unhappy

I’m happy yet waiting for the other shoe to drop!
#unhappy

I have a intrusive thoughts which infect my mind and make it difficult to concentrate. They start the minute I wake up and do not cease until I go back to sleep. I have many hobbies and try to keep my mind occupied but the evil thoughts replay over and over.

When I was physically assaulted over ten years ago I never thought that I would continue to experience flashbacks and trauma from the incident. I have been in fights before and thought it would become another distant memory of something unfortunate. My experience has been completely different and I am stuck in a never ending loop of sorrow and pity.

The attack causes me major mental health issues that I can't move on from. I am stuck in a negative cycle of pain and suffering. The image of the attack repeats in my mind. I see the faceless images of multiple attackers and the fear of reliving the incident is ever present. I am afraid of what's in store for me as I battle to focus on what's important.

It is difficult to describe the incident as it involves anger, betrayal and resentment. The only thing I know for sure is that it leaves me empty and insecure. These people purposefully sought to hurt me and they were successful.

I hate to say it but my mental health has deteriorated to the point where I am miserable. I hate my life and I am aware of the holes I keep digging are damaging me further. I blame my mother and father for a lot of my problems whether it is their fault or not. They did their best but had unrealistic expectations and when I was unable to achieve the impossible goals they had set for me I spiralled in to a deep depression.

This depression has followed me for years and the more I let it control my life - the more pain it causes me. I have never dealt with any of the negative emotions that fill my mind. I bottled everything up and pretended I was fine. I am at the point where I don't see anything improving and I want to hurt the few people I have left.

I really wish I could end on something positive but my life has become a merry go round of pain, sorrow and regret. I hate myself in more ways than one and I need help but the road to recovery is fraught with feelings of guilt and resentment.

EDIT: I am fully aware that my posts are very much a pity party. I am hurting inside and just desperately want to feel better.

#Depression #Misery #Sadness #hurt #Pain #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #feelings #unhappy #Relationships #Friendship #Love #Trauma #PTSD #challenges #Life #Death #advertisy #friend #peace #Emotion #flasback #Lettinggo #scar #regret #compassion #Thoughts #Mindfulness #Anxiety #reserved #Respect #peace

I recently sent a resignation letter to my place of employment. My last day is not for another month. I am really unhappy and wish I didn’t have to work at my place of employment this last month. I just feel it’s too stressful of a work environment and I am barely making it through the day most days. When I think of this month ahead of me I get depressed and anxious. I wanted to just quit on the spot but felt obligated to stay on to complete the project I have been planning for months. Everyday I go to work I feel my talents and skills are not utilized and I have to do a lot things I do not enjoy. Every Sunday evening I get a knot in my stomach and anxiety about what is to come with my job. I feel so unhappy. What are some strategies to push through the next month? How do I keep pushing when I have so little energy and mental space to offer. #unhappy #Support #Workstress #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack

I recently went to my psych, and as I sat there and cried and begged her to give me something that was going to make me happy and the ability to smile. She said, “It doesn’t matter, what I prescribe you, if you don’t change your environment and situation, it won’t help.” #BipolarDisorder #unhappy #irrational

I was never the kid that made her bed or did her laundry without being told. As a matter of fact I as a teenager I use to take my clothes to the local ‘wash, dry, fold’ to avoid listening to my mother’s mouth and so I wouldn’t have to by new clothes for something clean to wear. It wasn’t that I was a dirty person, I just felt I could be spending my time doing other BETTER things like reading, writing, painting, NOT doing laundry because bleck.
Now I find myself the adult who manic cleans to soothe anxiety and has become irrationally clean in her environment because that seems to be the only way I feel as though I have any control. The weight of my former responsibilities that seems to bog me down, now keep me grounded. I reach for a sponge instead of a razor, I no longer cut but clean. I clean until painted joints scream, my back throbs, and the pores in my sinuses remind me that bleach is not oxygen.
As I sit here writing this I have the urge to mop my floor but can’t because I am working and taking a short break. Is this not the same? Trading one bad habit for another in sheep’s clothing? I am not self harming in a traditional sense anymore but I am purposefully running myself into the ground to feel something other than anxious, upset, or anger.
Granted there are no bandages but aren’t my scented candles technically covering wounds too?

#Anxiety #Foodforthought #Depression #unhappy

After a 3 and a half year relationship . I feel so numb .

Today wasn’t good at all! My son’s teacher texted me about how he’s not performing well in class. My girl lashed out at me when I was truly being sincere about her well being. I can’t sleep. I just don’t feel the love right now. I just don’t know at the moment. When you feel like you’re not getting the love & support you need from your loved ones...it drains you. I actually feel better by getting this off my chest tonight. Peace & Love #Depression #alone #unhappy #Worried #Love