I was in church when someone said stuff that was really triggering and I screamed the f word at her. I proceeded to call her a rich spoilt brat who leeches off her parents 🙃
The reason I was triggered was bc in knowing that I'm unemployed & not drawing an income, she asked me to cut my expenditure by finding things I can do without - & when I mentioned my highest mandatory cost being therapy, she said "you know my stand on therapy .." which in a prior conversation years ago - she saw it then as something which does not produce lasting behavioural change as a man-made tool, the only way to produce lasting change is when God's Word changes you. She even cited herself by saying that in a down period, she prayed & cried with loved ones instead of seeking therapy. This was a few years back, I just came to realise the goalpost has since shifted.
ANYWAY. Woman tatts on this to my cell grp leaders who in turn tell this to my cell grps pastor.
We met the pastor - me, my two cell group leaders, & the person I called names at. It started as like a words thing for what I called her -- I'm not sure if it has entirely warped itself to spiritual abuse?
For other reference also: 10 Things You Should Know about Church Discipline
This ^ article was very helpful, in particular points #7 & #9 . For disclosure, pastor took me out of my cell group as "punishment".
"9. Churches must take great care against abuses of discipline.
Church discipline can become abusive in a number of ways: leaving the decision in the hands of one or a few instead of the whole congregation; relying on regulated processes instead of individual pastoral care; being characterized by a fundamentalistic mindset that’s uncomfortable with the tensions which are inevitable in a fallen world and insisting that every problem gets tied up with a nice bow; or possessing an unbalanced and unbiblical concept of authority."
I explained, in our meeting, the tension between where I am, where I am required to be, and where I have come. I was told by one of my cell grp leaders (with the other in agreement), that there are no percentages in this - either I am sorry (100%), or I am not (0%) Would it be fair to say that requiring me to be fully sorry .. is a clash of "insisting that every problem gets tied up with a nice bow", per the article states? Church talks about not being perfect, but moving in the right direction. I do think, in this conflict, I am moving in the direction that the Bible calls for and God desires. I think requiring me to be fully sorry immediately .. is a clash of "insisting that every problem gets tied up with a nice bow" - ??!?
I call out on the spiritual abuse & I get -
"I would like to hold on to a biblical definition of repentance, rather than have individuals decide what it should look like and be unnecessarily distressed by various definitions."
Is this spiritual abuse + gaslighting?!?!
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