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break the cycle



I asked my mother to go home with her for lunch, she said “No, I packed you your favourite! I’ll see you at the bus stop after school. Love you, babe.” Those were the last words my mom ever said to me... those words would stay with me for the rest of my life. From relationships in my teens to commitments in my twenties, it was never easy to distinguish trust because when one of the most influential people in my life said they would be there, they never showed up again.

My mom had begun volunteering in my French immersion class, she was always so optimistic about where being bilingual could bring me in my future. I wish I had stuck to it. She was always so eager to further my education, from Montessori preschool tuition outweighing some college program costs at the time to French immersion beginning in grade 1. I sometimes think she intentionally tried to prepare me for a life without a crucial role model to have as a guide, regardless of her intentions it was far too young for any child to have to navigate a life without a mother, especially a little girl.

She never picked that little girl up from the bus stop, she would make a decision that would alter the lives of everyone she loved and who loved her. I found out later in life she made a point in the days leading up to her death to ensure that her children; myself and my brother, had parental figures to take care of us if for some reason she was no longer around. The sad part is, she failed to realize that regardless of who the figures left in our life, what we would always focus on was the one who wasn’t…

I was 6, and to say I had any comprehension of the demons she was facing at the time would be a lie. Only when I look back at the few memories I do still have, do I start to remember things that indicated she was suffering beyond anyone’s understanding, even doctors at the time. Sleeping in bed all day, waking up from the already limited slumbers due to your own screams... it must have been terrifying for her.

So many incidences I was protected from, regardless of her constant battle. I look back and remember a happy childhood full of love, soccer games, birthday parties, and family gatherings. Only as an adult do I realize the damage mental illness can cause to a person’s inner self. How much I feel her battles weigh on my life 22 years later. How often I doubt my ability to be a mother because I didn’t have one to guide me. I unfortunately was left with a naive understanding, from the mind of a child, of what mental illness can do to a person. I believed she didn’t love me; well, that’s not entirely true, I believed for long that she didn’t love me enough to stay and to fight, but maybe it was herself whom she didn’t love enough.

My mom did everything a “mom” is supposed to do, she volunteered as a girl guide leader – she had the fitting name of Rainbow. I was enrolled in dance, soccer, and swimming, all the things a good and loving parent would want for their child. She wanted a little girl so bad but something I think always scared her about that responsibility, I know it scared me. I remember finding out I was pregnant and being so excited and wanting a little girl so that I could finally have a mother-daughter bond. Once I found out I was having a boy I was almost relieved... I said to my fiancée “I’m happy it’s a boy, I don’t know if I am the woman she should be looking to yet.” I knew my son would have his father to guide him to be a good man. Having a daughter on the other hand would be entirely up to me to teach the things I felt for so long I lacked, due to not having my own mom.

That understanding changed everything. It allowed me to focus on the future of my story and not trying to finish hers.

I will always have a part of me that feels like that little girl who was left at the bus stop, I will never fully be able to understand the decision my mother made, and I will never be able to trust the words people say fully.

I never believed I would be here for the milestones I’ve achieved; I believed I would follow the path my mother paved for me. 22 years later I have a fiancée, stepson, and 2 ½ year old little boy. He tests me every day, he has also teaches me something new every day. I know in the future, every day when I drop him off at school, I will be there to pick him up when I say I will. There will never be a moment where he does not feel as though my love was enough. I am the one to end the cycle within my family, my mother may not have had the strength to face the rest of her days, but the strength she did have to make it the 38 years that she did, was left instilled in me and that will be enough to get me through my darkest days.

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See Something/Say Something - be there for the children

You know, so often the abused are not even aware of the abuse as it’s happening and only years later, after learning that it was in fact not normal, do they realize how wrong it was.

Abusers condition their victims to accept that what’s happening to them is normal, that it is how everyone gets treated, and that it’s their fault, eliciting feelings of guilt and shame, effectively preventing the abused from speaking out.

People justify abuse by saying, “well it could’ve been worse,” “it wasn’t as bad as you’re saying,” “you’re being dramatic,” or my favorite, “you’re just trying to cause problems” when you were actually just trying to tell someone. I’ve been told I’m crazy, I’m a drama queen, I’m melodramatic, I’m an instigator, and on and on. I told my family about the abuse and those were the responses I got.

Yes it could’ve been worse. Yes others have gone through similar things. No I’m not the only one. Maybe some of it I did deserve. But that doesn’t excuse it.

It was abuse of power, trust, and love. Children are to be cared for, protected, nurtured, and loved. Not beat, insulted, gaslit, ignored, blamed, verbally abused, and emotionally neglected. If you cannot trust those put in your life to protect you, how can you trust others?

I have worked very hard, for many years to heal from the way I was raised. I have made it my goal in life to not allow others to feel the same ways I was made to feel. That is all after the fact. What is needed is intervention and protection before healing is necessary.

If you see something, say something. If you’re told something in confidence, help.

Children need to know that not all adults are going to hurt them. They are our future and broken children create broken adults, which in turn creates a broken society. Break the cycle.

#Abuse #mentalwellness
#Breakthecycle #Trauma #Childhoodtrauma #traumasurvivor #MentalHealth #Healing #ChildAbuse #Gaslighting

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No one talked about it.

No one talked about it. Yanno talk about mental health, any aspect relative to it..

My parents didn't tell me about any of it. They didn't give me any warnings or prepare me for what life could throw my way. They were too caught up on their own messy life struggling with their own mental health, but forgot the ones who relied on them were struggling too.

Adults in my life didn't talk about the reality of how hard life can be, all the emotions you will feel and how to deal with them especially pain (personally the hardest one), the confusing series of events you may go through, or how to even cope with loosing someone you loved.

There was too much left unsaid, not understood, lingering questions with no one to give answers I desperately needed as a child. I had to learn everything the hard way when it never had to be that way, it could've been so different.

So here I am talking about anything and everything. I couldn't continue the cycle which was never acknowledged to even have the chance to be broken..

Here I still am. I'm still here and there's a reason for that. I've gone through so much trauma, hardship, health issues, and pain by age 26. Neverminded the struggles and difficultly navigating my way through life and healing as a single mom of two beautiful daughters, ages 7 and soon-to-be 3 year old.

No one talked about it, but I talk about it now. I will continue to always discuss mental health and every aspect relative to it, especially with my children.

#Childhood #Stigma #genrationaltrauma #Breakthecycle #Family #MentalHealth #Awareness #Parenting #Life #Pain #Communication #Children #Singlemom #hardship #survive #speakout #childrensvoices #Health #advocate #makechange #Hope #childrenarethefuture #teachchildren #selfawareness #healingjourney

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Break the Cycle, Create a New Cycle

Sometimes breaking the cycle you are in means creating (admitting and changing) and starting (action) a brand new cycle. Then repeating (without judgment or as failure) as necessary each learning experience.

Think of your cycle like a hamster wheel if that helps. If you don’t like your own personal hamster wheel(cycle) that you are in then create a new more exciting, purposeful one, get help with it if needed, I do, it is more aften than not harder to see outside the hamster wheel by ourselves once it starts moving a little too fast. A good mentor can teach you many things, and steer you away from potential struggles. Then work hard to keep the momentum going after the initial ‘honeymoon phase’. Daily/weekly journals are a great way to recognize what is helping me what is not and what is just taking up valuable space in my hamster wheel. Create a new wheel as needed, no problem. Get rid of the stuff that gets in the way, does not work, or looks good on paper, but doesn’t get done. You know what I am talking about, the stuff that looks good, you ‘should’ do, yet really does just create more anxiety, I am not saying don’t see your doctor or stuff like that, but saying I am going to exercise ‘X’ amount of days and only doing half well first, yay me, and second I’ll cut out the rest or build my ‘items’ up slower, no problem, I learned and progress is progress.

Four important aspects to consider when creating an intentional, purpose filled physically and emotionally healthy cycle or ‘hamster wheel’ for yourself.

Food – what is nutritionally balanced for your daily needs, adjust as necessary.

Exercise – what is required according to your needs, adjust as necessary.(Consider work, play activities etc.)

Sleep – Very important to get what is healthy for your lifestyle, again, adjust as necessary.

‘Your time’ – time for you for whatever that may be, reading, art, sports, volunteering, writing etc. Just time for you to get right with you.

I believe if you keep these balanced along with a healthy spiritual life you can find the growth, acceptance and change necessary to recognize joy and happiness.

By: Doug Ferguson Copyright: Beard for Mental Health

#MentalHealth #Depression #Breakthecycle #Breakthestigmas #mentalhealthmatters #newcycle #Anxiety #findjoy

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How does one let go of the mistakes of the past? Who would I be if not for the choices I’ve made and the illnesses I inherited and had brought out through trauma? Do you ever wonder that?
#Depression #Trauma #Anxiety #familyhistory #BipolarDisorder #Breakthecycle #SuicideSurvivor

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Nuerodivergent and Borderline Positive! What self qualities are you proud of?

#BpdPositive and #proud !#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder is often be seen negatively as one of the most painfully difficult disorders to overcome, but I want to #Breakthecycle and end the #NegativeThinking #Stigma and #BorderlineStigma !

I love my ability to genuinely and sincerely empathize with others. I appreciate my artistic skills, creativity, insight, passion, and profound positivity! I am loyal and love fiercely. With radical honesty, I am an open book and deeply caring friend to others.

What are some positive traits about yourself in light of your #Neurodiversity ?

#Proudofmyself #proud #Positivity #positive #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPDDiagnosis #Anxiety #AnxietyTips #ITSOKAYTOTALK #itsokaytonotbeokay #therapyiscool #Depression #MentalHealth #mentalhealthconfession #Selflove #Selfcare #Share #shareyourstory #destigma


I would love to write and submit content to The Mighty. Could anyone provide insight as to how to do so? Are submissions open to everyone?

Self-Published Author, Amazon
Selling real estate and originating loans hasn’t fulfilled me on a personal level. I have a gift for writing and altering the perception of personal experiences in such a way, it transforms and heals people from their traumatic experiences. Through this passion, I have successfully written and published two books an surviving abuse:

Dear God: Book 1 – A Story from Hell to Hope, Published 4/2013

Letters to the Soul: The Guide to Spiritual Awakening, Published 7/2018​

#Abuse #DV #vaw #heal #Breakthecycle

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