Hold On

As many of you know me here, you know I’ve struggled with the longest, deepest and most painful depressive episode of my life for almost an entire year now. I had lost all hope of ever returning to any kind of normalcy. My days and nights were filled with fatigue, anxiety, and every negative emotion possible, most of all guilt for my condition. For almost an entire year I didn’t leave my bed, I struggled to even shower or brush my teeth. I almost lost my house, couldn’t take care of myself or kids, lost my job, I lost everything. It’s as though depression came in and knocked me on my ass as I sat numb at all I lost. I really thought my life was over at 38. It’s an experience I’ll never forget, that honestly almost took my life on many occasions. BUT I’m here to tell you, there IS hope. I’m not saying I’m magically cured but I’m slowly returning to human. It took 11 months but I finally found the correct cocktail of medication to help me after so much trial and error. I’m here to tell all of you to hold on because there IS an end to this. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here for you as many of you have been there for me through this horrible part of my life. Thank you everyone!!
#MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #CPTSD #encouragement #Hope #HoldOn #MightyTogether

NARRATIVES

Narratives are powerful they have the potential to shape our future and even influence the memories of our past.

Take a minute and think about it, purposefully, what are a few of yours? How are they impacting your life?

Narratives can be positive, negative, or just indifferent. But within each of them there is opportunity.

Opportunity for growth.
Opportunity to gain wisdom.
Opportunity for staying stuck.
Opportunity for seeing through a new lens.

So many! Right there within YOUR reach and you are the only one that can do it. You hold the answer key to your life.

Next week, I have an amazing opportunity but in order to be fully present in that experience I have to travel to a place that I cried so many tears. A place where so many people stole my dignity, my humanity, even parts of me I had yet to discover- stolen from me.

Yesterday as I was in my weekly therapy session, my therapist and I were talking through my plans and about the place I am going back to that holds so much pain but also so much opportunity. She said to me there are times in our life that we need to go back and laugh in the places that we used to cry.

I sat with her words a minute. I knew in my heart she was absolutely right! The project that I’m working on is one that is healing balm to my soul. I have the opportunity to go back to a place that once held destruction and find healing. I get to create something in that space that has the potential to bring that healing to so many people.

How awesome is that? I get to change the narrative and bring it all full circle. I will be surrounded by love and support and all the new narratives I’ve implemented through the years that have been healing.

I also get the chance to make beautiful memories and to laugh in a place that once only held ugliness and pain.

Friend, you are not powerless. Look around you. Search within. What narratives bring you growth & healing and what narratives do you have the opportunity to change, reshape, and make new?

You know next week there will be some tears BUT I guarantee you that there will be laughter, joy, & healing too.

Update: I made this journey a year ago and it was beyond healing. I will add I had supports in place and an active plan of action.

Mighty friends we have a fellow mighty friend who needs all the prayers, positive thoughts and best vibes thrown her way. She’s such a beautiful, loving, caring and funny girl. She doesn’t deserve this as none of us do. However last night depression lied to her as the great liar it is and told her to let go. Thank God she’s still here but she’s in a very dark place. She needs us now more than ever. Please let’s lift her in prayer and healing thoughts and vibes. I love you dear friend and I’m here beside you always. Your life is precious and your kind soul isn’t ready to go. There are so many of us who love and need you. We couldn’t do life without you. Hold on girl just just hold on!! ❤️

#MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SuicideAwareness #Love #HoldOn #imhereforyou #soulsisters #praybig #Iloveyou

You don’t have to be positive. You don’t have to feel guilty about fear, sadness or anger. You don’t stop the rain by telling it to stop. Sometimes you just have to let it pour, let it soak you to your skin. It never rains forever. And know that, however wet you get, you are not the rain. You are not the bad feelings in your head. You are the person “experiencing” the storm. The storm may knock you off your feet, but you will stand again. Hold On. - Matt Haig

#thecomfortbook #MattHaig #Rain #HoldOn #encouragement #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #Hope #HSP

You have survived everything you have been through, and you will survive this too. Stay for the person you will become. You are more than a bad day, or week, or month, or year, or even a decade. You are a future of multifarious possibility. You are another self at a point in future time looking back in gratitude that this lost and former you held on. Stay.
***Matt Haig, The Comfort Book

#MattHaig #thecomfortbook #positivereading #hopeful #encouragement #besupportive #HoldOn #stay #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #HighlysensitivePerson #empath #Introvert

A friend bought me a book of positive quotes and affirmations. I happened to randomly open to this one, and it really gave me chills. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that. #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #HoldOn #HoldOnTogether

Gotta "Believe", as my little ceramic garden frog says!!! I've been where I only hoped for death. I'm near there still. But after 4 days of intense physical #Pain ,that finally affected me yesterday- #Emotionally & #mentally & #spiritually , I'm determined to have a #better #day #today !!!! Damn Straight!!!! Out with intrusive #negative thoughts,& memories. Out with holding onto #resentments I've held on to from those who've badly & painfully done &/or said malicious things to #hurt me. I've been #oppressed by these things too long !!!! I'm "shaking it off - I'm throwing it away. Well,let's be honest. Let's say, I'm not going to quit working on it. I suppose it's a process....but it starts with a decision & succeeds with #Determination & #tenacity !!!! ~·~·~· #PTSD #Memories #Trauma #multipletrauma #Drugged #raped ~·~·~·~......my story is too ugly to continue on this path.....im chucking it all atleast for today. I need a day off from this high degree of continual #Anxiety & #Depression & #Pain . it's affecting my #Sleep & the intensity of pain of my #Fibromyalgia ......im going to "find some #peace of #mind " (a line from a RHCP song. )........today I'm "on #Vacation " ,.......(from my #Problems )😁oh man, but DOES MY BODY #hurt !!! ......Need #rest & ssleep......this morning I have a virtual psychiatric appt .via ZOOM......a "Psych-Eval "- geeze!!! God give me #strength !!!!........ & another cup of #coffee !!!!☕ ☕ ☕ ☕ ☕

Hold on. You can do it.

You can do it