independence

I know i should be nice and warm to my siblings especially the one who does so, so, much for everyone- and whose daughter is presently involved in a divorce. This family member’s plate is full, so full.

I know I should be happy I am not bothering anyone. My husband has been doing what my siblings mostly have done in the past. I should be exceedingly happy I am not bothering them. Or my husband doesn’t bother his family- really don’t know how they would respond if he did bother them for help.

But it hits me right between my eyes what my marriage is. Just someone who is “ there” in the event of need. I really don’t think there is much more to it. It is sad to me. But I have to put my big girl pants on and realize it could be a lot sadder.

My husband and I simply are in it- so we can leave our families to their own lives- this is a good thing but hard to swallow at times.

This I should be happy about bc my siblings have done so much for me in the past

A negative that is hard to swallow-
But especially my husband’s family will inherit monies from us-and what will we get in return-all I can do is hope my husband gets care-I question this. I wonder if my husband will get anything-

And I still work when his family member never lifted a finger to - and they- his family - are going to get mine and my husband’s money some day-

They were not at all nice to me years ago when we bought our house-and eventually they ( my husband’s family) will get 1/2 of the house. . W/o me- we would have never had this house. one relative on his side was horrible to me about me wanting a house- w our money-!! After we went to all their smoke filled parties as his sibling’s kids were growing up- and i have emphazema. And i got sepsis from my copd - last fall where i could have died from— it helps to vent-I smoked myself- not at that time-but in life-I have to take responsibility-it ie best for me to stay away from them-because it is hard for me to hold it together when i have anything to do w them/ my husband doesn’t drive-let my husband take the bus-I am not his chauffeur-but i always drive him-

I am just a lot kinder -thanks for letting me vent-his family is very different from me- i have to let I go-

Be glad I am not bothered my siblings--

If he bothered his family- I don’t think they would do anything-

I have to let this go-

It is like i married a caregiver-and there isn’t much else

Well, it helps me to vent- i really don’t know where else i can-

Back in the day,

We used to play outside till dawn

Now, we're just another government pawn

Back in the day,

We used to live, laugh & grow

Now, we are forced to work our asses off bro

What is this shit? (mind my language)

Death is a trap to try and get us to submit?

As kids, we couldn't wait to be adults

Now, I reflect and I am like that was truly nuts!

The days when we could cry and be comforted

Childhood turned to adulthood and those days plummeted

Now, we're struggling to make ends meet, Who would have thought, childhood was only a treat

But it's life,

So put away that knife

It is what it is -

God is good, all is his

Better days are ahead

So, go and continue to chase that bread!

#Life #resilience #NeverGiveUp #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #Selfharm #selfharmawareness #strength #courage #bravery #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #useyourwords #expression #expressyourself #creativity #Deep #deepthinkers #bold #Spirituality #Meditation #Spiritual #calm #Zen #gowiththeflow #liveinthepresent #loa #TheSecret #manifest #manifestation #Positivity #PositiveVibes #GoodVibes #vibes #Energy #YouCanDoIt #Believe #Hope #Care #Empathy #compassion

Have your ever felt like no one understands you?

Like you are alive but yet you feel like you are also dead

Have you ever tried to reach out or talk

But then, you are like 'nah, they won't get it'

Have you ever felt so anxious,

you masked it with ridiculously lame and 'weird' humour or sarcasm?

Just to make it look like you are super chill but you are really just nervous

Have you ever wanted to win a stranger's heart

By giving them random compliments or by trying to make them smile or laugh

Secretly thinking to yourself that this is exactly how you feel everyone should be and treat each other

Have you ever been so naive to ignore the bad in someone and focus solely on the positives and look at the good in everyone?

Have you ever been so foolish that you've tried to help and support or cheer up someone that has repeatedly hurt you and you know does not care about you and probably would not do the same in return? Yet, you do it anyways?

Have you ever just stared into space, zoned out and smile...

Imagining your perfect little dream world

Imagining Utopia

Have you ever been so naturally 'high' that people have assumed you drank or did drugs?

Have you ever felt happy inside but on the outside felt scared to express or show it because of well, so-called evil eye

Have you ever not believed in superstitions yet still been anxious and overthink your interactions due to them

Have you ever just been happy for no reason at all like a child

Have you ever... just spontaneously wrote a post like this without even thinking?

Impulsivity can be fun but it can be exhausting...

Humour can be fun but be tiring...

Good things come and go; it is okay to feel not okay and for bad times to also come, they also go.

Don't stop being you due to the bad moments or days

KEEP SMILING :) :) Your energy is contagious and is needed to make the world go round - YING YANG - hippie style

#modernhippie #hippiestyle #yingyang #loa #TheSecret #Energy #vibe #GoodVibes #smile #keepsmiling #haveyouever #justdoit #taketheinitiative #takerisks #risk #Risks #Impulsivity #spontaneous #bebold #bold #Brave #courage #strength #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #resilience #Empathy #compassion #humanity #happyness #pursuitofhappyness #justlisten #listen #justobserve

Well, this is a terrible introductory post, but hey, what can we do?

After a hard fall today highlighted issues with my ability to call for help, I need options. I fell in my kitchen, with my functional side of my body pinned under my non-functional side. My phone was on the charger, and the Alexa had too poor of an internet connection to call anyone.

Does anyone have ideas or suggestions for a fall detection system or device? I would prefer one that activated itself, and that called a selected contact instead of 911. I have relatively reliable internet, access to very reliable unlimited date, and a Samsung Android system.

If we can't figure out a good way to do this, I'm going to lose my ability to ever be alone, and I have already lost enough of my independence, I'd much rather not lose this, too.#functionalneuropathicdisorder #FND #PNES #BipolarDisorder #ChronicPain #Independence #fallrisk

My wife has BPD and my approach to managing her condition is basically responding to her rants with empathy, and bringing some logic or reality to her paranoic thoughts, I also let her process her emotions by herself (if she starts panicking or crying I just tell her I’m there for her and that nothing is her fault , bring her some tissues or water and orbiting around her but not being in her room all the time) I give her tasks that she can do by herself and In general I would say that my objective is trying to make her “self - reliant”.

I’m a cold person and an introvert, I don’t react emotionally to her flares and I enjoy spending time by myself. I love her and when I feel there’s an opening to show her my love, I do.

I was wondering if this approach is appropriate for BPD loved ones? Or do BPD people need a more hands-on type of care?

Thanks

#Independence

For the last three weeks, I’ve been dealing with yet another work injury, but this time it’s upper body; entirely pulled my latisimis dorsi muscle. I’m so freaking done. I know that this is my life and I have to deal with the aspect that my body will not allow me to be as physically inclined as others are. I legit cannot afford a lower paying full time job as a cashier somewhere. I’m trying to move out (finally) with my boyfriend of almost 5 years and I’m no going to throw that away. I thought about getting disability, but then again I can’t because of the abundance of lawyers I’d need. It’s just every time something starts to go right in my life, something else comes back around to make everything worse again. My medical condition is the one thing keeping me back from destroying my depression. I envy those who can do whatever; I know I’m not as bad as some other people are limitation wise, but to me with what I wanna do is killing my youth. I feel like I have the body of a 50 year-old woman and the mental stability of…well.. I’m not too sure tbh. I just want help finding solutions and kind of plan out what I need to do in order to feel better. I feel like it’s getting harder to stay positive. #Anxiety #Depression #Independence #help #BodyPositive #Misery #Adulting

I guess this is more of a rant than anything else. The hardest thing for me to do right now is clean myself up after going to the restroom in a public bathroom. At home, it’s one, done, and gone. In public bathrooms, the arrangements are so varied from what I have at home that I get anxious and my spasticity kicks up a fuss, which makes me more anxious. Especially when I have a timeline or someplace to be. I pride my self on being independent, but sometimes I just want someone to be there to wipe my ass so I can get on with my day.

Anyone else experienced this?

#CerebralPalsy #Bathrooms
#time #Anxiety #Disability #Independence