I saw this image a few days ago and decided to save it. Today I realized why: I was in a super vulnerable state of mind and was allowing my flare ups to take me over physically, mentally, and emotionally. I caught myself on the verge of tears all day as I held on to my chair and felt the vibrations in my legs and arms literally move through me as I sat at the front desk answering phones back to back- and trying to stay “together.”
I asked myself, “how many more hours of this?” “when can I go?” “how can I get up and leave for the day, and just say ‘I can’t stay in this chair’?” Did I do any of those things? No. Even if I wanted to, there are consequences.
Even if I wanted to, I knew there’s no way I would have a job tomorrow. So I stayed. I stayed because I realized, I had something to lose. Not just my paycheck, but I would lose to my condition. Whatever this is, and I had no legitimate excuse to back me up besides “I’m hurting.” So I kept my face on, wiped the tears, and kept my mind off the struggle.
While scrolling through my phone just hours later, this photo reminded me of my moment from earlier.
I kept going. Leaving behind the opposition to myself about “going” to not only let the stress and pain cause me to make a mistake by leaving my place of employment, and looking back to acknowledge I’m stronger than I thought I was in overcoming a truly long and cumbersome hike, and say “I made it.”
Which inspired me to head to the gym after dinner- felt good in the moment, but regretting it now lol
But it’s all good, I made it. Don’t forget to take your supplements before bed, my friends. Good night !
#Hope #PainAwarenessMonth #Wednesday #FlareUps #Painsomnia