Recently I share about a math course I am taking. Unexpectedly my funds for the tuition were cut. I dropped the course. Sadly, I found out I owe a balance for the tuition a few hours before my second class meet time. And because I am out of work due to a medical leave, I simply cannot pay or create more debt, especially when I am paying to increase additional stress in my life because I am learning complicated math skills, during this season of recovery.
Am I bummed? Yes, a little bit. I was geared-up, emotionally, to take the course. But this “geared-up” energy is an aspect of my nature that my cognitive therapist challenged me to rid myself of: I am a “go getter!” But that characteristic is fueled by pain and anxiety driven strength.
So, not taking the course is probably better for my recovery despite my desire to keep forging ahead with earning my degree. And one thing I am learning during this medical leave is taking the stress out of unexpected circumstances. I can admit I am bothered. Cry if necessary. And then continue living life.
My traumatized habitual thinking tried to shift my thoughts to a degrading place with these thoughts: what will others think; am I quitting; my life is a mess; I should have put the balance on credit. But my—in the process of—rewiring my neural plasticity’s way of thinking, reminded me how this dropped course is beneficial: no new debt to stress about; realizing my upcoming six-month neural assessment will be conducted the day before our first mid-term “quiz.” So, WOW! When I realized the latter, I see this financial issue as a blessing in disguise. Those two events occurring at the same time would have created a serious amount of stress on my brain. Phew!
Thanks for providing us the platform to share and work through our life events! Indeed, this is a place connecting #themighty!
#Anxiety #sadness
#selfcare #selfcompassion
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