain , #Depression & #Fatigue . in fact I embrace them & am very grateful for them. #Caffeine #cigarettes #vitaminb-12 (I'd smoke #MedicalMarijuana ( was approved. over a year ago in April & even have a card ) but #THC messes with my #Schizophrenia & I get tense , intense, #stressed & #anxious , & sometimes even slightly #Paranoid . So I suffer taking meds for #Pain that are actually psyche #meds that hardly make a dent. (#Gabapentin ) #my Life #sucks so the ppl that #criticize & put me #down for smoking cigs can go to heck for voicing their #ignorant #Judgemental #opinions . which they so freely #Voice regarding my smoking & high #Caffeine intake. I am not afraid of #Death & in fact , welcome & #Pray for it, have felt this way all my life. Ppl need to face their own #Demons , faults & weaknesses instead of constantly distracting themselves by getting into other ppls business. I #ignore them . I am #Deaf to their assinine stayements. I #mentally float away & I do what #helps my #Nerves (I inherited bad nerves (#physical AND #emotional ) & that helps me cope with a #Life I #live as a #Prisoner doing time. It's just a waiting #Game , Just A matter of #time .


Inside looking out.

She listens to the wind rustle outside her window.
The breeze catches her hair and tickles her ears with a slight blast of cold air.
She looks outside her window to see the leaves changing to beautiful fall colors.
She catches the light in her eyes.
She welts up.
She curls into a ball weeping so loudly it echos through the neighborhood.
She's a prisoner.
Trapped inside looking out.
Wanting to feel freedom again.

#MightyPoets #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Emotions #Trapped #Prisoner #MentalHealthAwareness #Disassociative #Poetry #Poem #poet


I’m not a child

They say there approachable but all they do is try to command me like I’m a child. I’m 20 years I can think for myself. I’m not allowed to be alone in my own space. If I sit in the basement for peace and quiet they yell at me. They want to have strings on me but when I try to stop them they lose it. There like nazis. Why is it that where I’m supposed to feel at home I’m in a concentration camp. I always think the only way to break free from this prison is if I kill who’s in control. Maybe I should. I do everything right but when a pillow is even slightly off I’m the worst person in the world. I’m coming close to ruining them. I’ve held out for so long due to my love for my family but I guess I should do it. I don’t care anymore. I want to live my way and not in there dictatorship.
I feel like there is a war that has 3 battles being fought. One battle is me trying to resist my urge to eat a bullet and it’s back and forth constantly. My second is a battle to stay sane and not murder my father and step-mom. It’s a difficult battle because I live with them but no one else will let me live with them and my god I feel my inner demons clawing there way out. And the final battle and most difficult one is trying to get them to understand my issues but they resist beyond my reach so it seems like a losing battle. The last battle is why this war in my head continues on. It makes me hostile to them but all I want is to feel like I’m home in my childhood home but it has now become my cage in hell.
I only wish that I could fell content with my life but my problems make me think I’ll end up like my sister. Dead. She was an angel who brightened the dullest hearts but she had her problems and heroin was the down fall that got her in a situation where she was murdered. I hate myself for seeing that heroin problem and knowing she would die. I wish I was wrong but I guess life has a cruel way of not giving you second chances.
I just wish my hard work went noticed but it never does. I have never subdued to drugs and I guess that’s a strength but I don’t know how long I can hold on. I know it’s bad but she tempts me I just have to hold on I have to for my siblings and mom.
#anger #Anxiety #Prisoner