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Was Good for a While, but Not Now

Summer started with my first vacation since before the Pandemic. My vacation was an adventure to the NW Coast where I have never been before. I love to travel by myself and take time to explore. I came back home refreshed and feeling strong.

A week ago, I got poison Ivy while working in my garden. It was on my eyelids and nose. My doctor gave me Prednisone. The good thing is, it cleared the rash up quickly. The bad thing is, Prednisone sparks depression in me. I deal with anxiety and depression anyway on a regular basis, but this episode has really knocked me down.

It makes me think about family issues that I thought I’d set aside. It makes me think about losing my Mom 2 years ago. It makes me think about the horrible accident my Dad was in last year at this time. It reminds me I’m alone. It makes me think of all the mistakes I’ve made in life. It reminds me of all the times I’ve been mocked for who I am. It makes me remember how I once trusted people and how those people let me down. I don’t trust anyone anymore.

I keep telling myself it’s just the medication still in my body that is doing this to me, but I’m having a tough time getting over this and all the bad thoughts it brings to my mind. I don’t want to do anything but sit. And tonight I am having a tough time sleeping. Failure is blocking my eyes. #Depression aggravated by Prednisone #feel all my failings #all alone #Family mocks my mental health

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#Cat in the #NewYear

Here's placing my commitment to engaging in positive thoughts that will work positive energy that will materialize my wish/prayer that this year, & many following, will be MUCH MUCH BETTER than 2022 was to/for me.

And I #Hope & #Pray that 2023 bring MUCH #Joy , #peace , & #relief to #all of us that #Suffer from #devastating effects of #ChronicIllness , especially those of us whom are asked to #endure #ChronicPain , especially those of us, that suffer continuous non-stop pain, especially those of us who's entire body is afflicted, for I do know that #Pain does kinda cancel out/prevent us from any/all pleasurable #Emotions . At least, personally speaking, I'm always miserable, & since I lost my cat a little past last New Year (of 2022),, so went my smile, & any & every semblance of the person I was. The person I liked being. Please, #god , give me a sweet cat soon. Very soon, I'd really #hate to #Lose hope again. So please don't hold back on my #blessing of a cat too long. I need #help & #relief . Please don't make it all disappear into the #dark #pit I've lived in. For all too too long. #please bring me #light & #Hope to see this to its fruition. I need to bring home a Cat. Know that. You do. , I ask,in #Jesus ' name. Thanks for reading my post, all you caring & supportive #mightyfriends 🙋💗🍬 #MightyTogether #peace

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First Time Posting

My doctor has asked if I'd like to try Ketamine infusions. I tried the TMS, didn't help. Has anyone else tried and can give me their opinion?

#major depression #Bipolar #Anxiety ##PTSD #OCD #Fibromyalgia #etc #all MESSED UP

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For years I have dealt with poor self-esteem, established since being a toddler. In my mind I struggle to give myself positive affirmations. A skill that lies dormant somewhere within me, but I have no clue where, or how to access it. I'm Bipolar and struggle with CPTSD and have been in counseling working to hold myself above water. Just want to know someone out there who understands any of what I just rambled off about. #Bipolar #all mixed up #Medication resistant #Survivor #major Depressive disorder

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#Worst day

#I thought I'd got level at least not constantly at war with myself! #who was I kidding I'm still me,me with #all the pain, anger and crushing self hate

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Favorite movie #all the Bright Places

This movie made me laugh and cry and cheer. It’s relatable and relevant and inspirational. I can’t wait to see it again.

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#all alone

I am not an essential person. I never have been and never will be. Now I feel better, had to get that out ❗