Common Variable Immune Deficiency

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How “ The Trolley Problem” Relates To My Experience With Life Threatening Rare Disease

The “ Trolley Problem “ has been on my mind all day today …

It’s probably because , As I should have predicted yesterday’s infusion of 4mg of IV Copper ( instead of my usual 2mgs ) to treat my dangerously low copper levels that just won’t seem to rise .

Has not been my friend 🤢.

I’m one who hates to be still . But Ive spent all day in my bed sleeping or watching tv .

As I’ve been nauseous , felt like my throat and entire body has been attacked by sand gnats , I’ve had body aches beyond control , and exhaustion belief .

My nerdy little brain has been thinking over and over abb“ The Trolley problem “

If you don’t know what that is Wikipedia states that

“ The trolley problem is a series of thought experiments in ethicsand psychology, involving stylized ethical dilemmas of whether to sacrifice one person to save a larger number.”

I thought of how relates with some of the treatments I’ve had

With the big car being my future . Then current me would be tied to the tracks , completely and utterly being held against my will .

When I first started oral chemo ( for my connective tissue disease ). , my hair started falling out and my head rarely left the inside of a toilet .

My IVIG I need to stay alive due to my CVID has tried to kill me multiple times , and still tries to ,
( It causes anaphylactic reactions thanks to my Mast Cell Activation Syndrome )

And the reaction I’m having to copper on this higher dose is everything an IVIG reaction minus the part where my throat closes off ( thank goodness )

Often it feels like I’ve had to a sacrifice what I want my life to be , So that big train can drive through

Sometimes we have to sacrifice the comfort and convenience we CRAVE now ( often leaving us feeling like we got hit by a train )
So big beautiful things can “arrive “ to our future

And in my case , so I can have a future at all .

So here is to suffering , that leads us to a big beautiful someday

Keep going ❤️

#RareDisease #copperdeficency #Infusion #MastCellActivationDisorder #CommonVariableImmuneDeficiency #MixedConnectiveTissueDiseaseMCTD #IVIG

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Does managing your illness(es) feel like a full-time job?

I’ve got all my specialist appointments scheduled for the new year now that my deductible has hopefully been met. Time to start pursuing treatment plans, procedures, diagnoses, etc. It starts all over again. Back on the phone being a secretary. The trips to Atlanta are often extraneous too. It’s exhausting being chronically ill & there’s no paid leave or vacation time from it. I just wish I could escape it all somehow. It feels like everything falls on the patient. I’ve worked very hard organizing a team of Emory doctors so they’ll communicate with one another better over my care. It hasn’t been easy because I’m a uniquely “difficult” case due to my PI or primary immunodeficiency on top of everything else. I can’t just take biologics & steroids all the time because it lowers my ability to fight infections & I’m already prone to them. That’s why I receive monthly plasma infusions. It just makes pursuing my other rare diagnosis that much more difficult since I don’t produce my own antibodies. I need the official diagnoses so I can reapply for SSI again. It’s just so costly being this sick & disabled. I’m over it. How do you bear the burden of it all? I rely so much on my spouse & immediate family for support. I can’t even drive myself anymore. I want my independence & health back. Unfortunately, the older you get the more our immune systems get depleted. I’m determined to continue on fighting & advocating for myself. Thanks for having me in the Mighty community. It means a lot to have a place to come to that understands. #Spoonie #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #RareDisease #Sarcoidosis #Arthritis #CommonVariableImmuneDeficiency #PTSD #MentalHealth #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

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WISHING YOU A HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY! ☘️

Be a lucky charm for the primary immunodeficiency community by donating plasma today! IMMUNE DEFICIENCY FOUNDATION #RareDisease #CommonVariableImmuneDeficiency

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Primary Immunodeficiencies (PI) are a group of more than 450 rare diseases.

An estimated 1 in 2,000 people are diagnosed with a primary immunodeficiency in the United States. This makes PI a #RareDisease . With PI, part of the body’s immune system is missing or doesn’t function.🦓 #RareDisease #ChronicIllness #CommonVariableImmuneDeficiency

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Please keep me in your thoughts & prayers?

I’m super nervous for my chest port study I’m having done to find out why it’s not working. #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #CommonVariableImmuneDeficiency

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Where do you find joy in life?

Happy throwback Thursday, to happier times, when I was still able-bodied! I was in my early twenties & this was at the park. I had given birth to two girls before getting sick. Well, before being diagnosed I should say! I’ve been sick most of my young life. It just wasn’t until later on that it became more readily apparent. I used to love the outdoors & grew up near a lake. I was always very adventurous & outdoorsy growing up. It was my refuge. Now I’ve been entirely cut off & rarely if ever venture out. I stay isolated in my dark bedroom with little to no stimulation. My only access to the outside world is an iPhone. Ever since getting it a couple years ago my hands became deformed from arthritis. I have swan neck deformaties in my right hand & dupuytren’s contracture in the left. My elbows stay permanently bent & I have ankylosis of the shoulders. I have visited many orthopedic surgeons & upper extremities specialists to no avail. I have lost so much range of motion & mobility from chronic widespread inflammation. I’ve been trying to seek an official diagnosis for Sarcoidosis on top of my other rare disease. It’s very disheartening. #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Spoonie #CommonVariableImmuneDeficiency #Arthritis #ankylosis #Anxiety #Depression #Agoraphobia #BipolarDisorder #MentalHealth

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