selfadvocacy

#Autism #Disability #InvisibleDisability #Dependence #Independence #Neurodiversity #selfadvocacy #Advocacy (slight repeat to maintain intelligibility) Being able to rest has led to some miraculous things, including an underlying peace of mind and satisfaction with my life I could never have imagined growing up, and that I'm told most people never find in their endless search for "more". (Now if I could just get back there for more than minutes at a time!! But that will come.) Being "dependent", has led me to develop a previously unimagined independence, and as I said, sense of well being, that the rest of my (supposedly nondisabled) family can only dream of! It's still pretty amazing to be compared favourably to my siblings! And it is because I never stopped fighting and striving, and demanding the support services I needed to make my life work out. (And the supportive community to support all this.) Until I needed a rest and a break from engaging with the world. And now, maybe, I'm willing to engage with it again. Maybe. Still debating that one.
Fighting all these invisible disabilities, while at the same time being obviously intelligent, and appearing to know what the hell I'm doing in and with the world has been hard, and will continue to be, especially as I get reacquainted with some of the ones that faded into the background for a while while I was essentially hibernating from involvement in the world, and which are now reemerging. But slowly, society is starting to "catch up" to the reality that diversity is a natural fact of life, and that invisible disabilities exist, and not all disabilities are visible, or even prexent consistently. Also, that, in reality, pretending that life doesn't thow everybody major challenges, at some point or another (or several), or that everybody has the same skills, abilities, and resources, hurts everybody.we need to recognize that life is hard for everybody. Being human is hard. Ignoring this basic fact makes everything even harder, for no good reason. It gives me hope that someday we'll end up with a more egalitarian society!!

#Autism #InvisibleDisability #Disability #Advocacy #selfadvocacy #Dependence #Independence #Neurodiversity Just finished (I hope) writing the letter that will hopefully convince the government to fund my continued professional relationship with my psychologist/autism specialist. I'm pretty proud of it. I realized several times while writing it that there have been benefits to having no money/not being independant in that sense, and having to be part of "the system". It means I've gotten proficient at writing letters of this sort, and convincing organizations to provide me with the money to do stuff I otherwise wouldn't be able to. Whether it is for assistive technology (over and over again), an updated computer so I can do my term papers and email etc. or living expenses in extraordinary circumstances (i.e. when I was less than a full time student, even for a disabled student, but only had one class left to complete my degree, and so would've ordinarily "falien through the cracks" between student loans and social services). Or whether it was a scholarship, or conference attendence funding (the latter was never successful. The former sometimes was). I got a lot of practice, and a lot of support from people who were on my side, and wanted to help. (And those few experiences to the contrary!). Combined with all that practice writing term papers, and learning how to write convincing thesis statements, and craft an argument...
Not only has this all given me the ability to craft these letters, but it's given me the experience to see that being open about my needs, and my differences has been the best thing for me. Many people would tell me I need to be more independent, or that being "part of the system" is bad, and should be avoided, etc. And I should do as much for myself as I can, (or, more accurately, as they can!), but all hiding my difficulties and differences ever got me was a whole lot of heartache and pain and frustration. And probably no small amount of rage. Being open about who I am, and what my limitations are has opened a whole new world of opportunities for me. It has led to people stopping blaming me (as much) for my difficulties, and recognizing such things as disabilities, rather than as attitude, or deliberate obstructive behaviour on my part. It has led me to be able to explore my actual abilities once many of the burdens of my disabilities were removed.
Allowing myself to even have limitations, even if they are much different, and much greater than other people's has led to all sorts of possibilities I never would've discovered if I had been crushed under all those neurotypical and nondisabled expectations and demands!! It has even led to some abilities that others don't have! Being able to rest has led to some miraculous things, including an underlying peace of mind and satisfaction with my life I could never have imagined growing up, and that I'm told most people never find in their endless search for "more".

Most people would think that when we fight for treatment, support and understanding; they might think that fight is for ourselves. At times it is, but my fight is no longer for me.

I never fought for treatment and diagnosis; that was my parents. If I'm truly honest, I never thought that was an option. I just knew I was in a downward spiral of hating myself and hurting those around me. I was a child; I didn't know better.

I used to fight to prevent kids from being in the positions I was in as a child. After a lot of therapy I understand that isn't in my control; and neither were the things that happened to me.

When I relapsed badly at nineteen; I fought for treatment I knew I deserved (and desperately needed). I fought that fight for the first time and it's not an exaggeration when I say it almost cost me my life. Rounding up professionals, waiting lists then the knock backs and at times doing their jobs was the most exhausting; more exhausting than my relapse.. which is a lot. My safety plans, treatment plans and "support" were not my savior.

It's changed my view on life and circumstances massively. Especially in terms on how I keep myself safe next time; because they haven't each other time.

At this point I understood the true weight of what my parents had to live through. They fought for over three years, having me taken from them, being called unfit parents and the consistent neglect of any support other than the police to keep me safe at the darkest of times. I can't imagine the pain they must of been in watching me get worse; with nobody to help but one another.

My fight for treatment isn't about me anymore. Of course I want to know I'm safe guarded appropriately and working on having a supportive community team. However, what means most to me; is that there is faith and trust, belief that when my parents aren't here I will be safe. I try my best to unburden them as much as I can, but the one burden we share universally is one I cannot fix. Reforms and systematic change is what will keep me safe; allow me to have a net to fall into if need be.

My fight is for reforms that means my family aren't the only ones to pick up the pieces when they inevitably fall. So they don't enter their old age terrified that if they aren't at their best my life could be lost. We don't leave cancer patients with no support and hope for the best. I'm fighting for a life where my illness is protected by the appropriate people. I'm fighting for my illness to be my own and truly self managed, not lumped with those who are willing or love me enough to carry that weight.

Fighting for my parents to be my parents again. Fighting for my needs to be treated medically as needs; not dismissed. 🌼

#BipolarDisorder #EatingDisorders #selfadvocacy #Recovery